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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Am I suffocating him??? - April 18th 2012, 03:17 AM

Let's just pretend my friends name is joe for now.

Joe and I met at camp over the summer an we instantly clicked. Like that feeling where you KNOW you're gonna be best friends. Turns out he was also going to the same high school as I am too. So were best friends. We have just about everything in common. But I feel like I go over to talk to him too much. During school if I'm not doing anything, I always find myself going to joe. If I'm bored I'll just start talking to him even if I don't have anyhow to talk about. I really enjoy his company and I know he considers me his best friend but I feel like I bother him sometimes and maybe he just feels bad and doesn't tell me? Help me out please....


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Re: Am I suffocating him??? - April 18th 2012, 03:54 AM

Does he distance himself from you? Does he give you short and/or rude replies? If he does, then its time to back off alittle bit and give him alittle room. However, if he doesn't, and he seems to enjoy you being around him, then I think you would be looking way to far into this. Sure, its natural to be alittle concerned that maybe you interact with certain people to much (and you want to make sure you don't annoy them), however if you start thinking about all your actions and start second guessing yourself, then the friendship simply wont last. If you think you will be happier with backing off just a tiny bit, then do so! However if everything seems to be going good - then don't change anything. Don't stress about something that may not even be happening (IE: you thinking you are bothering him). If you don't have any signs, or he doesn't verbally say it; then don't create a problem that was never there in the first place.


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Re: Am I suffocating him??? - April 19th 2012, 02:19 AM

One approach would definitely be to dismiss this concern (unless you see warning signs like Chris mentioned). Another approach would be to talk about it. Two points of caution: don't make this out to be a big deal (if you do talk about it), and if you ask a question, ask it with confidence (I'll give an example shortly).

Just last night, I talked with my boyfriend for over an hour. It was mostly me doing the talking, and while he was paying attention and responding, I felt like it might not have been the best time to talk with him. So I asked him, "Is this a good time for you? Or should I call back later?" Since we have excellent communication, he said, "No, this is fine." Also, when I asked my question, I said it with confidence, in a matter-of-fact way. If I had said it with uncertainty, it might have looked like this: "Ummm... sooooo, is this a good time for you? Orrr am I bothering you right now?" Your uncertainty WILL be picked up on by your friend, and they may n0t understand WHY you're sounding so uncertain. It could leave them feeling a little awkward as well, and if their response sounds awkward, you might interpret it as "forced," which would confirm your suspicions that you're suffocating him (which really wouldn't be the case at all!).





   
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