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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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littlejoker Offline
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Name: Becky
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Should I let him in or not? - April 18th 2012, 12:56 PM

Recently my younger foster brother Alex has been getting attached to me. He's 4 and is in care because of neglect. I don't usually get close to the kids because they come and go and getting attached to them means I get hurt. Alex keeps saying to our foster parents "I don't want you to do it, I want Becky to do it" He usually avoids me because he knows I get angry but since Coltons left hes asked me to tell him a story every night, to help him get read for the day, to do his bedtime routine, to cut up his food instead of our foster mum. I mean it keeps me busy and everything and I love the kid to death, I'm already starting to getting attached after spending a little time with him but I don't want to get attached to him and then he will be taken away. I don't know what to do, if I should let him in or not? I use to think he was annoying but now I can see thats he's just curious about everything and anything.

Any Advice On What I should Do?

Last edited by littlejoker; April 18th 2012 at 12:58 PM. Reason: Title mispelt
   
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Always * Offline
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Re: Should I let him in or not? - April 18th 2012, 02:37 PM

Well, I know it'll suck when or if he has to leave, but think about where he is at? He is a 4 year old boy who's just been taken away from his biological parents. He is extremely vulnerable due to his age and his current position.
I think he definitely needs someone he can look up too. You can let your parents do the norma parenting stuff, you can't be his mom but you can be a sister to him. You can be like, I dunno, a babysitter. You don't have to have a relationship with every kid, but I think since he has a particular interest for you and considering where he is in life, he definitely needs the security of knowing someone will help him right now.
   
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Re: Should I let him in or not? - April 18th 2012, 06:22 PM

You know, Becky....you never ask easy questions.

I think the short answer is that you already sound attached. This isn't a bad thing, nor frankly is it something you have much control over. Feelings just happen, and it is difficult to resist the charms of 4 telling you in that utterly innocent and strongly sincere way that he both needs and wants you...especially with the other issues you're struggling with.

So, my advice is to enjoy what you have with him, but also realize that life is really made up of a series of hellos and good byes, and what matters isn't so much how many of each you accumulate over time, but what happens in between.

When/If the time comes to say good bye, it will hurt, but the joy he brought you will make up for that, and will always be a part of who you are. Remember, as a species, we really are at our best when we're loving, and you should never miss the opportunity to do so.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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