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Death, Grieving and Coping With Loss Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Am I the only one still grieving? - October 19th 2009, 07:54 AM

In the winter of 07-08 I lost a lot of people that meant a lot to me... On thanksgiving day, My aunt, who lived in Ohio, was driving to WI to come and see my uncle who had Leukemia, to basically say her goodbyes, when she got into a one car car accident... She had never been religious, but in her last moments of life she sat in her car with the witnesses around her and held their hands and prayed... She didn't make it... That night at 2:38 AM, another aunt of mine and my cousin had been playing monopoly.. and we were just laying down to watch a movie when the phone rang. My immediate reaction was who the fuck is calling?! and i looked at the caller ID to see my dad's cell phone number... Since he was deer hunting, I thought the worse and assumed he'd been shot or something on those lines... I answered it.. and he sounded awful, like he'd been crying... he told me to give the phone to my mother and for me to get off the phone, but i couldnt get off.. My mom answered and 9 simple words brought me to my knees.. ''Debbie's dead- she was killed in a car accident.'' I hung up.. and just balled. And I couldn't stop. the rest of my family asked me what was going on.. and I told them about it.. things seemed to get better.. In fact, I learned a lot more about my aunt than I knew when she was alive.. but then on February 18th, as i was getting ready for school.. my dad knocked at my door and told me to open it... I did and he told me my uncle Dennis had died that night of his leukemia... I basically slammed the door, locked it, and slid to the floor and just started crying... my dad made me open it up again and he just hugged me.. which was sorta awkward.... lol... and I don't really know why I felt the need to post about all of this... it just seems like no one ever wants to talk about it anymore, because it was so long ago now... and when i do bring it up i'm just ''being depressing'' and need to ''move on''.. well i can and cant... I've moved on in the matter that I understand that i cant change things anymore.. and whats done is done.. but I still find myself crying about their deaths at least once a month.

I feel like the only one who still cares... which i know isnt true... but I really just need someone who can relate.. you know?
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Re: Am I the only one still grieving? - October 19th 2009, 08:09 AM

Hi there. I think that I can relate to you because just day before yesterday my Uncle passed away at a very young age of his first heart-attack. And this is the first time that someone really really close to me has passed away.

I think that everyone should right now move on but they are not. They still keep crying and mourning his death when I know that all he'd have wanted for them would be to be happy.

I think that there is a difference between moving on and forgetting. You should move on but always keep the dead in your memory and they should all be happy memories of the time they lived.

And it's nice to see that you care but you shouldn't cry about them because they are in a far better place than us, you know? So just be happy and think happy memories. Be practical and do what they'd have liked you to do - be happy.
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Re: Am I the only one still grieving? - October 20th 2009, 03:45 AM

I'm sorry to hear about all the deaths in your family so close together. Everyone grieves in their own way and their own time. It will get harder about now because of the holidays coming up, but you aren't the only one who thinks about them the others just don't cry about it anymore. That doesn't make it wrong that you still do. Just try to remember the happy memories you have of them and try to focus on their lives instead of their deaths. They wouldn't want to be remembered for the way they died and they wouldn't want you to be sad for them, but your feelings are ok, whatever they are.
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