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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tearxstained Offline
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Name: Aly
Age: 26
Gender: Female

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Join Date: March 28th 2009

Tomorrow... or today now I guess - April 6th 2009, 06:21 AM

Well, assuming that the day officially starts at 12:00am today is the three month anniversary of my step dads death.
I don`t know how to cope.
I generally don`t think about it, don`t talk about it, pretend it isn`t real. I usually have myself half convinced that he will walk in the door.
But on the sixth of each month that crumbles down.
I don`t have to go to school, and I don`t know if I should.
One one hand at home alone I can think and deal with it. but I will be waay more likely to SH if I am home alone.
If I go to school there is a 100% chance that I will cry in front of people at least once...my teacher and most of my classmates already think I am crazy because like almost none of them know what happened and crying in front of them makes me feel really horrible.
[ I can't ever make myself tell people. There are 24 kids and 1 teacher in my class and 2 kids know what happened. My teacher doesn't]
Should I go to school? Should I stay home? How can I cope with this... He's never coming back... I miss him.

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why we call it the present.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Tomorrow... or today now I guess - April 6th 2009, 08:24 AM

The best thing you can do is let yourself miss him. Its okay to cry just dont let anything get out of hand. Maybe write a letter to him? When my Momak died I wrote a letter to her and felt much better. But I guess losing a parent is much more upsetting. You should stay home if you feel you need time alone to be sad. And if you need people to support you and maybe help a few people understand you, go to school. It's okay to open up to someone. It might make you feel better.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
eunoia Offline
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Re: Tomorrow... or today now I guess - April 6th 2009, 03:25 PM


The thought of losing my step dad is horrible, I just can't imagine what you're going through, right now. I am so sorry for your loss; I wish words could ease your pain.

Losing a loved one can be devastating--you might be feeling lost, alone, and cheated. It's okay to feel those things. The truth is, no one can be prepared for losing someone, and no one knows how to cope, at first. We just have to try our best to work through these tough times.

Often, we need the love and support of those around us. It's okay to need a shoulder to lean on. We're only human, and we need one another. Don't be afraid to tell people what has happened. Don't hesitate to ask them for their support. They would understand, Aly, if you told them.

I don't know what is best for you, right now, so I can only make some guesses. To me, it is important to maintain some form of order in your life, while dealing with a loss. Keeping a schedule that resembles your old, or "normal" one, may help you, Aly. For you that would mean going to school. I'm not sure why I think this is a helpful thing to do--maybe because I feel that from order can come calmness and peace.

Remember, though, to do things on your schedule. Grief does not have a time line, and you need to consistently make the healthiest choices for you.

It's okay to miss him. You will miss him for a long time, because you cannot make new memories with him. But Aly, the memories you have of and with him? Those are yours, forever. No one and nothing can take them from you.

Let me know if there is anything I can help you with and please, always remember you aren't alone. There are people who would help you, if you asked. Take care.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
soul Offline
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Name: Mimi
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Re: Tomorrow... or today now I guess - April 8th 2009, 06:38 PM

Hey Aly,

I am so sorry for you loss. It hurts to lose a loved on and anniversaries tend to bring everything back. If you think you would be safer at school then by all means I think you should go to school. It is okay to cry. If you start feeling overwhelmed can you go talk to the guidance counselor at your school. If you tell people what is going on they can help you. However, if they don't know how you're feeling then they are powerless to do anything about it. I understand that you want him back and that you would like nothing more than for him to walk through your door but the fact of the matter is he is gone. Living in denial will not help you. It is only going to set you up for a world of disappointment. If you bury your true feelings and keep yourself from grieving then one day the pressure will build up and blow up in your face. Denial might seem like a short term solution but it has long term side effects. Try to accept the fact the he is gone. As much as you loved him he is gone and unfortunately no amount of love can bring him back. Everyone needs a little help when dealing with something as heartbreaking as this. Have you ever considered seeing a grief counselor to help you work through your emotions? I think that working through some of that you are feeling could really help you in the long run even though talking about things now might hurt. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. You are not alone. I am never to busy to listen and I will do my best to help. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love <3 Mimi

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
hunny365 Offline
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Re: Tomorrow... or today now I guess - April 9th 2009, 09:57 PM

i am so so sorry for your loss please pm me if theres anyting i can do to help
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guess, today, tomorrow

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