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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
theferretparade Offline
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Unhappy cat died, and i'm heartbroken. - April 6th 2009, 09:58 PM

if u've never had pets don't even read this post. i was there when he was born and he was fine yesterday. i woke up today and he was very ill and unresponsive. i told dad to take him to the vet (we're a family of cheap-o's so we'd been putting it off- he was approximately 1.5 yrs old). he'd been in a lot of fights with strays but he always got better... he always got better.

Today, they took him to the vet and they put him down while i was at school. it's all my fault because i knew he was gonna get sick from the fights! they said he had contracted feline leukemia and had progressed quite far and, combined with his wounds, that there was nothing they could do.

if i had pressured dad to take him in... if i hadn't been so lazy... if i had been paying attention... i'll never forgive myself and i don't know wut to do.. someone please tell me something because, and i know this a lot of drama over a freakin cat, but i don't know wut to do.

i could trust him when all the ppl in my life had betrayed me. a warm bundle to talk to and play with and cuddle with that wouldn't judge me under ANY circumstances- and now he's DEAD because of me.

i don't think i'll be able to punish myself enough for this.

Why is it that so often, my friend, those who are extremely successful in virtually everything they do are so unable to see that this is the case?

Yeah, you might not be the right person to ask.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
x_muse Offline
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Re: cat died, and i'm heartbroken. - April 6th 2009, 10:07 PM

Hi there!

Please don't blame yourself for this at all! You did not intend any harm and you loved your cat with all your heart and had faith things would be okay. I also have a cat of my own, so I understand that bond and that connection. They are there when no one else is! They listen. They comfort.

But this is NOT your fault! It's so hard to treat animals, or understand what is going on because they cannot tell us. Especially birds, who show rarely any signs or symptoms before the pass.

It's going to be okay! Your wonderful friend is now in a place where he cannot be in pain and he had a wonderful time with you. You gave him all that he could have asked for and loved him! He was alive because of you, that is what is important!

If you ever need to talk, I'm here and you can always send a message my way!
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: cat died, and i'm heartbroken. - April 10th 2009, 10:02 AM

Hey there, love.

To start, he's not a "freakin' cat," and it's not a lot of drama. Not in my opinion. This may be because I have a very similar bond with my own cat. He's 10-years-old and the love of my life. I have never loved anyone or anything more than I love that cat, and even the thought of his passing can send me into a fit. So I do understand where you're coming from and I do understand how attached you can get to a purry companion. This isn't to mention that your feelings are valid. More than that, they're justified, and they are nothing to be ashamed of.

Secondly, this isn't your fault. Ultimately, it's your parents decision whether or not it's to the vet we go! Unless you're bringing in enough income to support what you want and need, in addition to your pet, and unless you can get there on your own and unless you're old enough to sign the papers and hand over the legal information they need, all of which I doubt you are (based solely on age, pardon if I'm wrong), then you had little to no control over the situation and there was nothing you could do. Even if you were old enough, did have the money, etc., things like this are almost always out of our own hands.

Also, cats are pretty resilient. A lot of the time, they can go from being well to sick to sicker to even better than before all within, it can seem, a matter of minutes. And death can happen in the same way. Like the above poster said, it can be difficult to tell when animals are sick or need veterinary care because they can't communicate that to us. Oftentimes, they don't even show signs or symptoms before it's too late. This doesn't make it anyone's fault. It's simply... the way that it happens.

And though it's not what you want to hear right now, you have to bear in mind that everything happens for a reason, and where one door closes, another door opens. I understand that you're hurting and I can't imagine the grief you must be experiencing right now, but try to remember that there's another side to this. He's in a better place now. He's no longer in any pain. He's no longer sick. He's no longer suffering. And these are all very good things, for him and I think for you too.

Another thing is that though he's gone from you physically, he's not gone from you spiritually. For as long as you keep him in your heart and your mind, he can never truly leave you, and he will always be there for you. You can still share your secrets with him. You could talk to him (it's not as crazy as it sounds) or you could write letters to him, even. He's still there for you, darling, because you're still there for him, and as long as you continue to be and continue to keep him alive in your heart and soul, he will too.

Have you ever considered putting together a scrapbook page or making a collage? If you don't have very many pictures of him, if any at all, you could consider making a memorial in his honour. You could hold a "burial" or memorial service to reach your own sense of closure by burying one of his favourite toys or a collar or bowl in what is or can become a special place for you. When I had my rat put to sleep, this is what I did, and it helped me a great deal because it gave me a special place to not only grieve her loss but to celebrate her life and the life she'd given to me. This might help you, it might not, but I thought I'd suggest it to you.

Please remember that this isn't your fault. Do not be ashamed to cry. Welcome your emotions. Grieve. The storm will pass, I promise you that. In the meantime, we're here for you, and I should hope your family and friends will be there for you too. Chin up. <3

xo Claire

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Re: cat died, and i'm heartbroken. - April 10th 2009, 10:15 AM

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about this. It's okay to be sad because an animal died. I love my dog to death and loved my old guniea pigs.

Sadly, it appears that the smaller animals always die from heart attack or heart failure. That is when I have them.

As said, animals can't tell us how they feel.. If you did have enough income you could pay for the vet bills and such.

Again, sorry to hear this..
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Re: cat died, and i'm heartbroken. - April 10th 2009, 12:56 PM

Hey im so sorry about your cat.
I absoultly love animals and they always seem to be there when you need it when you feel alone.

It wasent your fault that your cat died though. It sounds like he went outside because you said he got in a lot of fights. Some animals just like to fight and theres not much we can do about it we cant always be there.

Its ok to be sad about it I cry everytime one of my animals die.

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Re: cat died, and i'm heartbroken. - April 11th 2009, 01:49 AM

Im sorry to hear about this.
I know its hard.

Ive lost 5 dogs in my 18 years.
Its a lot.

It wasnt your fault.
Not your familys fault or anyones.

Youre going to be upset for a while, but dont blame yourself.
You didnt do anything wrong.
And even if you think you did, you cant change the past.
You have to accept it.

You gave him such a caring and loving house.
Everything he needed.
He wouldnt want you to be so sad that he is gone.

Hes in a better place now where he is not sick.
Its okay to cry and feel upset.
But dont blame yourself.

If you need anything, Im here.

Once again, Im sorry about your loss.
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