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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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vikki Offline
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....... - April 19th 2009, 08:30 PM

I just found out that my grandma had forgotten my auntie birthday and age she isnt doing good and has to have a patch on her arm to keep her heart beating... second of all my nana is dying she has a tumor on her kidney and the doctors know she has cancer but now are doing test for bone caner why does both of my grandmas have to dye on me i havnt seen my nana in 5 years i try to talk about it but its to hard
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eunoia Offline
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Re: ....... - April 20th 2009, 01:58 AM

Hey, Vikki.

It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time, lately, with both of your grandma's being ill. I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your family, both.

There is no way to prepare for the death of a loved one, and so the coming months may be especially hard for you. Even when someone we love gets sick, even when we know, it's impossible to ready ourselves for their imminent loss.

I wish I could tell you what to do, to make things easier. I think the best thing you can do, right now, is treasure the time you have left with your grandmas. Although that won't lessen the pain of loss, I hope you'll take the time you have with them, now, to create as many memories with them as possible. When our loved ones are gone, the most precious things we have from their life are our memories, with them. No one can take those from us.

I wish I knew exactly what to say, Vikki. I'm always here if you need someone. Take care of yourself.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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vikki Offline
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Re: ....... - April 21st 2009, 05:35 AM

You know what jes you helped alot thank you thats exacly what i need to hear but the thing is my nana lives in alberta i live in bc and my other grandma lives way up north in bc so i cant really see them with having kids and all and the thing that really upsets me is that my nana has never meet my kids and this might sound like im being jelious or something but my nana promised to come see me and my kids this summer and i know i sound childish but it just hurts and i know we can be ready for death i just dont like the fact of loosing them both not now
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soul Offline
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Re: ....... - April 25th 2009, 10:48 AM

Hey Vikki,

No one is ever ready to lose someone they love. I understand that you have kids but couldn't you take them with you to visit your grandparents? If not then you could always talk to them about coming to visit you and stress how much you want to see them. I think it is important to see them so that you can gain some closure by saying your good-byes. If it really isn't possible to see them then I would try to have as much contact with them as possible. Some suggestions are calling them, writing them letters ,or sending them e-mails. Just being there for them during this hard time means so much. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you too. I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. During particularly difficult times it is a good idea to rely on either your friends, your family, your community, possibly your religion, or even a therapist for support. Don't be afraid to reach out for help and tells someone what is going on. Take care and hang in there. You can make it through this.

Lots of love <3 Mimi

As long as we can dream, there will be unicorns.
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falcon93 Offline
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Re: ....... - April 25th 2009, 07:05 PM

hey hun,
losing someone you love is never easy and there is no way to prepare for it and it sucks. trust me i no how hard it is. this past month ive lost my grandad, my cousin, my 2 aunts, and a very close friend of mine. one thing i would recomend you do is to keep a journal and write down your feelings. this can help you vent and some what make sense of what has happened. second, i would try talking to someone about how your feeling. now trust me i know this isnt always easy, but it is very important. if you keep everything bottled up inside you, it can make the situation worse. you can get mad at your friends and blow up at them or cry out of no where because to much is inside. doing this has helped me deal with my pain alot. also i would try and stay positive as best you can. you kinda have to redirect your thinking to turn negative things into positive ones. for example lets just say your grandma's die i know this is a horrible thing to experience, but the positive thing is that they are free from pain and they dont have to suffer anymore. yes you will miss your grandma's terribly when they pass, but always remember that you will have a special place in your heart for them and you can always talk to them. also crying releases some of the pain so crying is a natural and perfectly natural thing to do when someone dies. just let it all out. another thing to do is to take some time to yourself go for a walk or ride your bike or just lay in your bed and think- this will give you time to think about what your going through. in the end this will make you a stronger person and you will be able to help those who have lost a family member
i hoped this helped and feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk i will always listen
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Shannon Offline
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Re: ....... - April 30th 2009, 03:49 AM

While knowing what is inevitable in these situations can be difficult, it's also a blessing, because you know that this is the time to say your goodbyes and create some special memories.

There's nothing any of us can say or do that will make this not painful for you. Nothing. All we can do is give you little reminders, and maybe make it a little easier for a moment. But this is how life works. Things never get instantly better, they just improve little by little until they get to a point that is bearable, and then improving bit by bit from there.

Just say your goodbyes now and make sure you have happy last memories with them. That will be something that you can look back on, and that will be one of those little bits that makes it easier to deal with.
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