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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Name: Kayla
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i didnt say goodbye - July 18th 2013, 06:33 AM

when my great grandfather died he was very sick and hardly knew who i was he always thought i was someone else not his fault and i know that but it still makes me sad. But its been two years almost three and i still get emotional when people talk about him before he got sick because i didnt know him before he got alzhimers so he wasnt himself. Anyways i was thinking about a lot of things a bit ago and i realized I never said goodbye to him. I never said goodbye to him before he died. I ran away out of his house when i saw him there dieing i can still remember it. I never knew who he was. I never said goodbye and i never can. I dont want to forget him but i fear that i will. It still sometimes dosent feel right. it still seems that im going to walk into my grandmas house and hes gonna be sitting there drinking coffee and talking to me and my grandma or me and my mom or anyone but hes not. And i dont know what to do. i feel that nobody in my family knows whatim going through because they knew him before. they allhave a bunch of good memories and i can hardly think of any.


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Re: i didnt say goodbye - July 18th 2013, 06:48 AM

Kayla, (it is so awkward saying my own name, even when its someone else s too) I've been in your situation, last july I lost my great grandfather, I didn't get to say goodbye, I choose not to travel when they went to see him, and later that week, he had an ice cream and walking back to his hospital room died of a heart attach, he was 94 years old and he didnt remember any of us either, i still get upset, and we are going through the same thing with his wife now, shes in the home, with the same problems, she also doesn't remember us, the last time I seen her she kept asking me the same questions. My point is, that it will be okay, you need to grieve no matter how long it takes, cry it out, write letters to him, burn them after you read them, maybe to his grave.
It will get easier, not soon, but it will, remember the times you had with him, bad, good, weird, old. He wouldn't want you to be sad.
   
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Re: i didnt say goodbye - July 19th 2013, 08:00 AM

Hi Kayla. I'm extremely sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I can really relate to your situation. When I was 8, my great grandmother passed away. I remember it like it was yesterday. We use to play games, and luckily she wasn't sick to the point where she couldn't interact with us kids. Eventually in her last two months of living, she became worse. I still went over to her house almost every day & played. Then came the day when she was dying. My whole family was in the room when she passed - everyone said goodbye besides me. I was so afraid too, even though I saw my brother saying goodbye to her, I just couldn't.

For years I regretted not saying goodbye to her. Eventually it got to the point where the thought of that day was bringing me down so much that I knew I had to get help. Not from a doctor, not from a hospital, & not from first responders - but from my faith. I'm not sure what religion you are, or if you even have one - but understand this: Your grandfather doesn't blame you for not saying goodbye. He's not angry. He understands that you simply couldn't do it. I've came to the same realization with my great grandmother. I know she doesn't want to see me crying all the time, and she certainly doesn't want me to regret something I cant change. I now accept the past. I accept that day. I've said my goodbye to her. She may not have been here physically, and it may have been 4 years after she passed - but I know she heard it, embraced it, and felt it.

Take care of yourself, my friend.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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