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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Nickylk Offline
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Two Days Before Christmas... - January 15th 2014, 05:01 AM

Two days before Christmas my Grandpa passed away of a stroke...its been hard and it doesn't seem real. Every time I go over to my Grandmas I think "He's coming back, he's just at his friends" ...or it feels like he's at the store. But he's not coming back and I miss him! I miss his laugh, his joking personality........but I know when I think of it....he's no suffering anymore.


Edgar Allen Poe "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling-my darling-my life and my bride, in the sepulcher there by the sea".
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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 15th 2014, 05:25 AM

This is a very difficult situation to be in, but hang in there. Losing a loved one is normal, after all, we're only human beings and it's nature. Your grandfather lived long enough to have children and grandchildren who loved him. That's a very valuable thing. Even if you didn't get enough time together, I'm sure he loved you and knew he was important to you as well. You got to be in each other's lives.

It's normal to feel sad and it may take a while to get over it. Don't feel ashamed if you need to cry or to be sad, those are completely normal responses. However, try to remember all the good times you had together and celebrate his life. He was probably a nice person who had a loving family around him, who lived a long life full of experiences. Remember that. Also remember, he would have understood that you felt sad, but he would ultimately want you to value the great memories you have of him and live your life the best you can.
   
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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 15th 2014, 05:32 AM

Thanks, its been getting easier. Im sad for my Grandma, shes not taking it so well and hasnt been the same, I just want her to be ok and I dont want her to cry anymore. I dont wanna cry anymore.


Edgar Allen Poe "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling-my darling-my life and my bride, in the sepulcher there by the sea".
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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 15th 2014, 11:28 AM

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Originally Posted by Nickylk View Post
Thanks, its been getting easier. Im sad for my Grandma, shes not taking it so well and hasnt been the same, I just want her to be ok and I dont want her to cry anymore. I dont wanna cry anymore.
It's likely very hard for your grandmother who spent so much time with him, so I understand where you're coming from. You can try to support her as much as you can. You said you're moving in with her in your other thread, that might help a lot as she's going to have more company around the house. You should give her some space to work through her feelings but it could also help to try to distract her a bit. You can also offer to listen if she ever needs to talk.

As to not wanting to cry anymore, that's a normal reaction. Cry as much as you need to. When you're ready you'll start crying less and less. Eventually you will stop crying and may only cry in moments where memories come back very strongly, for example. It takes some time but time will make it easier to cope.
   
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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 15th 2014, 04:29 PM

It's going to be okay.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it's never easy to lose someone you care about, and that are in your everyday life. It's going to be hard, you and your grandma are going to cry, it's natural.

Let yourself and your family heal, and grieve. It might take awhile but you need to do this. It's okay to miss him, it's okay to still want him around.
Grieving comes in many stages, and sooner or later you'll have to accept that he's gone. When you do things will become easier.

Give yourself time, it hasn't been long.
Things will get better.
   
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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 15th 2014, 10:01 PM

I am so sorry to hear about this.

Maybe you and your family can be a bit of a support system for each other. I'm sure that a lot of your other family members are having a difficult time with this as well or at least know how you are feeling. Maybe you can speak to them and get some support from them so you feel less alone, and they can do the same to you. It may help to be surrounded by loved ones during this time.

Try and be there for your grandma if you feel comfortable with it. I know you won't have all the answers for her but even a kind gesture such as giving her a hand-drawn card, piece of art, or hey, even maybe helping her out with some things she may have to get done, can go a long way.

It is really okay for you to cry. That's how you let out the emotions. You can also find other ways to express yourself like writing, art, or music. Exercise is another way to get out stress. It's better than keeping it pent up.

Try and let some of the good memories make you laugh and smile, too. I know it's hard at first and that is okay, but your Grandpa wouldn't want you to cry forever. He'd want you to think of his laugh and his personality and smile and laugh at some of what you two did together. He'd want you to do the things in life that make you happy.

Also make sure you set time aside to take care of yourself. This can just mean watching movies or reading a book, but it's important you do some nice things for yourself.

This is still fresh right now, so know that it WILL get easier over time. Again, I am SO sorry that you have to go through this.

-Dez


Let it come and let it be...

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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 16th 2014, 03:07 AM

Hey there.

I'm really sorry to hear about your recent loss. Losing anyone (especially grandparents, parents, siblings, etc) is never an easy thing. And sometimes, when we lose someone who was in our lives on a regular basis, it not only hits home harder, but we also typically enter a stage of denial. That stage can last days to weeks, to months - it all depends on the particular person.

Whatever be the case, I do want to encourage you to look at the pros (i.e., he's not suffering, etc). If you find that this loss is taking an unbearable toll on you (i.e., is effecting majority of your daily life), then I also encourage you to seek some sort of help. For example, talking to a counselor or social worker may be the best thing to do in such situation.

I hope that you're able to cope in a healthy manor, and that you're able to come to peace with your recent loss.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Two Days Before Christmas... - January 17th 2014, 03:31 AM

Thank you all for the warm thoughts and advice.


Edgar Allen Poe "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling-my darling-my life and my bride, in the sepulcher there by the sea".
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