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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hypothesis. Offline
Not significant.

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Name: Dez
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Am I a bad person for thinking this? - January 15th 2014, 11:08 PM

Hi all,

So, at the beginning of the month, we found out that one of our school's security guards passed away unexpectedly. I don't feel incredibly sad over it, but that's because I didn't really know her that well so I don't feel guilty over that. I mean it IS sad and it is a shame, and it does feel weird that one minute she can be alive (I saw her at least once before winter break), but then the next minute she's gone. But, that's not really the main topic of the post as I'm not looking for support on that.

As you may know, over the summer, a teacher I really cared about passed away due to cancer.

Basically, there was a lot of notice about the security guard's death. There was an email sent out all the teachers had to read to the students. There was a banner hung up on the wall that we could all sign and give to the family. She was talked about throughout the school for at least a few days.

My teacher? He got nothing. I mean, it happened over the summer and only a small portion of the school really got to know him, but he got NOTHING.

Want to know how his students found out about his death? My friend heard a rumor so I texted the teacher to confirm. That teacher found out through a CUSTODIAN that she's friends with, not even any of her bosses. Then, it was up to us students to inform one another of his passing. One of my friends got told by me through FACEBOOK, how lovely. No administrators or people from the school informed us. He wasn't mentioned at ALL in school. There was no announcement, no email, nobody outside of the teacher who worked closest to him really mentioned anything about it. There was no banner in his honor. There was no talking about it besides with the students who had the class with me. Nothing. He got no mention.

Is it bad for me to feel so annoyed (for lack of a better word) by it? I feel frustrated that the security guard got so much notice but my teacher got NOTHING. I mean, it's nice that they went through all that for the security guard, but geez, the least they could do, even though not everyone in the school would know a lot about my teacher, is to say "Over the summer, Mr. W passed away."

I will let this go after a while, but is it bad of me to think that at all, that it's kind of frustrating that one person got so much recognition while others got none?

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I can't get enough
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Name: Kayla Christine.
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Re: Am I a bad person for thinking this? - January 15th 2014, 11:31 PM

Dez, I don't find it bad that you feel this way. At least the school could of done was tell you when you got back to school.

Lots of people get more attention than others, specially in people's deaths. Most of us know that some causes of deaths get more attention than others, do I think it's right no.

They should of told you, at least when you got back, I can understand why the ine got more attention because it was during the school year, and not over summer break, but it still isn't right they didn't tell you.

I hope this answered your question.
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Usernames Suck Offline
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Re: Am I a bad person for thinking this? - January 17th 2014, 06:07 PM

I'm sorry that you found out the way you did. I think they could have informed the students as well.

However, maybe they only announced it to people currently studying under that teacher. Since it was over the summer, maybe the staff didn't feel like it was for the best to bring it up again, especially if it was in the early summer or halfway through it. It's also possible that they've been avoiding any large homages because it could stir up a lot of feelings for any of the teacher's relatives or friends, even students. This may be especially true if it was due to a prolonged illness.

You're not a bad person for wishing that both deaths could have been announced to students and that everyone could have had more support and more of a chance to pay some kind of homage where your teacher was concerned.

I would think it was mean if you didn't think that the security guard's death was important or if you wished people would stop caring. However, that doesn't sound like what you're doing, and wishing that your teacher's death and its announcement to the students could have been handled better isn't wrong. It also seems normal that you'd instinctively compare the way the school handled the two.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
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