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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Boyfriend's grandfather just passed away... - May 2nd 2009, 05:40 AM

My boyfriend Eric's grandfather has been in and out of the hospital a few times in the past couple of weeks. The first time, he was suffering from congestive heart failure. He started getting better, so they released him. Then a couple of days later, he was having some difficulties breathing, so they brought him in to get checked out again. They gave him an inhaler and some pain medication, and sent him on his way a few hours later since he was feeling better. Then a couple of days later, he started having the same problems but a bit worse. They were keeping him for observations when things started to go horribly wrong.
His kidneys began failing and his heart followed suit. They kept him in the hospital for about 1.5 weeks trying various treatments and such to help him. They put him on dialysis (to act in place of his kidneys' function) but it only strained his heart more, so they took him off. They considered an emergency kidney transplant but determined that his heart was just too weak and it would probably do more harm than good.

A couple of days ago, after removing him from dialysis, they took him out of the Cardiac Care Unit and placed him into a more private room where he could have more visitors. At that point, it became obvious that he wasn't going to pull through. It was just a matter of time before he would leave us, but they didn't know when. Then, the doctors said that he only had 24-48 hours left...

We were expecting it. I saw it coming before his family did, because I saw all of the signs. But... I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news because I didn't know for sure. Even with having warning... Even with having time to prepare myself for the loss, I still find it hard to cope with it...

I know the whole, "He was in a lot of pain. He was suffering and it was his time to let go." Everyone's been telling me that. Still, it doesn't make me feel much better.

Mostly, aside from the grief of losing him, I feel incredibly guilty. Because I'm in college 2.5 hours away from home, there has been no way to be able to go home and see him while he was in the hospital. I knew his condition was worsening; I knew he was dying before they knew. And yet, I sat, unable to do anything to help anyone at all. I didn't get to give him a hug goodbye. And now, I'm in Finals Week. There is absolutely no plausible way to get home for the viewing and funeral because both are on days where I have to take finals. And yet... I can't bring myself to concentrate on studying or test-taking... My mind is wandering elsewhere all the time. It seems like no matter how much I try to study, I end up staring blankly at my notes with tears rolling down my face.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to handle all of this at once. They say God only gives you as much as you can handle at one point, even if he sometimes pushes you to test you. Yet, I feel as though I've been pushed to the point where I'm getting ready to break.
I know Eric, his grandfather, and the rest of his family wouldn't want me to do poorly on my finals because of the situation. I know they understand why I can't come home, and they know I want to be there. Still, knowing that just isn't making things any better right now. I'm hurting. I feel guilty. I want to be there, and it hurts so much that I just can't go.

I need help before I break. I need to get through this...


“Don't get too comfortable with who you are at any given time. You may miss the opportunity to become who you want to be." ~Jon Bon Jovi

   
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Re: Boyfriend's grandfather just passed away... - May 2nd 2009, 06:48 PM

Even knowing someone was in a lot of pain doesn't help the fact that you will miss them. *hugs* If you ever need to talk Em, PM me. I'm sorry to hear about his passing. And i hope your boyfriend and his family will be alright, as well as you. Losing someone, even if they aren't your family, is hard.

You can get through this. I know you can. But you don't have to go through it alone. Talk to your boyfriend about it, tell him it upsets you too and you two can be there for each other. And we, on TH, are here for you too.

Take care love,
<3

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Re: Boyfriend's grandfather just passed away... - May 3rd 2009, 09:18 AM

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about him. Even if he's not in your family he can mean a lot. Your boyfriend will proberly need support at the moment too, talk to him about it. Let him know how much you want to be there, mabey ask him to say goodbye for you. After you finish your exam you can visit him then. Don't go though it alone. Stay strong.


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If you fall you'll land among the stars




   
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Re: Boyfriend's grandfather just passed away... - May 3rd 2009, 10:44 PM

*supersnuggles Em*

Em. I am really not sure what to say exactly.

Have you thought about talking to someone from your collage about what is going on? Because that might really help you right now. I know you are strong and can find a way to make it through this. Also you should talk to Eric and try to support him too if you can handle that.

I know it is tough when someone you know dies and you never got to say goodbye to them, my grandpa died 2 and a half years ago, and i never went and saw him in the hospital. I never said goodbye. And i regretted that i never said goodbye that i never went to see him, so i really know how you feel.

But Em, just know. I am here if you ever need to talk to someone. I care about you, and believe you can get through this. <33
   
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