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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Name: Amara
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does anybody understand? - March 18th 2014, 07:45 PM

Unfortunately my younger brother committed suicide in November of last year.
I always felt like it would be me before him.
He was such a happy guy, it sucks because I could never fully understand why him.
I deal with depression myself.
My mom lost her son, knows her daughter is depressed and does nothing to help.
Is it wrong that I would trade my life for his if I could?
   
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Re: does anybody understand? - March 18th 2014, 09:22 PM

First off, my condolences to you and your family on the loss of your brother It's not wrong at all to wish you could trade places with him. Actually I think it's quite a normal feeling when you loose some1 you care about.


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Re: does anybody understand? - March 18th 2014, 10:32 PM

I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how that must have felt for you. Have you gotten any therapy to help you deal with this? I think it might help, especially since you were already dealing with depression and now grieving. To answer your question, I think that is normal to feel the want to trade places. I hope you and your family find peace in the situation somehow.
   
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Re: does anybody understand? - March 18th 2014, 11:14 PM

I agree with them. Its completely normal to feel like that when loosing someone close to you, specially with depression taking a toll on you too. I think you would benefit by being able to talk to someone who can help you grieve and deal better with depression. I believe after your 16, you can make a self referral to a therapist, at least I know you can in Canada.

I hope this helped.
   
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Re: does anybody understand? - March 19th 2014, 01:34 AM

Hey there, Amara.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone (especially someone you are close to) can be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. And I'm sure having a mother (or parents) that don't want to help or don't understand what you're feeling can make the situation even worse.

While I understand and think it's normal to have want to switch places, it's wasted time and energy to focus on that. You're here, and now it's your time to continue and fix the issues that have been lingering in your life. Find help, become a better you, become happy with the life you have, and of course, don't forget your brother throughout the process. Doing this will ensure a better, healthier, and a much more successful future.


Best wishes,
Chris


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Re: does anybody understand? - March 19th 2014, 02:29 AM

I think that you must have cared a lot for your brother to want to trade places with him and I think you also feel this way because you yourself are going through a lot of issues. A lot of people when they're suffering depression, they tend to put up a 'front' in order to get on with their daily lives and to ensure no one suspects anything is wrong which is one of the biggest reasons why people's depression develops even further. Your brother may have also been this way, so what may have looked to you like he was really happy, underneath he was really hurting to the point where he felt he couldn't go on anymore.

It's really sad that your mum chooses not to do anything about it, but from my perspective and through my own experiences where my mum doesn't always do much to help me either, it's not because she doesn't intend to, it's because she not only doesn't know how but is going through her own pain and may not be able to deal with anyone else's. I know we expect our parents to be there, to understand us, to look out for us and to help catch us when we fall but we have to remember they're only human, they're also suffering in their own way.

Have you considered talking to your mum about how you feel? If you haven't maybe it'd be a good idea to and to help shed some light on why she's not taking as much action as you think she should. You could even see your GP and they may be able to help you to get some help for yourself. Sometimes talking is good, bottling things up, isn't.

Finally, I'm very sorry that your brother committed suicide and although he can't be around anymore, know that he's with you in spirit.


Life is for living, not for losing.
   
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