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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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margalo15 Offline
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Question Him VS him - March 18th 2014, 10:10 PM

Last year on March 19 my best friend died
This year I got a boyfriend
My boyfriend didn't know my friend but knows that I loved him
He says that he's there for me but I keep feeling like I have to choose
Tomorrow I don't want to hang out with my boyfriend in fear of smiling when I know I should be grieving
Is that understandable???
Do I really have a valid reason to fear that the man that loves me may actually make me smile on the day the man I used to love died???
Can I really let my boyfriend in???
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Kate* Offline
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Re: Him VS him - March 18th 2014, 10:17 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your friend and I understand that tomorrow will be a hard day for you. Death and grief can cause many emotions for people and everyone is different. However you feel tomorrow, that will be okay. I can understand not wanting to laugh, but I also think it would be okay with your friend if you did. I don't think he would want you to avoid laughing. Whether you're ready to let someone new in or not will be entirely up to you.

Member Since: September 19, 2007
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"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
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Chris Offline
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Re: Him VS him - March 21st 2014, 12:13 AM

Hey, there.

Losing someone is never easy, so I want to extend my condolences to you.

At some point, we do need to move on from the grieving process. While you should remember the people you lose, you should not allow that passing to effect any major part of your life. And in this case, it is. I'm pretty sure that you're friend wouldn't want you to be upset, angry, sad, etc for an extended period of time, and I most certainly think that he would want you to move on. So maybe throw together a remembrance ceremony of some type (i.e., taking a few hours out of your day to remember him, look at pictures, etc), and then go about your life in a positive way.

In the end, do what you feel best. Though as said before, don't let past events (even passings) effect your day-to-day living. Grieve, remember the loss, and then live your life to the fullest.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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