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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Unhappy Dont know how to fix this... - October 15th 2014, 10:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So my husband's grandma died this morning and he is taking it very very hard and I'm not sure how to make him feel better. When his grandfather died last year, he adapted bc he wasn't really close with him. But he was very close to his grandmother and he won't talk to me about it. We have been together for a long time and for the first time in years, I had him laying on me crying. It broke my heart. I don't know how to help him with this. He's always bottling everything up. The last time he was able to see her was in April at my baby shower for my son. He's a mess.
   
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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 15th 2014, 10:18 PM

He will eventually get over it. It will take a while though.
   
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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 15th 2014, 10:33 PM

It's wonderful that you're being so supportive. You may not have to do anything - just being there for him and holding him while he cries might be enough. She passed a few hours ago, so your husband will probably need to take some time to come to terms with all of this information. Shock and denial is experienced frequently and that is probably what he is feeling right now.

Hopefully in time, he will talk to you about what is going through his mind. If he doesn't I suggest encouraging him to see a grief counselor. Perhaps he can write a letter to his grandmother so he can get some closure.

In the meantime, continue to be there for him and remember to take care of yourself as well.


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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 15th 2014, 11:35 PM

I asked him to stay home from work today and rest because he didn't sleep since she died at 2:20 this morning but he insisted on going to work and pushed me away. I assume that's normal?
   
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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 16th 2014, 02:33 AM

Yeah, I would say that's normal. It might be good for him to keep busy to keep his mind off of things, but at the same time, he needs his rest as well.


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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 16th 2014, 03:13 AM

Everyone copes with grief differently, and I know that it's hard when you don't know what to do and it's hard to see someone you love hurting like this. Support him as he needs you to and don't worry if he insists on going to work or staying busy. I'm sure you're doing an excellent job.


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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 29th 2014, 05:41 AM

Thank you. He is doing better now. We had a few really rough nights where I sent my son to my mom's so I could get him to be okay again. But it all worked out. He hit rock bottom so he can only go up from here.


   
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Re: Dont know how to fix this... - October 29th 2014, 07:33 PM

He needs some time to grieve. Everyone grieves differently. Some people talk, some don't. Some people move on with their lives, others stop everything. Just be there for him and it sounds like you are. Don't push him to talk about it. Don't ask if he's ok all the time. Wait for him to open up to you. As long as you're there physically and emotionally for him, he will see he has you for support and will reach out when he is ready. When my grandmother died my mom found it helpful to continue to go to work and go on with regular life things despite not feeling up to it while I just couldn't do anything. He probably wanted to go to work to get his mind off it and for things to be "normal" for him again. Just encourage him to keep going but don't push anything. He needs to see you are there but not forcing it. The little things and routines are really important in this time so just do your best to keep things going. Even though it takes what seems like forever, time does mend things. It'll never go away but it will get better as time goes on.

Keep up the good work,
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