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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Chaotic mind...
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Unhappy So it's been a while since my friend died... - October 30th 2014, 06:03 PM

It's been months to just get over the fact she died...
I'm creating this thread because I don't know how to get over her death.

I need help...
Every time I just get to think of her, I breakdown and just become so... miserable.
She's just a simple online friend, maybe not simple but someone I just help and be there everyday but I got selfish and she destroyed herself.
I promised her that I was gonna meet her shortly, I was gonna do that before I learned she died...

She doesn't deserved the suffering she goes through...
She doesn't deserve to die...

I could of saved her...

I can't do what other people do, "Oh she's just a friend via online, she doesn't matter...".
But she does matter, she's a damn human being and someone I could of saved...

It's hard enough living like this and trying to just... help anyone. I just hate who I am but that's just me. At least I'm not the kind to past a dying person on the street.

She said that I'm strong and... I just don't know how long I got until the fight is kicked out of me...

Sorry if I don't make sense with all this, my mind is swarming with bullshit atm...
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cynefin Offline
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Re: So it's been a while since my friend died... - October 30th 2014, 06:29 PM

Hi Thomas,

I'm sorry for your loss. I definitely know that online friends are more than just that. I have stronger bonds with my online friends than I do with people in my every day life personally. I am sure she was very important to you and I bet you touched her heart while she was still alive. She'll always have a special place in your heart though.

I don't think you're selfish at all. You said yourself that you tried to help her and you were there for her and that is all you could have done. She's right, you are really strong especially when you're going through all of this. Maybe you can write down some memories that you have with her, or look back at some of your old conversations to cheer yourself up. You can also write a letter to her so you can get a little bit of closure. Have you talked to someone about what you're going through? If not, perhaps you can talk to someone you trust or you can see a professional if one is available. If you don't want to talk to anyone in your personal life, here's a list of hotlines to refer to.

Take care and I'm here if you need anything.

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Kate* Offline
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Re: So it's been a while since my friend died... - October 30th 2014, 06:56 PM

Hey Thomas, I'm sorry for your loss, I know that death is hard. I can also tell that you feel guilty about what happened. I don't think that death is something we "get over" so much as we find our way through the pain and eventually hope it hurts less. I think she was right, you ARE strong, and you have it in you to get through this. The fact that she was an online friend doesn't diminish how much you cared about her or how important she was to you.

As far as the guilt goes, as painful as it is, we can't save another person. We can support them, help them, and guide them to help, but they have to save themselves. All we can do is the best we can and I believe you did that. You did everything you could do for her, even if it doesn't feel that way, and I don't think she would want you to beat yourself up for something you couldn't control. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions. You are strong enough to get through this, but it's going to hurt.

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died, friend

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