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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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My aunt died. - January 19th 2015, 04:02 AM

Yeah.

I don't really know what to do with myself. I hadn't spoken to her for a while. Her cancer was terminal, we knew she was going to die, and it still completely took me off-guard when she passed. I used to visit her house with my grandma in the evenings, have a cup of coffee and talk about things, watch TV, roast marshmallows... Now she's gone, and it doesn't feel right.

To top it all off, I'm going through a religious crisis. A month ago, I'd have taken this in stride, said: "Alright, she's gone into the next life, and we'll cross paths again somehow." Now...

I believed in a Soul beyond simple brain matter, and I believed that if there is a Soul (which would be a type of energy) it could neither be created or destroyed, but simply go through cycles. But now... I knew my Soul existed. I've lost that knowledge, and I'm terrified. Where did my Aunt Mary go? Surely she wasn't snuffed out that easily. Surely she didn't just die. Surely my beloved Aunt Mary isn't worm food. Surely my family won't become that! Surely I'll be able to remember my life after I'm dead, my mother, my father, my siblings, my family...

But it's so illogical. It's irrational. I have two sides of my mind struggling for supremacy: The logical side and the spiritual side. The spiritual side runs everything by the logical side, and the logical side disproves everything which could make feel even a bit better about the prospect of death. Reincarnation? No, sorry - a finite number of Souls in the universe isn't provable. Heaven? No, sorry - there's a thousand different interpretations of what comes after. And simply becoming worm food? It's perfectly logical, but it's just not fair, and it can't be right. It can't be. I can't believe it's true. If I did, what's to stop me killing myself right now? Life is pointless, there's no goal in life without something after, because everything I earn will be obliterated when I die. Everyone who knew me will forget me. I'll forget me. And my Aunt Mary... She'd just be gone.

Someone, quickly, console me. I can't sleep.


ANNA
ENTJ, HERMIT, AUTHOR.
"The most notorious ill-fortune must, in the end, yield to the untiring courage of philosophy - as the most stubborn city to the ceaseless vigilance of the enemy." - Edgar Allan Poe

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Re: My aunt died. - January 20th 2015, 08:16 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. It's understandable to be completely off guard when someone passes even if they're terminally ill because you were probably so used to her being sick. Someone I know is terminally ill and has had cancer since I was little, so it's what I'm used to and it seems like that could be similar to your experience.

No one knows what happens after we die, and I think the unknown aspect of that can be scary for a lot of people. I can't tell you what happens, but it might help for you to take some time to decide that for yourself. You don't have to decide and you don't have to fit into a certain religion, either. Just think about what feels right and makes the most sense to you. Maybe you can write these thoughts out to get them out of your head.

I think your aunt could be here in spirit, and surely, she's in a place in your heart.


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Re: My aunt died. - January 23rd 2015, 06:05 PM

The unknown is terrifying to me.

I've been writing out my thoughts, as you suggested. It's helped loads. Thank you for the suggestion, Cassiopeia.


ANNA
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"The most notorious ill-fortune must, in the end, yield to the untiring courage of philosophy - as the most stubborn city to the ceaseless vigilance of the enemy." - Edgar Allan Poe

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Re: My aunt died. - January 25th 2015, 01:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Writer View Post
I don't really know what to do with myself. I hadn't spoken to her for a while. Her cancer was terminal, we knew she was going to die, and it still completely took me off-guard when she passed. I used to visit her house with my grandma in the evenings, have a cup of coffee and talk about things, watch TV, roast marshmallows... Now she's gone, and it doesn't feel right.
This right here. Is word for word my story. Even the grandma, coffee, and TV part (a little freaky actually ^_^) But all the more for you to know I understand. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. It sucks. I know how terrible it feels. My aunt passed away from cancer a few years back. Feels like it was yesterday still. I watched her take her last breath in the hospital and every bit of me wondered where she is at now. Like you said I knew she was going to die but when she did it just hit me like a bullet leaving me wounded. And wondering, like you. Ironically the anniversary of her passing away is coming up.

Cassiopeia suggested a really good idea of writing your thoughts down. And like she said even though we may not be sure where she is but she will always be in your heart. Something I did was I wrote a letter to her. And I just let it go. I threw it over into a trench with a creek. But you can tie it to a balloon, burn it, whatever seems fitting. This way you can express to her your thoughts and its a way of getting all thoughts off of your chest. Where ever she is, her spirit is still alive, and she'll get it.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. Best wishes to you and hugs


"If I could just unzip my skin, step out of this body, then I would see who I really am. -Wintergirls

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Re: My aunt died. - January 25th 2015, 05:43 PM

The wondering is the worst. I wish I could know where she was, whether I'd see her again after I die. Her death hit so suddenly that I'm afraid my grandma or grandpa or someone else I love might die just as quickly... And that frightens me.

Thank you so much for talking to me. I appreciate knowing that I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way.


ANNA
ENTJ, HERMIT, AUTHOR.
"The most notorious ill-fortune must, in the end, yield to the untiring courage of philosophy - as the most stubborn city to the ceaseless vigilance of the enemy." - Edgar Allan Poe

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Re: My aunt died. - January 26th 2015, 02:31 AM

You're definantly not alone in this

These two quotes helped me through, and I hope they can help you as well.

"If you live in the fear of your future because of what happened in your past, you'll end up losing what you have in the present."

This helped me keep going and helped me shift my focus from what happened to my aunt to focusing on my dreams and future again.

And this one:
"Just Breathe"

Literally thats it. ^_^ When your mind is so full of questions, thoughts, whys and ifs, etc. Stop close your eyes and just breathe. You will make it through and everything will be okay

Another hug for you


"If I could just unzip my skin, step out of this body, then I would see who I really am. -Wintergirls

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Re: My aunt died. - January 26th 2015, 03:19 AM

I'm really sorry to hear about your Aunt. Losing a family member is never easy. I understand what it's like to lose someone from cancer.
My inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to.


   
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