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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lido Offline
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this boy I knew - May 10th 2009, 05:30 AM

there was this boy JP at my school who killed himself earlier this week and I hardly even knew him but he sat in my English class diagonally across from me. And I keep feeling like if only there was something I had said different or done different maybe he wouldn't have. And now there;s always this vacant chair in class and I didn't even really know him that well so I don't know why this has made me so sad but also now I'll never even get the chance to know him. I was suicidal last year and I know what that's like and I know that's no way for anyone to go. But also I know that that could have been me or any of my friends just as easily. but sometimes I feel so afraid as well that I don't really feel this I way I just think I should feel this way or even worse sometimes I get the feeling that I'm not scared because it could have been me I'm sad it wasn't me at that JP sorta of beat me to the punch and now I'm jealous of him. I don't think these things are true but I don't know sometimes it's so hard to tell what I'm really thinking.

people like you and me, it's our job to care it's all we know it's what we were created to do. Even if the people we care about weren't real or didn't know us, we just keep on caring anyway. That way we make sure a little piece of that person lingers on watching over us, like the heroes in our dreams like the stars in the sky.
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noise94 Offline
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Re: this boy I knew - May 10th 2009, 04:09 PM

Hey there. (:

I am truly sorry to hear about the death of this boy. Suicide is such an awful thing, and it's even harder to deal with when it's someone so young. I know right now, nothing makes sense and everything's so overwhelming, but give it some time. Everything will begin to come back into perspective and you'll learn how to cope better.

This was not your fault. Not in the slightest. Whatever caused this boy to take his own life, was something far bigger than someone in class not talking to him. Something that must have been out of his control, and out of your control. He made the decision, not a very good decision because he deserves to be here, living. But regardless, the decision was made and the action was carried out. This boys life is over, but yours isn't. You are still here, living, breathing, and you will continue to do so. Now you have to live the life this boy didn't get the chance to.

After the loss of your friend, you can realize how precious life is. You can see the impact his suicide has had on everybody around him, even you, and all you did was sit near him in class. Is there anyway you could speak to a teacher about getting that spare chair taken out of the class? It can't be easy to concentrate with that chair haunting you all through class.

Remember, as bad as things seem now, it won't be bad forever. Don't blame yourself. You can get through this. Just hang in there.
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soul Offline
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Re: this boy I knew - May 15th 2009, 08:15 PM


You cannot hold yourself accountable for what happened to JP. Anytime someone loses someone the care about to suicide they usually question what could have been done differently. Second guessing yourself like this isn't going to bring him back and it certainly isn't going to make you feel any better. You can't expect yourself to be a mind reader. You didn't know how he was feeling and it isn't your fault that he didn't reach out to anyone. You can't help someone who doesn't want it. Losing someone young can be scary because it forces you to face your own mortality. Everyone does die eventually and that is why you have to make the most of the time you do have here. I am sure JP wouldn't want his death to hold you back. Keep his spirit alive by living out everyday to the fullest. Taking to your school's guidance counselor about how you're feeling about all of this might help you. It might also be a good idea to talk to her about implementing a program at your school for people who are feeling suicidal. Good things can come out even the worst of events. I know this is a very difficult to deal with it but I also know you can make it through this. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love <3 Mimi

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eunoia Offline
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Re: this boy I knew - May 17th 2009, 12:43 AM

Hey there, Lido.

I am so sorry to hear about your community's loss. The death of a young person can really shake an entire community. I'm sure things aren't easy for a lot of people, right now, and it seems that includes you.

Try to understand that this isn't your fault. You aren't to blame for "not saving him." Sometimes, for some people, life becomes too much. Understanding suicide is a very difficult thing--it's hard to make peace with someone hurting so much that they felt the only way out was to die. Know that he is at peace now, that he cannot hurt anymore. Although that cannot bring him back, maybe it can help you to make peace.

Don't keep your feelings to yourself. If you're hurting or need someone to talk to, that is okay. Reach out to your loved ones--you deserve their support. Take care and remember we're always here for you. PM me if you need anything.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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