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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Holly Offline
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Struggling - June 3rd 2015, 09:26 PM

My gran died two weeks ago. At this time I've had a lot of other things going on, I left my job and moved back home with my parents, in order to go travelling for 3 months and then move to London when I'm back.

I've been trying to keep strong for my family, my mum and younger cousins, but I think I've been convincing myself I'm okay when I'm not.

I'm due to fly out on Friday and feel very weird about leaving everyone at this time, but also I'm struggling more than I thought.
I'm scared I won't be able to cope as well with the challenges of travelling, and I just feel really down and anxious about it.

Does anyone have any advice or experiences of having to get on with things when you've lost someone?

Thank you in advance.

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but its sinking,
racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.
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Re: Struggling - June 3rd 2015, 11:43 PM

First off, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm not sure I can offer any real advice, but I think it's normal to be apprehensive about leaving your family and travelling on your own after experiencing grief and getting used to having others around. It also sounds as if you are feeling somewhat guilty for leaving your family after your grandmother's passing, but remember that you have been there to support them for the past couple of weeks and I'm sure they realize that you must start to move on with your life, as they do. Best wishes.
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Re: Struggling - June 4th 2015, 03:33 AM

I'm sorry for your loss.

One thing that might help is listening to music whenever you get the chance. I find that all of the sound and the lyrics help block my negative thoughts out. You can also consider listening to nature sounds, or calming music, like this. Anything calming like that can also help you relax enough to fall asleep for a while. You can also try writing letters to your Gran to get some closure. Someone on here recently recommended decorating a box and using that as a place to keep the letters you've written to someone you've lost. Perhaps you can set up some time to make a schedule of when to communicate with your family so you have something that is constant.

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Re: Struggling - June 4th 2015, 03:22 PM

Last year I lost a close friend by suicide. Me and my girls, planted a tree for her (I was an in-patient at the time and haven't long left) and it was somewhere I sat and spoke to her. It was really comforting. I'd go over by it and sit down and just talk to her about what I had been doing and about how much I missed her and sometimes I used to smoke at the same time and joked about how much she'd want a cigarette because it made me smile. I have a box like what has already been suggested and I write letters to her all the time. My psychologist worked with bereaved parents and this was an idea from that which she passed on to me which I have found really helpful. I've written poems about her too.

The pain is still there. It's never going to go but it does get easier. When it first happened, things got so bad I was but on constant observations all the time and then I got up but started sleeping on the sofa until 1/2pm in the afternoon because for me, that was part of grieving; being tired. I felt anger, shame, sadness, I felt it all and you probably will too. But you've got to keep fighting because even though it still hurts, it gets easier to manage and deal with. Just like grieving take its place and don't be afraid to talk to people if you need to or to reach out for some support because you don't have to go through it on your own okay?

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you feel better soon. Head high buttercup.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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