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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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I don't know how to cry - July 25th 2015, 09:07 AM

My granddad passed away 3 hours ago and I'm here on the other side of the world and I don't know how to cope or cry. While all my family members are crying and upset, I don't show any emotions at all. I don't know how to comfort my sisters and my parents. I'm emotionless. I don't know anymore.



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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 25th 2015, 04:02 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate. When my granddad died, I didn't really feel anything either. We were never close, in fact he barely spoke to me. So, I was sitting there while everyone else was crying feeling incredibly out of place and thinking I should help, but not knowing how. Just because you're not upset that doesn't mean you automatically have to comfort everyone else. It's okay not to know, everybody reacts differently and sometimes our reactions surprise us.


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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 25th 2015, 05:49 PM

I am sorry for your loss. It's not abnormal for you not to cry. Sometimes, people cope with loss in different ways. As long as you're emotionally taking care of yourself, you will be just fine. Don't worry about taking care of other people. You may think it's crucial for you to help them, but they might just cope by crying and leaning on one another. It's okay for you to cope in your own way. If it's not crying, maybe you could write a letter, dedicate a song to him, anything that makes you feel positive. I know when someone close to me died, I didn't cry, but I carry her pictures in my purse. I know you might not want to do something like that, but I'm just telling you that there are different ways to cope. You can do this.


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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 25th 2015, 10:58 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves in different ways and just because you don't cry, it doesn't mean you don't care or cannot be a comfort to your family. Best wishes to you and your family at this time.
   
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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 26th 2015, 09:27 AM

Hi, Del.

I'm very sorry for your loss. What you and your family are going through sounds really difficult and confusing.

As others have said; everyone grieves in different ways. Let yourself feel your emotions towards the loss of your grandfather at your own pace. You don't have to pressure yourself to react or feel a certain way nor do you have to feel obligated to comfort everyone else. Your parents and sisters probably feel comfort in simply talking to you during this difficult time. Just being there and listening could help a lot, and while doing so, don't feel afraid to voice any thoughts/feelings of your own as well.

Finding ways to cope and figuring out your feelings in your own way might help. You can write down your thoughts and any feelings you have to get them out on paper or confide in a friend about how you're feeling. Britt also has a great idea about dedicating a song to him, you could also do a similar thing by writing a poem about your grandfather. Like she said, do what makes you feel positive or helps you work through this in a healthy way.

Let me know if you need anything. Take care of yourself, and in the meantime, I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
   
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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 27th 2015, 02:42 PM

We all grieve in different ways my love. I lost a friend last year and I cried my eyes out, went into self destruct mode then a few weeks later I ended up sleeping for most of the days. It was so weird but it helped me get through it because thats what my mind and body wanted to do. Its okay to cry and its okay not to cry too. You grieve in the way you need too, okay?

If you want to talk about anything, I'm here. I know it's hard but you can do this and get through it. Stay strong


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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 29th 2015, 01:28 PM

Thank you all for replying. I've been reading loads of books and listening to music. I still can't grasp the fact that my granddad is really gone. I keep telling myself that he is gone and it's not a dream. I always thought that he was going to outlive his 6 siblings. Sigh. Thank you again for replying.


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Re: I don't know how to cry - July 29th 2015, 02:55 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.

It seems like you are coping in your own way, everyone copes with death differently. It's ok to find an escape from the reality, but it is good you keep reminding yourself he is gone. It is going to take some time for it to really hit home that he is gone, because he has been in your life forever; even if you are halfway around the world, he was always around nonetheless and now he isn't.

I'm here if you want a chat.
   
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Re: I don't know how to cry - August 9th 2015, 02:42 PM

losing family is the hardest thing. Especially when you're not even with them when it happens. I lost my dad 2 months ago to a heart attack when I was studying abroad. I wasn't even home for the funeral. I still can't believe it and I cannot even express how strange the entire time. It still feels like I'm going to wake up in my bed and it's all going to be a bad dream. Time doesn't really make sense to me anymore and one thing is weaved into another and I've barely cried. I find myself not being able to understand what is happening around me and yet I have to continue doing what I have to do.

That's the thing. The people who've passed on, who are not living anymore, they've have left behind the living. And that's exactly what we have to continue to do. Live. We may not understand or even be able to comprehend what's happening. It will never be the same. And no one can ever replace your grandfather. You'll always have memories, though; you have his genes in every cell of your body. Those are things people can never take away from you. Let us live to make them proud, whether they are watching or not. It's scary, though I'm pretty sure your grandfather was confident in who you are. I recently read something that made me think a little and maybe is even helping me cope a little bit more. If you would like to give it a read it: http://beginwithyes.com/is-there-a-h...m-dragonflies/

It may take a long while before you decide to cry or are even okay with crying knowing that you won't completely break down from it. And if you do, that's okay too. We're here for you when you need us. You don't have to tough it out. You just deal with it the way it most naturally comes to you. And take all the time you require.
If you need anyone to talk to anytime, message me whenever. Take care x


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Re: I don't know how to cry - August 14th 2015, 05:11 PM

Hey there,

Everyone deals with grieving in different ways, whilst some people may cry tons. Some people find it difficult to cry or show emotion. There is nothing wrong with you for not being able to cry. It may take some time for things to sink in and for your reaction to change. You may never cry over your loss, that isn't to say that you don't feel it and you aren't grieving. Everyone is allowed to grieve in their own way, as long as you aren't bottling things up then there is nothing wrong with your reaction. My nan passed away recently and I found it hard to cry, I found it hard to show much emotion, because deep down I was happy for my nan, yes I was devastated that she was gone, but I knew that she no longer wanted to be here and the way I looked at it she was finally at peace and I tried to focus on her needs and her wants being fulfilled not my own.

There is nothing wrong with you, and I'm always here if there's anything you need to speak about.

Paige


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