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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Brittany123 Offline
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Grief Counseling - May 15th 2009, 05:26 PM

I went to school with this guy for about 6 months in 8th grade.. and when we graduated from middle school he stopped going to my towns public schools... We werent best friends but we knew each other and we were okay.. And we talked.. He was such a nice kid... He was always nice and sweet caring.. and always had a silly grin on his face.. He was goofy and smart and pretty much a nerd.. lol but he was a great person..

I just found out wednesday.. that tuesday... he killed himself..

When i found out at first.. i was okay.,.. i mean i was upset but i was okay... Then about a half an hour later.. i started balling... crying my eyes out.. and i didnt stop for 6 and a half hours straight... finally around 10 o'clock pm.. i stopped crying

Stupid me.. when i finally stopped crying and relaxed.. i went and got my 8th grade year book and flipped through it and found his picture and started crying even worse..

My mom was completely freaked out and the next day she called my guidance couselor and had him set up a grief counseling service for me..

He kept telling me that talking about it would make me feel better.. but i dont think it will.. i mean just writing this thread im crying!

I cant stop thinking about the last thing he said to me.. It was 8th grade... probably near the end of may... He was working on this project and when i walked over to him.. i saw a piece of paper was laying where it looked like it wasnt suppposed to and i said hey i think you messed up here... and he said to me..........

"No... I know what Im doing.. Its going to be okay Brittany...I meant to do it. It will be better this way."



Just a little ironic no?

God... I dont know what to do.. i wanna go to this counseling thing but i dont wanna think about it and cry all the time now.. what should i do??????????????? help
   
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Re: Grief Counseling - May 15th 2009, 05:37 PM

hey... sorry that happened...
and sometimes the way to get over a state of grieving is to grieve. seriously. let yourself get upset, let yourself cry, talk to someone and it's all better than letting it get bottled up inside of you. i read somewhere that when they say time heals all wounds, it's due to the constant repetition of the memory that numbs the feelings that comes with it.
don't stop going for counselling and keep the faith. (: turn to God and pray for His help through this.
take care!



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the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Drey Offline
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Re: Grief Counseling - May 15th 2009, 07:58 PM

I'm also very sorry this happened to you, I know it's really hard to deal with when someone kills themselves even if it's someone we didn't really get together with anymore. I think that you should continue to go to counseling, it will help. Talking will help, but it will take time. Grief takes time, you just have to be willing to give yourself the time that you need and deserve. It's okay to cry, it's a healthy, natural emotion.

I think it's a good thing you keep thinking about that last thing he said to you, and put it into perspective (which I think is what you are doing) now.

If you ever want to talk, just PM me, I'm always around
   
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Re: Grief Counseling - May 15th 2009, 08:24 PM

Hey Brittany,

I know this must have been difficult for you to post and I am glad you found the strength to share your story with us. Losing someone is extremely difficult but when you lose someone to suicide the pain is so much worse. It is okay to cry. Bottling everything up will only cause more pain in the long run. Talking about your feelings with a grief counselor may be difficult for you but it is worth it. If you're not ready to talk about everything and you just want to slowly share more and more then let your counselor know that. They are there to help you and make you feel as comfortable with the therapy as possible. If talking about things is too painful then you could always try writing a journal. It is important to find some outlet for your emotions so they don't just sit inside you and brew into something worse. After losing a friend it is easy to feel isolated and alone. I just want to remind you that you are not alone and there are plenty of people on TH who would be more than willing to help you through this. I am here for you if you ever need me. PM me anytime and I'll do my best to help. I know how hard it is to lose someone to suicide so I think I understand a little of what you're feeling right now. Take care and hang in there. It won't hurt this bad forever.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: Grief Counseling - May 16th 2009, 05:32 AM

Hey Brittany.
I know it's hard to lose someone, I've been there before, and it's something I would never wish on anyone. Especially seeing as he killed himself, I know that must be extremely hard for you to hear and deal with. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do, it's perfectly okay. Your counselor has probably dealt with a lot of situations like these before, and I think it's true that talking through this really might make you feel better. It may not seem like it, but sometimes when you're able to vent, and simply get your feelings off of your chest, it can work wonders. I would say give it a chance. When you think of your friend, think of the good memories you have made with him. No one can take those moments away from you, no matter what, they're always yours, and that part of him is always with you. Stay strong, okay? If you ever need anyone, I'm always here :]





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Re: Grief Counseling - May 16th 2009, 10:49 PM

Hey Brittany.
Suicide is such a terrible thing, isn't it? So is grief in general *hugs lots*
I know just how terrible it is to lose someone. I also understand why you weren't extremely upset until a little later. At first you go into like, a shock state...you don't really know WHAT to think or HOW to react or respond. I'm really glad that you're crying though. not because I'm happy that you're sad, but I'm happy that you're expressing how sad you are. I'm also glad that you've been offered grief counselling.

As far as not wanting to think about it, you're going to have to. It's just a new fact of life that you're going to have to learn how to cope with. and THAT'S what grief counselling is going to do for you. Give you ways to cope with grief. It'll also help you learn things like why you grieve and how you grieve and the question asked often, "how long until it's over"

In truth, it's probably not going to go away completely, you'll just learn different ways to cope with it, and it'll become easier, I promise. It might take time though, and counselling can help.

Besides, like I said, crying is good. The more you cry, the more you're letting out in a healthy way. If you talk about it and cry about it, you don't need to feel embarassed or ashamed, you need to just feel whatever you're feeling (sadness, anger, fear, etc)

I know, trust me, that this isn't going to make it better, but I'm really sorry for your loss. I know that's such a cliche sentence, but it's true. i really am sorry that you have to grieve. I'm realy sorry that this part of your life has ended (but glad that another part of your life is starting)

Think of grief as a journey, not a struggle. Grief is also just like a rainbow. It has different stages, and they aren't always in the same order.

*hugs lots* Keep us updated,okay? <3 I really hope that you decide to go to grief counselling. I think it could be really helpful for you.
   
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Re: Grief Counseling - May 17th 2009, 12:57 AM

Hey there, Brittany.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like your friend was such a lovely person. Losing someone to suicide can be so difficult to cope with--we're left wondering what was hurting them do badly that the only way out, to them, was death.

It sounds like your mom really cares about you and that she is worried. I, for one, am glad she called your guidance counselor. I know that it might feel like talking about your loss will make things worse, but it really can help.

Know that it is okay to cry. Death is a difficult thing to understand, but you don't have to struggle with this alone. Lean on your loved ones and give talking about it a chance, yeah?

Take care and let me know if you need anything.



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I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
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Re: Grief Counseling - May 18th 2009, 02:47 PM

hey babe

i know how you feel and those last words from him are a little ironic but trust me you me and the whole school will get threw it unofortunately this is the way he needed it to be all we can do is remeber the good things and his goofy smile and get threw this as a school

maggz


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Re: Grief Counseling - May 27th 2009, 02:48 PM

God.. Mike.. I miss you sop damn much!!! i should have tried to keep in contact with you.. i should have been more in your life.. Im soo sorry.. im so sorry
   
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