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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
atselzer Offline
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friend committed suicide - February 3rd 2016, 05:35 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

To start off, this is just a vent. If you have any advice that's great, but the purpose of this post is just to vent.

So i have had a close friend. We'll call him L. L and I have been friends since 6th grade ( in 11th now). We have always done everything together. Gaming, exploring, hiking, surfing, you get the idea. We were close. Two weeks ago, we had a bit of a falling out. I forgot to sign out of my twitter account on my computer and he went on and made some posts, as a joke. This really bothered me and we got into an argument. Typical teenage stuff. I decided not to talk to him for a little while. Two weeks later, a serious event went down at my high school. I was in first period when the school announced that there was a lock down. The lock down dragged on for a bit and rumors began to spread about what was going on. I was told by a classmate that a student in another class had written a note saying that he was going to shoot up the whole school. Things got pretty serious when that student was no where to be found. All students in all classes were escorted out to the field where we were surrounded by S.W.A.T. officers holding assault riffles to protect us from the possible shooter. Yes, this is all real, this happened. Shit was getting pretty serious, our school was all over the news. About an hour later it was confirmed that my friend, L, had written the note, ditched school, and threw himself infront of an ongoing train. I have never been more devastated in my life. I have dealt with the loss of old relatives and pets but nothing compares to how this feels. I was told by L's family that his suicide was due to much deeper mental health issues and had nothing to do with our little falling out but I can't help but feel somewhat responsible.

So yeah, that's what just happened in my life. I'm doing my best to cope but it hurts... really bad. Thanks for reading

Last edited by cynefin; February 3rd 2016 at 05:49 AM. Reason: Adding prefix
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Re: friend committed suicide - February 3rd 2016, 05:54 AM

Since the purpose of your post was to vent, I won't offer advice but I read through your post and I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. I hope you do continue to vent to get things out of your system. Continue posting to this thread, keep a journal, or consider blogging so you can talk about what you're going through.

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Re: friend committed suicide - February 3rd 2016, 07:05 PM

Hi there lovely,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It sounds like it was an incredibly difficult day and I can't imagine how you must have felt. But thank you for coming here to rant and for some advice. That's a really big step and I hope we can offer you some advice or support and be there to listen.

I'll be honest with you. When I was in hospital for three years, my friend committed suicide. There. We all witnessed what a horned and n staff found her she wasn't breathing but they managed to get her breathing again and she was put on life support in hospital. Two days later she passed away and it breaks my heart everyday. Was it something I did that triggered it? Could I have done more? Could I have been a better friend? All these run through my mind constantly and I think yes to them all. So I can relate to what you're goi g through but know none of this is your fault. None of this was your responsibility, okay? I wouldn't lie to you.

What I do is I have a pretty little box and I have a few innings of my friends stuff I. There. She made made me something which I keep in there, she made me a bracelet that I keep in there, I keep a dvd she gave me in there and flowers from the tree we planted in her memory. But something that really helps me is to write it her and I keep all the letters I write in that box. It helps me communicate with her. That might sound weird. But I feel like I'm taking to her again. I write about how I could have helped her more, how I miss her, about what I've done in my day and sometimes when I feel low I rant to her. Is this something you could try doing? It might help or it might not but either way maybe it's worth a try.

Again I'm so sorry for your loss. If you want to message me anytime, please feel free too. You're not alone in this and I'm glad you were able to rant about it and talk to us about it.

Stay strong,
Hopes and wishes,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Last edited by Palmolive; February 3rd 2016 at 07:47 PM.
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Re: friend committed suicide - February 4th 2016, 05:59 AM

I am truly sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are taking it really hard and he was important to you. I have no idea what you are feeling right now, and I'm not going to pretend to understand. But venting is important to help let things out and I hope you continue to vent whenever you feel the need to. All those ideas that Cassie gave are great ideas and I hope you use one of them.

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Re: friend committed suicide - February 6th 2016, 06:02 PM

Hi there,

Let me start by saying I am very sorry about your friend. I have no idea what you are going through. So I am not going to act like I understand. Please do not blame yourself for this. It in no way was your fault Other than that I don't have much advice. However, I am a great listener. If you ever need or want anyone to talk to I am just a message away!

Take care of yourself,

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. ~Oscar Wilde.
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Re: friend committed suicide - February 8th 2016, 05:36 PM

I'm so sorry for what has happened. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt you must be feeling right now and it sounds like a really difficult and I hope you and your family and your friends family will be able to support and help each other through this difficult time. If you ever need to talk more, I do hope you'll feel comfortable venting here again or PMing me or anyone else who you might want to talk to about it.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: friend committed suicide - February 13th 2016, 03:31 AM

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend.

I can't even imagine to begin how you feel.

Just know that if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

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Re: friend committed suicide - February 22nd 2016, 03:33 PM

I hope your okay. Please know this isn't your fault. You didn't make him write the note. You didn't push him onto a ongoing train. It is not your fault. I know you two had a little argument but it shouldn't have lead to this. Me and my fight a lot over dumb things but we never did anything like this (due to the fact we're only in 6th grade). But don't beat yourself up about this. It isn't your fault.
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