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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Elizabeth Offline
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Dying Friend - May 16th 2009, 06:45 PM

So the TA in my English class and I become good friends and talked often, he was in my group of friends.
Last week, he was riding his skateboard without a helmet and crashed. I'm don't completely understand the medical talk, but I know his brain has swelled and has impaired most of his basic functions. He is in a comma. He was put under a lot of drugs and they are waiting for the swelling to go down. They started lowering the doses of drugs and he started pulling at the tubes, and they put him back under.
His brain isn't de-swelling like they hoped it would, and they doctor say there is a very likely chance that he won't pull through.

I feel guilty in the fact that I'm bracing myself for his death. Is this wrong? I know I should be hoping for his full recovery but I can't help but think, If he does live, will he be impaired? That isn't how he would want to live. He was so active and I couldn't see him living like that.

Is it normal to get ready for someone elses death? I feel really morbid. :/ Does anyone have any advice?
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_Christ lover- Offline
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Re: Dying Friend - May 16th 2009, 07:02 PM

yes, that's perfectly normal if ytou know that it may happen, matter of a fact sometimes it can be good to prepare.
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eunoia Offline
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Re: Dying Friend - May 17th 2009, 12:32 AM

Hey there, Elizabeth.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's accident. =( When someone we care for is sick or injured, and the doctor's aren't giving them much of a chance, it's hard to cope with. It's okay, and normal, for you to begin preparing for his loss.

If he comes out of this alright, that's wonderful. But you're listening to sound medical advice, telling you he may not. You can still hope for the best, but understanding what the doctors are saying is important.

I think the bottom line is that there is no way to, really, prepare for loss. If your friend doesn't pull through it will be very difficult for you. Lean on your loved ones, right now--it's okay to need them. Remember that TeenHelp, and myself, are always here for you. Take care and let me know if you need anything.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
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Elizabeth Offline
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Re: Dying Friend - May 21st 2009, 12:18 AM

Thank you so much for your advice.
Brett has been doing much better! He is now responding to the nurses when they ask him to open his eyes! He can blink as a singal that he recognizes family. Friends still havn't be allowed to seem him. They still arn't sure if he has all his ablities and he is still under heavy medication.
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Re: Dying Friend - May 21st 2009, 12:57 AM

Hi, Elizabeth.
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to your friend that definitely can't be easy to deal with. I really hope he pulls through... its great that he's becoming responsive . That said, no, I really don't think that you're being morbid... its natural to try and prepare yourself for things that'll be dificult to come. Luckily, things seem to be looking a bit better. Its never easy to deal with someone you love/care about being hurt or ill, especially if it could be life threatening. Do try and keep thinking of him as alive, though; after all, he is. Hopefully, things will keep looking up.
Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.



PM anytime (: ................ ☮ ♥ ♪ ♫ la la di da : )
i am beautiful because that's how i see myself.
talented, because i have confidence in what i do.
scarred because at times, i couldn't take it.
strong, because one day, i chose to be.
loveable because i've learned to love myself.
and also because, same as everyone else,
i was born that way.
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Re: Dying Friend - May 23rd 2009, 06:44 AM

Hey Elizabeth,

I am so happy to hear your friend is doing better. I wish him a full and speedy recovery. There is a saying 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst' and I think that applies here. Don't go around focusing on the negative and making yourself believe he doesn't have a chance and on the other hand don't convince yourself that he 100% positively will be the same because he may not. You mentioned that you aren't allowed to visit him yet and that must be hard. It might be a good idea to write him a letter and get his other friends to sign it. Even if he can't understand the letter now it is the thought that counts. I just want to remind you that there are people who care about you and would love to help you through this if you'd only let them. You don't have to deal with this alone. I am here for you if you need me and I am sure so many other users would love nothing more to help in any way they could. I wouldn't wish what you're going through on anyone. Try to remember that worrying about this 24/4 and letting your anxieties consume you isn't going to make him better and it certainly isn't going to do you any good. Take care and stay strong. I am here for you if you need me.

Lots of love <3 Mimi

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Re: Dying Friend - May 27th 2009, 10:26 PM

It is perfectly normal.
My dad got in an off roading accident three years ago and I never prepared myself for the hospital. He died and it was the hardest thing to get through.
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