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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
Optimistic pessimist
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Name: Maria
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Father passed away.. - August 18th 2016, 06:05 AM

I haven't been on here in a really long time...

But I always feel like I can come here if I need it.

In February, my father got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. 6 days later he was moving a waterbed, vacuuming his bedroom by hand and telling me he was going to take his motorcycle cross country again.
A day after that, I got a call, drove home from work, and my boyfriend was sitting next to my dead dad in his bedroom.

I cried that night. Within the next week I got really drunk every night and cried. A few weeks later I ate a bottle of pills, went to the emergency room, got out as soon as the levels dropped (Working in mental health has it's perks to getting out of mental health situations!) Since then I've been fine. I went back to my old therapist, got back on meds (which I needed to before this) and have been numb to the situation except the occasional song that makes me cry or something.

These past few days I've been having dreams about him. It is finally beginning to feel even a little bit real, and I don't think it's all the way sunk in yet. I'm living in the house he died in, and my mother wants to sell it which is a weird situation anyway.

I guess I want your advice on what helped you get through something like this? Or any suggestions? I feel like this is sending me into another major depressive spiral. I'm drinking a lot, and doing a lot of drugs (I know it's bad and not helpful, it's not super hard addictive drugs, but totally quitting is not a thing I'm capable in my mindset, and it's even more frustrating that I can realize that) I'm just not sure where to go from here, or even how to keep going. I just want my Daddy back

The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Darling everything's on fire

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Re: Father passed away.. - August 18th 2016, 02:03 PM

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. It must be very painful for you. I'm glad you went back to your therapist and went on some new medication, though.

I think your numbness is your body's way of trying to protect yourself from the full reality. Maybe you're not ready to see it or cope with it quite yet and that's okay. You'll have to do that in your own time.

Since you said you're not ready to quit doing drugs, maybe you can slowly decrease the number of times you take them instead. You can also use some alternatives or some coping skills so that you are at least trying to avoid it before you give into it.

How's therapy going? Are you able to increase your number if sessions if you feel like you need to? How does your therapist feel about out of session contact? If you're allowed to contact your therapist out of session if you're in a crisis, definitely take advantage of that. If you don't currently know how your therapist feels about it, ask them. You can also lean on your mom if you feel comfortable doing that, as she is grieving your dad as well.

Try expressing yourself in different ways. Draw, write poetry, or music, paint, sing, blog, or tell someone about it so you're not keeping it inside. You can also distract yourself by exercising or doing busy work. However, don't distract yourself too much, because it could make processing your father's death harder.

I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but not knowing about what happens after death gives us the ability to visualize something comforting for ourselves. I lost someone recently, and the person I lost loved butterflies and I've seen a lot of those recently. I tend to picture her watching me, and keeping me safe in her own way. Maybe you can find something comforting like that to keep in your mind.

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