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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Everglow. Offline
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Pretty rough time... - October 11th 2016, 09:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know what I'm asking or if it's worth posting here because I don't think I'm grieving wrongly or anything. In fact I think my whole family are being so strong and doing everyone so proud. But my god is it difficult.

Over a month ago my nan went into hospital, and after 2 weeks or so in, she was diagnosed with cancer and died 6 days later. I found out on the Tuesday, and on the Thursday, she passed away. For about a week I was in a sort of denial. I knew she was gone but on the other hand I had to keep reminding myself because it didn't feel any different. I went to her flat and from then I understood she was gone.

Yesterday we had the funeral. I held it together until a letter my mum had written to her was read out, and then I cried. I held mums hand and she cried so much. My other nan cried and it was so weird seeing her like that. It was a hard day and a beautiful, beautiful service, with lovely music and plenty of flowers in tribute to her. We all had a laugh at the pub after, but when I got home that night I got into bed and cried myself to sleep.

Tonight I feel so lost. I went to see her flowers today, we spent ages going to the book of remembrance, the war memorial, the plot where my great grandparents ashes are and where nanas will go. We spent a good 20 minutes or more driving round looking for the oldest grave and it was so so peaceful. But now I do feel so lost. I miss my nana so much and I'm so sad and I don't know quite what to do with all of that sadness. I know I can cry but I'm so tired from crying yesterday that I'm really trying not to. All I want to do is sleep all day so I don't have to face it all.

I don't know what I'm asking. I think I just needed to say it all. I really am trying to make her proud and keep going, she wouldn't want us to be sad all the time so I try not to be. But I miss her so much.
   
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Re: Pretty rough time... - October 13th 2016, 12:05 AM

I don't think she'd want you to be sad all the time either but I do think she'd want you to express your feelings. I know you said you're tired from crying, but maybe try crying if you feel able to, to see if that helps release a little bit more from inside.

I think it's kind of hard because between the death and the funeral you are sort of able to come to terms with it and be a little bit okay and then the funeral makes it final and it enforces the fact that the person is dead. Maybe your feelings will improve as time moves away from her services.

Everyone grieves differently and you might feel a lot of sadness for a while and like you said, you're not grieving in a wrong way. Everything you're feeling is valid and you might just have to let it run its course for however long it needs to take.

In the meantime, can you think of anything you can do to make you look forward to getting out of bed in the morning even if it is something small? I know how difficult it can be but maybe that would help, even if only a little.

I am here if you want to talk to someone.


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