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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Aintzane411 Offline
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my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 6th 2017, 11:35 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

he went missing at the beginning of april, and we just found out on wednesday that hes been dead this whole time

at the beginning, i had wrapped my head around him being dead, but my friends kept talking about not giving up and they fucking managed to get me to hope a little and that just made everything so much worse

i knew he was dead at the beginning. everything pointed to it. they found his search history and it was things like "what does a heart attack feel like" "is there an afterlife" and the times that the pedestrian walkway on the bridge wa sopen he even visited a friends facebook page bc it was that friends birthday

i knew he was dead someone had said they saw someone jump but didnt know who so everyone was denying it was kevin but i knew i fucking knew they called off water searches that first week because there were sharks why the fuck would there be sharks in the bay unless there was some source of food like a body

i knew and i let them convince me to hope and now i wish i were dead too
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Re: my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 7th 2017, 12:27 AM

Hi Amelia,

I'm really sorry that you've had to go through this. I've lost a few friends to suicide throughout my life time. A couple of them were the same way, when they went missing and weren't found, but eventually were found deceased. I'm not going to lie, it's hard to come to terms with. Eventually you don't forget, but it becomes easier to deal with it.

I'm also going to move this to the death and grieving section as I feel like it would fit better there.

I hope you feel better!
Brittany



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Re: my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 7th 2017, 12:46 PM

Hi Amelia

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this. I'm also sorry that your friends gave you some hope when you knew your other friend had died. Some people just refuse to accept someone they know is dead, even if they've been missing for weeks. You shouldn't feel bad, and I would suggest you reach out to your friends or a counselor for support.

We're here if you need to reach out to us again.
   
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Re: my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 7th 2017, 01:54 PM

I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.

It must have been difficult to have had a little hope, and then to have had that taken away from you when you found out he was definitely deceased. Perhaps, like you said, your friends didn't want to think about him being dead so they held out hope as their way of coping.

Is there someone you can talk to about this, like a friend, parent, or counselor? You don't even have to talk to someone if you don't want to, sometimes just being present with someone helps a lot.

I will keep you in my thoughts.


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Re: my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 11th 2017, 09:22 PM

(((TW suicide and self harm)))i thought about posting this in a different thread but its still kind of related so here it goes


his funeral is like a 3 day thing and today is the first ayd and we're gonna leave in like an hour and i cant do this fuck

i took 2 shots bc i dont want to do this sober and i rly want another one but i dont think i can act sober with three shots and no food in me

i mostly just want to ru naway or die i wish it was me instead of him

i didnt even kno him that well i know this is just my depression flaring up but fucking hell i wish i were dead iveb een cutting again and no one knows i hide it really well and i wish i could cut o my forearms but i cant hide it so im doing my shoulders ive been dealign with cutting for seven fucking years im a grown ass adult why ant i get control of my fucking ilfe fcuk

i dont kow what to do im gonna lose it at the fneral tonight and my mom doesnt know how much its affected me shes gonna be concerned and ask questions fucking hell i hate everything
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Re: my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 14th 2017, 06:23 PM

It's difficult battling depression, loss, and addiction all at the same time. I am so sorry things are difficult right now, and I believe the three day service is over now. How did you do? I think it'd be a good idea to reach out to friends during this time that knew this person as well, so you can all lean on one another. That would certainly help with the loss aspect of what you are dealing with right now.

You may feel you're not worthy of help and may as well be dead, but that is not true at all. You've already admitted you need help, even if you say you're not worthy of it. You know you need it and I would definitely reach out to someone you trust. It doesn't have to be your mother, it can be a friend or a mentor. They will be more than happy to guide you even if you believe you're screwed up in every single way.

Recovery starts anywhere, even at rock bottom.
   
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Re: my friend killed himself and im not coping well - May 15th 2017, 06:57 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your friend.

I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now.

If you ever need anything, my inbox is always open.


   
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