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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Question Classmate killed himself - July 31st 2017, 04:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I found out yesterday that someone who I went to school with and also lives in my neighborhood hung himself. We both went to different high schools, so I haven't seen this kid in a year. I never really knew him personally or anything; I only knew a few details about his family, what sports he played and what he was involved in at school, etc. He was smart, friendly, and funny and everyone liked him. He always seemed happy, but I guess maybe he wasn't.

He didn't leave a note or anything at all, and no one expected this from him. Today I found out that it might've been an accident and that he was attempting a challenge (which I won't say the name of). It isn't official that he didn't mean to die, but it is thought that he passed out from the challenge and then choked to death while unconscious.

As I said, I never knew this kid personally, but we did have to work on projects and other school stuff here and there and had a few exchanges. Whether he meant to die or not, I feel like I could've said something in those many years we went to school together that could've prevented this from happening. I could've even befriended him, but I never did. In 6th grade, we had to work on this difficult paper but we were put in groups to do so. He was in my group, and he didn't want to do the paper or understood it, and neither did some other members of the group. I understood it, so I said I would do it for all of them, and I wonder if it made him feel stupid. I don't remember what happened next exactly, but I think we went over it as a class.

I don't know, I have so many questions that will never be answered. If he did it to die, I wonder what his last thought was, or if he planned it ahead of time, or if he considered talking to someone. If he died unintentionally, I wonder what he was looking forward to the next day or if he had a chance to stop doing the challenge. I wonder if he tried to untie whatever he used or if he struggled a lot. In general, I wonder what his favorite memory was, what he liked to do on the weekends, if he was excited to go back to school, stuff like that.

I cried a little after hearing what happened and thought I didn't have the right to since he's not really my loss. I never really knew him, I just saw him around. I also want to go to his funeral but then I don't. I do because we saw each other around school and I feel like it would be respect and honor towards him and his family, but then I don't want to go because as I've said, he's not really my loss. This whole situation also has me really shaken up, and I'm kind of afraid to see him dead. I don't really know why, people and other creatures have died in my life before, but I feel like this really changed things, even though he never was a big part of my life and I never was a big part of his life. I feel like everything has changed in this weird way and that I'll never get over it or be the same. Now, I'm just really shocked and sometimes deny for a moment that he's dead. I don't know what to think. No one will ever truly know if it was intentional or not, unless they find something on his computer. This is so shocking to me, and I feel so sad even though I don't think I should be.
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Re: Classmate killed himself - July 31st 2017, 07:07 PM

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that someone you knew killed themselves. Whether it was intentional or not it's always hard when someone does this to themselves and we always think "what could I have done to help?".

Never feel like your feelings aren't valid because you didn't know him personally. A girl that I knew when I was a teenager killed herself recently and I hadn't spoken to her for years but it affected me so badly and I feel like I'm a different person now.

Is there anyone that you can speak to about this? A friend or family member maybe? Dealing with such terrible feelings alone isn't something anyone should cope with.

I hope that you are doing okay.
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Re: Classmate killed himself - August 2nd 2017, 03:55 PM

Thank you for your reply. My parents know about his death, but they don't know how much it has affected me. They're not very comforting and probably wouldn't do or say much. I don't really have any friends, but I do have acquaintances who went to school with me and the kid that died. However, they're all upset about it already, and some have exciting plans next week, and I don't want to upset them further.

I went to a prayer service for him, and it was very sad. I plan on going to his funeral.
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Re: Classmate killed himself - August 14th 2017, 09:37 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear someone you knew has died in this way. I think that whether you knew this person well or not, it's natural to be affected by something like this. There are obviously a lot of thoughts going through your mind at the moment and that's ok as well. You don't have to be really close to people to feel their loss - just look at when celebrities die. He has had an affect on your life, no matter how small, and I'm sure he and his family would be touched to know that even though you weren't close, you're thinking about all those little things, like what he liked to do and whether he was struggling with something.

Perhaps you can find a way to remember him in a way which you feel is more suitable than attending the funeral. For instance, you could write him a letter or find out if there is a book of remembrance you could sign for him. This way you have the opportunity to pay your respects, but you don't have to feel like you're intruding or anything.

Either way, try to take care of yourself. Being upset is a natural response, especially when you hear of someone passing away so young and so unexpectedly. Let yourself be upset and don't beat yourself up over feeling the way you do, it is your loss in the sense that you feel it and it's real. You don't need to feel bad for that.

If you ever need a chat, I'm happy to listen, so don't hold it all in. PM me any time.

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Re: Classmate killed himself - August 21st 2017, 04:31 AM

I am so sorry to hear of your lose.

I can't imagine what you may be going through.

If you ever need anything, feel free to message me.

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