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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Post What it feels like. - June 28th 2018, 06:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

What happens to you when you lose someone you love? You get a deep gash right across the face. You lose so much blood. You find that you've lost so much blood that you can't think straight anymore. And that scares you - you fear that the wound will never heal, that you'll never be the same ever again. It hurts so much… All you can think about is the pain. The agony you feel inside is so strong you feel like it might consume you. All you want is to make it stop - to make it go away somehow. Nothing else matters to you.

As time passes, you find the pain has softened. You still feel sore, but it no longer throbs. The wound has… healed a little. You slowly get off the bed for the first time in what feels like forever and try to go about your day like nothing's happened. You make your way to the bathroom to wash up and look in the mirror… And you find a long, deep, nasty scar right across your face staring back at you. Suddenly, the pain is back. Suddenly, it feels like you're being gashed across the face all over again. The memory is so clear in your mind, you find yourself getting overwhelmed. It is then that you realize the scar is a constant reminder that you'll never be the same ever again. You'll always be… Damaged. Broken. Wounded. Suddenly, you're back to where it all started - unimaginable pain. Over the next couple of months, or years, you attempt to cover up the scar with makeup, to hide the permanent reminder of the trauma you went through. You find yourself struggling to ignore the memories that come flooding back, to push them away, because you don't want to deal with it all over again. You find yourself failing miserably at hiding your pain from yourself, because it doesn't matter what you do - the scar will always remain, staring back at you every time you look in the mirror.

As you grow older, you find that you've gotten accustomed to your new look. You've learnt to accept what's happened. You've come to terms with all that has happened, what it has done to you and where it has left you in life. The scar still reminds you of the pain, but you've learned to deal with it - it has become a part of your life. The scar is no longer revolting or disgusting. Instead, you find yourself oddly attached to your scar. It has become the only link you have left with all that was and used to be. It is now a constant reminder, not of all that you've lost, but of all that you had. It has become a symbol - a symbol of cherished memories, of love, of all that is dear to you. You now wear your scar proudly, for it is a battle scar. You have hurt, yes, but you have endured, and that is what matters. The scar no longer makes you hideous - it makes you beautiful, because it reminds you of all that you had, all that you were, all that you are. It reminds you of what it means to be human. The scar is no longer an external reminder but rather internal - it has become a part of you, a part of your identity. It is finally a part of who you are, and that's okay. You finally know that you're going to be okay.

The pain of losing someone never really goes away. Every day, as you wake up, it will be the first thing that you think about. Until, one day… It will be the second thing.

I'm sorry if this has been too long, but I wrote this to express my journey with grief and loss. I just wanted to get this out there for those of you who have lost people very dear to you. If you're comfortable talking about it, I'd like to know what your journey with grief has been like and how similar/different it is to mine. I find that the most important way to keep that part of us that we have lost still alive within us is to talk about them and our memories and experiences, even the painful parts.

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Love. - xx
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Re: What it feels like. - June 28th 2018, 06:35 PM

Hello, thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. I am so sorry for you're loss and I hope that you will be okay soon. When this has happened it is hard to figure out what to do or how to make yourself be okay now. And you we're talking about memories and doing things to help you to be okay with remembering the person who passed away. That is a great way to help yourself and to still remember the person who passed away. Because sometimes it is hard to get up and to keep going, and when you are finding different ways to help you to get through the pain and soon you will be okay it's just going to take some time to overcome what you're going through and that is totally okay. Everyone grieves differently and will always want to remember them in different ways. And we all just have to get thought this when it happens to us. You can also make scrapbook with you're family and you're friends and put all kinds of pictures and poems and all kinds of things in it to also help you with this. Also spending time with you're family and friends can also help you too. I hope you will be okay soon.

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Re: What it feels like. - June 30th 2018, 01:10 PM

Thank you for taking the time to share your journey of grief and loss with us.

I guess my journey is similar in that, at first, it was extremely painful to lose a loved one. But with time, I can now think of all the good memories I have, even if sometimes it can still be upsetting to realise that a loved one is no longer here.

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Re: What it feels like. - July 15th 2018, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by Loveyalots. View Post
The pain of losing someone never really goes away. Every day, as you wake up, it will be the first thing that you think about. Until, one day… It will be the second thing.
I could relate to a lot of what you wrote, but this idea in particular really hit home for me. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. If I can find a way to properly formulate my thoughts at some point I'll come back here and write another response, but for now I just wanted to say how brave it is for you to share this, and that I'm glad you've found a way to heal and make peace with your grief.

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