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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Been a year. - July 25th 2018, 10:23 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't believe its already been a year since my uncle passed away. I've been going through a really tough time at the moment, letting people take me for granted and he wouldn't be happy about that, so I've started putting my foot down. I hope he can be proud of me now.

He was my world, he died when he fell down the stairs. I'm not sure if I posted on here when he first died. People say it gets easier with time, its just getting worse for me.
   
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Re: Been a year. - July 25th 2018, 12:01 PM

Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this. I hope you will be okay soon. When you have lost someone it will take time to be okay. And I'm sorry that other people are giving you a hard time. You take as long as you need to be okay. And if you need to talk to other people about this or ask them to stop doing something or acting a certain way, that is totally fine. Can you try going for a walk or putting on music or funny TV shows or movies to help you to be okay. It will take time to be okay, but you are the one who can know how long you need to feel better about this. Are you able to talk with you're family about this and let them know that you are still having a hard time and you need some help with this. Or can you try taking with you're friends or talking with a counselor or therapist and see if they can help you. If you want to be around other people and do something to get you're mind off of this to help you. I hope that you will be okay soon.


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Last edited by Golfing girl; July 25th 2018 at 12:07 PM. Reason: ....
   
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Re: Been a year. - July 25th 2018, 12:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfing girl View Post
Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this. I hope you will be okay soon. When you have lost someone it will take time to be okay. And I'm sorry that other people are giving you a hard time. You take as long as you need to be okay. And if you need to talk to other people about this or ask them to stop doing something or acting a certain way, that is totally fine. Can you try going for a walk or putting on music or funny TV shows or movies to help you to be okay. It will take time to be okay, but you are the one who can know how long you need to feel better about this. Are you able to talk with you're family about this and let them know that you are still having a hard time and you need some help with this. Or can you try taking with you're friends or talking with a counselor or therapist and see if they can help you. If you want to be around other people and do something to get you're mind off of this to help you. I hope that you will be okay soon.
I try to spend as much time with friends as I can, there is a gaming cafť where I live, we go there to hang out and get food and have coffee. But when I get home it just hits me again. My daughter starts school in September as well so I am going to be on my own most of the time then. People say I seem to be coping really well with his death but the truth is I'm not, I still cry almost every day. And every now again I can smell cigarettes and alcohol which makes me think he is still by my side and hasn't gone away at all.
   
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Re: Been a year. - July 25th 2018, 01:05 PM

Hello, it is good that you are spending time with you're friends. When you are having a hard time, try writing a letter and put everything in it and when you're done you can rip it into a whole bunch of pieces and throw it in the garbage. This can help you get out what you are feeling. Then put on a funny movie or TV show to help pick you up or going for a walk or anything else.

You said that you are going to drop off you're daughter at school in September and you will be by yourself for a while. After you drop her off at school would you be able to go do something for a while until she is done.

Maybe you could go to the library, or see if someone has a book club or you can join the gym and take a few classes so that you're around other people and you're doing something while you're daughter is at school and you're not by yourself. Also you can try calling a friend or family member and see if they would like to do something with you or join you at the library or gym or whatever else you're doing.

Also you said that when you smell Cigarettes & Alcohol you think of him being right next to you. When you get that smell can you think of the good times that you had with him and remember doing different fun thing that you did together. If you get upset it's okay, you are remember all of the good times that you had with him. It is good to keep them with you. I hope you will be okay soon.


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Re: Been a year. - July 25th 2018, 03:50 PM

Sorry to hear about your uncle.

Sometimes the grief we feel can last and affect us in ways we might not think- such as perhaps becoming passive which allows others to take advantage of us. It's good that you're putting your foot down and I'm sure your uncle would be very proud!

Some people find that it may get easier with time, but it may be a while before that happens. Other people find that their feelings don't seem to change and that's okay too. But when grief interferes with your life then maybe it might help to get some grief counselling to help you get back on track


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Re: Been a year. - July 25th 2018, 07:21 PM

I used to do loads of different things with my uncle we went on holiday together quite a lot when I was younger to different theme parks and I have loads of photos from them times. I'm gutted that my daughter didn't get to spend as much time with him as I did. He always said I was his favourite niece and that he would do anything for me. I wasn't as close to any family member as I was to him. I have one photo of him and my daughter together when she was a baby, I'm thinking of getting it framed and hung up on the wall. My Aunty said he thought the world of the both of us I miss him so much but I know he would want me to get on with my life for me and my daughter's sake. I watch tv shows and films that we used to sit and watch together. One of the main ones was Doctor Who. It also would have been his birthday today so I'm struggling a bit with that
   
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Re: Been a year. - July 31st 2018, 01:41 AM

Hey,

I think one of the most confusing and frustrating things about grief is that while it does get better with time, it's not always consistent. It's not a smooth, steady journey, where each day is a little easier than the last. Some days will be worse than others, sometimes the pain will hit full-force again out of nowhere. But that doesn't mean it will be this way forever, or that you aren't still making progress. Whatever you're feeling is what you're meant to be feeling, and it's okay to acknowledge those emotions and to do whatever you need to work through them. Sometimes that could be as simple as crying, other times it might be talking to someone, or even seeking professional help if that's something you'd find beneficial.

Also, remember to be extra kind to yourself during more difficult times such as anniversaries. Maybe you could even plan ahead, set aside a certain amount of time to reflect or distract or whatever else you need to do. For example I usually try to take time to myself on the anniversary of someone's death, where I'll give myself permission to prioritise doing whatever makes me feel better; sometimes this includes just being by myself and not interacting with people, other times it might be buying myself something that I wouldn't normally get, or listening to my saddest playlist and just letting myself cry. It's all about paying attention to what your body and mind are telling you.

Hopefully this helped a bit, and I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for reaching out to us, and I hope you do feel a bit better soon.


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Re: Been a year. - August 1st 2018, 04:17 AM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle and what you are going through.

I can't begin to understand what you are dealing with at the moment.

If you need anything, my inbox is always open.


   
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Re: Been a year. - August 2nd 2018, 10:05 AM

That's really big problem i think.
   
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