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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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TwistofFate_07 Offline
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I miss him - September 8th 2018, 03:46 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My grandfather died six years ago in my house. I was only 13 at the time. I didn't show much emotion that day
I don't know. What makes matters worse is that i was the one that found him dead. I had came home from school and seen that the bathroom light was on, so i thought that he just went in there. I went upstairs and did my homework. Then i came downstairs and watched tv. It's been an hour and a half since i've been home and he's been silent that whole time. I went to the door and knocked and said "grandpa...grandpa!" Still no answer. I then opened the door and said it again "grandpa grandpa!" At this point i thought he was just sleeping. I then went into the kitchen and grabbed two pot lids went back to the bathroom and said "grandpa!" then smashed the lids together. Still no answer. Then i had put my hand on his chest and realized the he wasn't breathing. I put my hand over my mouth went into the living room and started pacing back and forth. I was scared and debated if i should call 911. I then grabbed the house phone and called them. They sent the police and ambulance to my house. Two or three of them went in and checked him. The rest of the ambulance people took me into the living room asked me what happened. As i was telling them, one of the ambulance people that checked came in looked me in my eyes and said "Im sorry to tell you that your grandfather passed away." I replied and said "What?!" The police then asked me if there was anyone i could call because i was home alone. I called my aunt and my mom. Then my whole family on my mom's side came to the house.

I just miss him so much. He and my grandmother raised me since birth. He felt like my dad. I have flashbacks about this all the time. I dreamed about him twice. I don't know how to cope with this. I just got so much in my body that i can't deal with positively. My heart aches all the time.
   
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Re: I miss him - September 9th 2018, 08:03 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa.

You were young at the time, and by the sounds of it, in shock when you found your grandpa, so it makes sense that you wouldn't have shown much emotion that day. You were very brave in getting help though. I can't imagine how shaken up you must've been.

Even though your grandpa passed away 6 years ago, it's understandable that you would still miss him so much. He was a big part of your life, raising you along with your grandmother. The flashbacks sound difficult to deal with though. Have you spoken to anyone about them? You might want to look into counselling as it can help to deal with grief a bit.

Take care


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Re: I miss him - September 9th 2018, 08:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celyn View Post
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa.

You were young at the time, and by the sounds of it, in shock when you found your grandpa, so it makes sense that you wouldn't have shown much emotion that day. You were very brave in getting help though. I can't imagine how shaken up you must've been.

Even though your grandpa passed away 6 years ago, it's understandable that you would still miss him so much. He was a big part of your life, raising you along with your grandmother. The flashbacks sound difficult to deal with though. Have you spoken to anyone about them? You might want to look into counselling as it can help to deal with grief a bit.

Take care
Thanks for the compliment Holly! I've been in counselling for 5 years. I just never spoke to any of my therapists about it. I just don't like talking about it. I guess cause it's a hard topic. I tend to act like nothing happened and that Im okay even though Im not.
   
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Re: I miss him - September 10th 2018, 10:03 PM

It makes sense that you don't like talking about it, and tend to act okay even if you aren't. But if it's bothering you then you might find it beneficial to talk about it. You can always give your counsellor a note and explain that it's bothering you a bit but that you don't like talking about it. Your counsellor should take things at your pace. At the same time, it's also okay if you don't want to talk about what happened and just want to focus on ways to manage your feelings e.g. grounding techniques for flashbacks.


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Re: I miss him - September 11th 2018, 06:38 PM

Adding onto what Holly said, something you can do besides giving your counselor a note is try taking it really slowly. You could start by saying "Someone I loved passed away" and stop there until you feel comfortable to release more information. This way, you can slowly release it so you're getting it out but not overwhelming yourself by talking about it all at once.


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Re: I miss him - September 12th 2018, 04:27 PM

Hello Ashley,

I am so sorry about you're loss. When we have lost someone it is hard because we do not always know what to do or how to keep going. Would you be able to talk to anyone else in you're family and let them know that you are having a hard time with this and talk about him and the different memories you have.

When talking about someone who is not with us can be hard because you start to remember all kinds of things that you and other people did together and it will make you laugh and also cry. And this is totally fine to do because when we are thinking about someone who we miss it can help us heal because we are bringing our emotions to the surface and we're letting them out. Then after a while you can start to be okay. It will take some time please do not be hard on yourself.

You can take as long as you want to miss somebody or to grieve for them. They don't have a rule saying after so many days or weeks or months or years you have to stop missing them. You can take as much time as you need for this, and see if you're family and friends can also help you with this so that you're not alone doing that.

Also after you are talking about this with you're family or friends or like said up above therapist or a counselor you. want to try doing something fun to help pick you up for a while. For example if you enjoy going for walks or riding bikes or putting on any kind of music or playing a game or reading or calling a friend or anything else that you like to do and do that for a while to help you feel better.

When you are talking about this to a counselor or therapist, they can help you and give you different ways so you feel better. And are not upset all the time and you can start to feel better soon.
Also if you want to make a scrapbook or a memory book of different things that you all did together and put them in this book, you can try that if you want to. And you can have you're family and friends or whoever you want help you out with this. Also writing in a journal can also help you feel better too. Because you're getting all kinds emotions out and putting it down on paper so that you can feel better too.
I hope that you will be okay soon. Hugs


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