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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
FrozenRobot7 Offline
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Name: Danielle
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Dealing with the loss - May 4th 2019, 03:16 AM

So a little over a month ago my cousin of 33 years old died, and I donít really know how to process it. He had a very rare seizure disorder that was degenerative, so it wasnít something tragic or full of pain. My mom told me when he was at the hospital and they took out the ventilator he was just smiling and laughing as always, and even though it was still a hard pill to swallow, knowing that made it just a little easier. But, I still have a couple problems that I am dealing with and donít exactly know how to cope with.

First off, at the funeral I really held my emotions back because I have a hard problem showing my emotions in front of people, especially in a place where a lot of my family knew him better. So, I never feel I fully let out my emotions and now they are almost trapped inside me, but canít find a way out. Also, another big problem I still have and quite honestly will always have. Because the disease was degenerate, he was in a lot better condition when we was a young boy; a stage of his life I wasnít there for. Everyone at the funeral was telling these amazing stories of him when he had an easier time communicating and getting around. But, I only knew him when he was way beyond that point of my life, and I am almost jealous that I wasnít there for those more joyous moments.

Death is hard and I know it will take time and I will never fully get over it. But, I know I can get better in the way I deal with it all. How do I cope better with his death and all that came with it?


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Re: Dealing with the loss - May 4th 2019, 06:58 PM

Hello Danielle,

I am so sorry for your lost and hope that you will be alright soon. When someone passes away we may not always know what to do. Sometimes it is a good idea to find something to do to get your mind off of this for a while so that you are not just sitting around and thinking about this and this keeps getting you upset more. For example if you like to go for walks, try doing this for a little bit and if you want to take your headphones or earbuds, so that you can listen to music you can do that too. Sometimes listening to music can get your mind off of what you are going through. Or you can have music on in your room if you would like too. Or if you enjoy reading, can you try grabbing a book and reading for a while. Or drawing or painting or putting on a funny TV show or movie that will make you laugh or pick you up a little bit. Or can you call a friend and see if they would like to come over or you can go and meet them somewhere for pizza or a cup of coffee or tea or whatever you like to drink and just be with them for a while or see if your parents or if you can do something with somebody in your family for a while or anything else that you enjoy doing and try doing that for a while and see if that helps you out.

Would you be able to ask your parents or someone else in your family if they would like to make a scrapbook or get different pictures or words that this person used to use all the time and you can put them all together in the book. This could help you some because you are remembering the good times and different memories that you had all together.

Also would you be able to talk to somebody and let them know that you are having a hard time with this. It can be your parents or the school counselor or someone else at school and let them know that you need to talk about this. When someone passes away it does take time to be okay and take as much time as you need with this. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you Hugs to help.


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Re: Dealing with the loss - May 11th 2020, 02:35 PM

Hey

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your cousin, I can only imagine how hard this must be for yourself and your family. I've lost a lot of people in my life, one being my big sister so i can relate to how you feel; although I will never say I can fully understand.

I think at the beginning of grieving, you just have to focus on getting through each minute. There's going to be a lot of emotions and some that you've never felt before or not as intensely. You may feel more tired and lethargic. It can be exhausting but focus on what your body needs, whether that's sleep, rest, water or food but each day try and do at least one thing perhaps, to give you hope and motivation such as going for a small walk, watching a film, having a shower, anything that soothes you.

Have you spoken to the people around you? Sometimes talking can be really hard but it can also really help us to not bottle our emotions or thoughts up. Whether its a family member you talk to, a friend, a professional or even a helpline. Don't keep it all inside.

I know for us, scattering my sisters ashes as out fave places, has helped us. We now have places we can go and sit with her and talk to and we find re-leaf and hope in that. We also release balloons with notes on her anniversaries. I have a scrapbook i use for memories and a map where i circle everywhere we've been with another scrapbook to write about our adventure. I have two memory boxes. We all find comfort in different ways, but maybe trying some of these would be helpful.

Most importantly, allow yourself to feel what ever it is you're feeling - validate those emotions. It is okay to feel sad, low, angry, scared etc so don't block the emotions. As important as it is to distract ourselves through moments, distract yourself when its intense to help you get through that moment. When the intensity has decreased, it's also important to be mindful of the emotions youre' feeling and to sit with them and allow them to be there. I know they're scary emotions, but they are valid and they can not hurt you. We feel what we feel for a reason.

I really do hope that things get easier for you. You deserve the absolute best and I hope that your family are also well and safe. Never be alone.

Have faith in yourself,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Dealing with the loss - May 30th 2020, 11:24 AM

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, especially when your cousin was so young. I can't even being to understand how you must be feeling. If you ever need to talk, I'm only a message away.


   
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