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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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smileitslisa Offline
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I don't even know how to feel anymore.... - January 15th 2009, 08:20 PM

My (great) uncle passed away last week (January 6th). He was only 69 but he suffered for years with alzheimers. He went into the hospital for a surgery because he was having problems w his bladder on Christmas. He was recovering but I guess a combination of things caused his passing. He accidentally pulled his stitches out and got an infection he was too weak to fight and his kidneys ended up failing. I guess his death was expected but unexpected. We didn't think it was going to happen now because before he went into the hospital he didn't seem as bad as he could have been, he wasn't bed ridden or anything and he would still remember things. So I guess his death was kind of a shock. I've never had someone close in my family pass away.

At first I just kind of accepted it. I was like ok....because I knew it was coming, they had told us he wasn't going to make it through the night. I didn't feel really sad about it because I didn't see him as often at the end. I was alright until the wake/funeral. After that I kept telling myself it's ok, he's in a better place, he's not suffering. I was sad and it was hard but I thought I would be ok. Now I don't know what to feel anymore. I literally think about him 24/7, from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep and it makes me wonder if this is normal? And if it will go away? A lot of times when I'm thinking about him, I don't feel like he's gone but then I look at the refrigerator w his obituary on it, it reminds me that he really is and it makes me sad. I'm sad that he's not with us and I'm sad that my godmother (his daughter) and my aunt are so sad. But then I'm happy that he's no longer suffering. I don't know what to feel, my emotions are all messed up. I still do my daily things and go on with life.....but he's never not in my head. I don't cry though, sometimes I feel like I'm going to, but I don't.

Is what I'm going through normal? Will it get better? Will I stop thinking about him? Am I grieving? cause I always thought grieving involved a lot of crying...?
   
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Re: I don't even know how to feel anymore.... - January 17th 2009, 04:47 PM

I just wanted to let you know that I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Loss, even when it's "expected," is something we cannot be prepared for. It hurts no matter when it comes. Even when we are told that a loved one will pass, nothing in this world can prepare us for the heartbreak of actually losing them.

Grief looks very different, for everyone. You don't have to cry. It's okay to feel a lot of very different emotions, you don't have to feel a certain way, right now. In time things will begin to feel more calm, settled, and it will feel easier. It may take a while, it may never feel easy, but a time will come with it doesn't seem so hard.

Let me know if you ever need to talk.



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Re: I don't even know how to feel anymore.... - January 19th 2009, 02:18 AM

hey. i'm sorry you're going through such a situation...

however, i'm sure that as with all other people who care and truly love you, they will NEVER truly leave. The people will always be smiling from high up above, blessing your every move. besides that , it is also important that you give some emotional support to the godmother and the aunt.. for they now probably need it the most.you should try convincing them that their uncle is always still around.. a part of him is in their hearts.. forever.

you're also a caring person and hence, i'm very sure that your uncle will be blessing your every move. And it WILL get better, because after a while.. you too will realize that he's always around .. blessing people in the family.

you know, you can always talk to me in case you need a friend or ESPECIALLY when you're down or you need someone to talk to.


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Re: I don't even know how to feel anymore.... - January 19th 2009, 09:05 PM

thank you! there's no need for me to convince my family or myself, we know that my uncle is around us all the time. it makes it easier for me to deal with this, im sure it helps my godmother and aunt too. sometimes i wonder how much it really helps....since they are grieving for him in a completely different way.

i told my godmother about a dream i had about my uncle the night he passed away. my entire family was sitting in my grandmas house as if we were having a get together for a holiday or something. I remember walking into the living room, seeing my grandma in the kitchen cooking and sitting down across from my aunt on the couch and sitting next to my uncle, who was sitting in the corner of the room. in life, when i was little, he loved gameboys and was always playing tetris. whenever i went to visit him, my brother and i would play with his gameboys because he was one of the first people we ever saw with one. in my dream, he was sitting in front of a table playing with my ipod that i just got for christmas. he seemed really happy and i felt like he was having a good time. i looked at my aunt and was like.....he's sitting right there....and she just looked at me and smiled and said, i know he's there, i see him.

i really believe that my uncle paid me a visit that night, maybe because i wasn't as upset as the rest of my family.....i guess his loss just hadn't set in with me yet. i felt like he was letting me know, that he's ok and happy and that he's still with all of us.

thanks for responding to my post. sometimes i get into a kind of depressing mood about it.
   
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Re: I don't even know how to feel anymore.... - January 20th 2009, 04:36 AM

dont mention it.. you know we're all always up to support you


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
   
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