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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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punkxrainbow Offline
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Name: Lilah
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I want to help him but I don't know how - July 2nd 2009, 02:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm really worried about my really close guy friend who I love and care about more than a lot of things. In November of last year his close friend(and intense crush) died. She'd been sick for a while and he was really happy she was getting better, but then all of a sudden she died.

He didn't even tell until a few monthes later. I don't know why he'd hidden it from me. I talked to him multiple times every day. He got like really depressed and I stayed on the phone with him for a couple hours. I still have to have late night talks with him trying to convince him that he really does have some purpose and that so many people care about him and need him and that he should care about himself more. And honestly it scares me so badly like I'm only fourteen and I worry about him like a mother worries about a child. I'm not sure what to do with him becuase he has his up days and down days where he just kind of goes off and sometimes I don't want to put up with it becuase he's a naturally dramatic person, but I can't tell how bad it gets sometimes.

He also kind of puts his love for her into relationships he's had during this year. Like this girl J(who was a terrible gf) he wasn't happy being with her after a while and pretty much cheated on her for me. He justified staying with her as I have to love J like I loved E(the girl who passed away) because that's what E would've wanted. I really don't understand how that works out in his head like taking his love for E into other people.

I really do not know what to do with him. He just keeps swinging in and out of happy moods. I really worry about him constantly. I just want to help him get past this and move past this.

Please help me.


our hearts are blind to beauty
our eyes could never see.
-
love of mine someday you will die but i'll be close behind
i'll follow you into the dark
no blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight<3
   
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Re: I want to help him but I don't know how - July 2nd 2009, 02:58 AM

EyEy chicky, we've talked in person about our little guy's problem so nothing new there. But yeah as for the grieving thing its actually really normal to have mood swings like that. It would be really unusual if he were unhappy all the time or cheerful all the time after someone's death. It works like this: after someone close dies he will still enjoy the same things he did before, and will still be able to laugh and have a good time. There will also be times when he is upset of course. Grief comes in waves.
   
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Re: I want to help him but I don't know how - July 2nd 2009, 11:37 AM

Hey there, Lilah.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's loss, but I find it very admirable that you want to help him so much. It takes a truly good person, with a heart of gold, to be so patient and understanding. I know how hard it can be to help someone who is grieving, but your willingness and desire to help is, in the end, way more than anyone would ask for.

I've found, honestly, that one of the most healing things we can do is to talk about our feelings. I mean, that's just my personal experience, but I think that when we share what we thing and feel, when we let it out of us, a big weight is often lifted off of our shoulders. Because of that, I really do think one of the best things you can do is ofter to listen to your friend when he needs or wants to talk. Sometimes you don't even have to respond, you know? Just listen.

I'm going to do something I don't do often, and tell you that something is "normal." Because in this case, it really is normal for someone experiencing grief to swing in and out of various moods. Some days things feel normal and we go about our lives. Sometimes, though, our losses hit is "like a ton of bricks" and we have bad days. Just be there for your friends through those bad days. I'm sure he will appreciate it more than he can ever say to you.

Remember, also, to take care of YOU. It's hard to help others if we aren't looking after ourselves. =) Please don't hesitate to PM me if there's anything you need.



Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
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