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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Hdjdjdjduvieg Offline
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Dead, but not gone? - July 3rd 2009, 01:20 AM

________So... My dog of 16 years died very recently. I loved that dog unconditionally. No one could ever mean as much to me as she did. She was there for me to put her head in my lap when I was sad, we would play when I was happy, she'd comfort me in my anger, sorrow, miseries, etc... yet we could have the best of times together. She was my best friend. An eye that never judged, and only quietly and loyally followed me where ever i'd go. God, I miss her so much. She was closer to me than anyone ever could possibly be. I wish so badly I could see her one last time... hug her and tell her everything's going to be okay and tell her how much I miss her...
But I digress...

_________Point of this thread... the other night I awoke in the wee hours of the morn and I heard her panting. I heard it right in my room steady breaths and it sounded just like hers. I heard the scratch on my rug of her nails... and I awoke and stared blankly at the ceiling, in a state of half slumber. I remember rationalising what it was in my head, but I can't remember what that was. All I rememeber was thinking its her... its my dog. Has this ever happened to anyone else? It happened twice... I sort of have this crazy thought that its her spirit, or something, visiting me to tell me... that its okay and making sure I'm not too sad... because I know that for her last days, the only thing that kept her attached to this world was my attachment to her. And I told her that its all right to let go... and she did. But the problem still stands that I can't. I can't let go. So is she here with me, still?


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Re: Dead, but not gone? - July 10th 2009, 08:47 PM

Hey there,

Before anything, I do want to apologize for taking so long to reply to this thread. With the site downtime, it seems to have gotten a bit lost. If that ever happens again, please feel free to send me a PM or VM and let me know--I'd like to make sure this isn't something that happens in the future, you know? That said...

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. =( Losing a pet can be so difficult to cope with; our animals are more than "just pets". They are members of our family, we really do love them, and after sixteen years it is hard to imagine them not being there when we wake up or come home from a day out.

I had a cat, since infancy, named Ashley. For sixteen or seventeen years she slept by my bed when I was sick, curled up on the couch while I watched a movie, and did other things with me that just seem so normal, but were actually a really special part of my life. I can understand how hard it is to lose an animal you have had for so long. Nothing can really replace that, can it? Although you can have a new pet, and love them just as much, they still will not be the same.

My cat used to sleep with me, while I was sick. Right by my pillow, she would, in a sense, watch over me. A year or so after she was put down, I woke up during a bought of illness and I would have sworn, on my life, that she was walking up my bed, that she laid next to my pillow and purred. It was scary but, in a strange way, comforting. In the same way, I still (years later) mistake a crumpled blanket on the couch for her, in the dark. I'll hear a quiet click from the hardwood floors and wonder if it isn't her. I guess, in some ways, it is an utterly normal thing to go through. It is hard to get used to the fact that this animal you loved so dearly really IS gone.

I think that, when we lose someone (be it a person or an animal) they, if we let them, live on in our hearts. I sometimes wonder if death isn't parting from our world, but parting from the hearts and memories of loved ones. Maybe it sounds crazy, but I really do think a piece of her will always be with you. After all, you will never stop loving her.

Please take good care of yourself and let me know if you ever need anything. And, as I said before, any time a thread you've made isn't getting replies, please let me know. I hate to see that kind of thing happen.



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Re: Dead, but not gone? - July 11th 2009, 12:04 AM

Hey Scout (:

I also would like to apologize for making you wait so long for responses. I actually read your thread the day it was posted and couldn't find the words to say at first. So, I gave myself a bit of time to gather my thoughts and I hope you can make sense of them . I just want to add a few off topic comments before I address your problem. I miss seeing you in chat because I remember having some fun times with you there. You really are such a sweet genuine person and I just want to say sorry a thousand times if our late replies have made you feel uncared about. Honestly, it didn't take me so long to post because I don't care. It was more because I do care about making a big effort to help and I was afraid if I had posted immediately after reading your story I wouldn't be able to find the right words to say. Additionally, the site being so off and on this week has forced a bigger delay on getting around to posting my response. I hope you can understand and I hope hope hope that you haven't felt rotten that it has taken so long. I enjoy talking to you so much and I would be happy to hear from you any time even if you are struggling with a problem. You can PM me, leave me a VM, or even add me to msn (my sn is: mckchicken@hotmail.com). I don't want you to ever have to feel alone with your troubles<33 Anyways, enough of my rambling let me finally comment on your thread (:

I am not about to say I know exactly what you are going through right now because I realize that isn't true. However, all my life I have loved every pet I've owned with a big chunk of my heart. Pets are each so special in their own unique way and it sounds to me like your dog was one of the extra extra special types of animals who possessed the ability to take your worries away. It is so tough to lose a companion like that because it can really feel like you have lost a best friend. Through an unspoken communication I feel like a few of my pets were able to get to know me better than so many humans in my life. I love the fact that my cats are so easy to please and are so trusting. I never feel like people love me unconditionally because of my insecurities but I never have to feel insecure around a loving pet. So, I can finally feel like someone loves me without limits. Basically, what I am trying to say is after a bond like that is formed a pet becomes more than just another animal and they turn into a very special friend. I wish you didn't have to experience such a heartbreaking loss. However, your dog did live a long life and with all the love I can see you have for him by reading your words I am sure you made his life an incredibly happy one. When you are grieving your mind can play tricks on you. You so much want what you have lost back and it can even be a form of coping to imagine that they are still there. Honestly, I don't think you are crazy at all and I really can't be the judge of whether you saw a spirit or not. In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else believes on this subject it is more important to figure out what you believe. If you think you witnessed the spirit of your dog then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you just want to brush off what you saw as a weird event that occurred that is fine too. It is about how you feel about what happened. I have heard so many stories of people going through somewhat similar things after they had someone in their life die. What you experienced is not as uncommon as you might think. If it helps you, you might want to consider doing some research into the topic so you can form your opinion based on more evidence. Either way, it is a terrible thing to lose anything in your life that is as special as your dog was to you. I hope you don't feel alone in your struggles and if you do I hope you will have enough faith in me to reach out and contact me. You shouldn't have to feel alone and I want to be here for you if you will give me the chance. You are strong enough to make it through this. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love <3<3 Mimi



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Last edited by soul; July 11th 2009 at 12:09 AM.
   
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Re: Dead, but not gone? - July 12th 2009, 02:15 AM

Hi, I have had pets that have come and gone in my life and in a sense I know what your going through. I'm not going to say I exactly do, because everyone grieves differently, but anywho I'm really sorry about your loss. We recently had a dog of ours put down she was only 7 years old. Just a young dog. She had something going on with her nurologically. Like she was almost parylized. We didn't have the money to send her to an animal hospital in another town to see exactly what was going on so the best thing to do was to put her down. A few nights ago I actually had a dream and she was in it and she was alive and well. I've had those dreams about other pets we had. We had to dogs that were puppies when I was a baby. So we sorta grew up together. One of the dogs Cassie was her name was really special to me because she always slept at the foot of my bed or under my bed. She was so sweet. It sucks when I have dreams about them because I wish for anything for them to be real. I hate it when people just say there animals. There much more than that. I will always remember each pet I had because they were each special and had funny or goofy, or sweet personalities.



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