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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Swiftx Offline
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I miss him.. - July 5th 2009, 07:13 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My dad died a year and a half ago. I miss him every single day, I was 17 just about to turn 18 when he died. He committed suicide. They never told me exactly how he did it, so Its not to clear for me. [He didnt live with me, my mom and him were divorced since I was 3].

My dad had been depressed for a little while now, and he was taking medication for it. I was never that close with my father until about age 13, when I started staying with him on summers, and being on the phone with him all the time. I loved my dad so much, no one understood how close I was to him. I told my dad pretty much everything, Me & My mom never really got along, she has always treated my younger brother better, and acted like I was worthless and my Dad saw that, so he did pretty much everything with me, and helped me when I needed it, I went to him with most of my problems.

About 2 months before he died we stopped talking because at the time I was in school, and I missed a lot of time because I had it rough in school, urgh, I hated school! So my mom wouldn't let me talk to my dad unless I got good grades, went to school,blah blah blah, same with my grandparents (because he lived with them). Plus, I had started my First job, so I had a lot on my plate, and then I find out, hours after it happened that he committed suicide, and I thought it was a joke at first, I couldnt believe it, I wasnt going to believe it, it was soo hard, because I didnt get to tell him how much I really loved him, and I didnt get to see him before he passed away.

At the viewing, I couldnt believe it, I still thought this is a joke, and it toke me forever to actually accept it, and I do now. So today I told my mom "I miss my dad" and she says "Just get over it already! He's gone you can't bring him back face it" That killed me because she doesnt understand how much it hurts me, I mean he was someone I loved and I turned to for everything, I mean everything! I loved him sooo much! I hate life, sometimes it really sucks, I mean I am so depressed and I just want to be with my dad..

Thanks for listening (:
   
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Re: I miss him.. - July 5th 2009, 01:23 PM

Jack -

I've never been the one with the knowledge of the right words in this forum, but I wanted to let you know that I read every word of this thread, and I think what you've been through is important - I think the relationship that you and your dad shared was important - I think your love for him is important and apparent, and I just basically think that your story matters. Thank you for sharing it with us.

With that said, I'm so..so sorry for your loss. I cannot even bear to imagine the loss you must be feeling. You're incredibly strong to have been through that pain and to keep pushing forward in your life, keep living - what a fighter you are. [:

Have you ever considered talking to your grandparents about what happened? I think that because they lived with your dad and were also close to him, you all can help each other to deal with the tragic event that happened about a year and a half ago. I hope that you will find someone, whoever it may be, in real life who is willing to listen to you whenever you need to talk about this. Sometimes it helps just to know that there's someone out there who cares.

What your mother said to you was not fair, Jack, because this wasn't your fault in the least, so don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. You and your dad sound like you shared an amazing relationship; try not to ever let anyone take away the memories you have with him - they're yours and yours to keep, forever. [:

Peace be with you, Jack.



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Re: I miss him.. - July 7th 2009, 05:52 PM

Hey Jack,

Believe it or not, I've got some experience in this, because my dad passed away almost two years ago aswell. Although it wasn't to suicide, it was painful none the less. The most important thing I can say to you is - keep your head up. You've been doing great for this year and a half, and I don't believe words can describe how proud your dad would feel knowing you're still strong. You loved each other, and that's all that will ever matter. What your mother said to you isn't right. Like Katrina said, his death was in no way your fault, and I hope you don't carry that with you. You will, of course, eventually have to cross the path from grieveing into remembering, but everyone does that at their own pace. There will always be a song or a picture that reminds you of him, but hopefully one day that won't trigger sadness, it will trigger memories.

If you ever, ever need to talk I'm just a PM away. I've been through the exact same emotional rollercoasters as you, so hopefully you won't feel alone in the situation anymore. I know how useless the word 'sorry' is in these situations, but I really do feel for you. I hope one day you can look back on your father's memory and think, "yeah, that was MY dad."
   
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Re: I miss him.. - July 8th 2009, 09:44 AM

Hi Jack.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, and all of the pain that losing your dad has put you through. I hope that you haven't taken the words that your mother said to heart. She obviously was not as close to your father as you had been, therefore his death probably didn't have such a large impact on her as it has on you. But no one expects you to simply snap out of it and get on with your life right after your dad's death. Everyone takes different amounts of time to grieve, and there's no such thing as "taking to long to get over it." You're a strong person for making it through all of this as long as you have, and I believe that you can continue on living your life, despite your dad's loss. It may take awhile for things to feel normal again in your life, but no one is rushing you, Jack. There are so many people who can understand what you are going through, and therefore you are far from alone. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way that you do, and there are so many people who have been in and still are in your shoes.

I agree that finding someone who was also close to your dad to talk to may definitely help you. Having people to support you when you lose someone close to you is one of the things that can really help pull you through your loss. But regardless whether you find someone like this or not, I still truly believe that you will be able to get through all of this in one piece.

Hang in there





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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