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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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whosthatgirl Offline
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Its been over a month now - July 24th 2009, 07:27 AM

When everything first happend (when my sister had just passed away). I found it easy to comfort my mom and hug her. Now when she talks about my sister and begins to cry I get umcomfortable. I feel bad because I know I should try to make her feel better, but I can't. I feel really guilty for not being there for her. She asks me how I feel about all this and I say "I don't know". (thats of course my answer for just about everything lol) Anyways Honestly I miss her so much and I still can't believe shes gone. I still keep thinking to myself that shes still alive. I keep thinking about the time we spent up at the hopital with my sister while she was already dead, but not legally pronounced dead yet. I keep picturing everyone in the room when the doctor finally announced her time of death (all though I knew it was days earlier that she really had died) Its like a picture of each, well not each, person in that room; my neices, nefew, mom, grandma, and other family members keep flashing in my mind. I keep my feelings to myself most of the time. I'm not always completly sure why. I guess sometimes I'm just embarrased. I don't hug my mom as much as I used to either and I know she needs that everyonce in a while. I'm just not the hugging type I guess.



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Re: Its been over a month now - July 24th 2009, 03:32 PM

It is always hard to lose someone. Especially someone from your immediate family.. I'm really sorry about the loss of your sister. It is definitely hard to lose a sibling. Just remember that she is still alive in your heart, and she is always watching down on you. Cherish the memories you have, and never let them go. PM me if you need anything



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Re: Its been over a month now - July 24th 2009, 10:25 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry for your loss. I've had those awkward moments where your parent starts crying and you don't know what to do - my dad, when my mum passed away. I think it's just so unusual for us; these people who have always protected us and been strong for us, seem just as vulnerable as we feel. I say just give her a hug and let her know you're there; they don't expect us to have the answers, but just to listen.

Don't feel bad that you're sadness for your sister doesn't 'show' either. People grieve in different ways, and it's shocking when everyone around you is all in tears and upset, so it stays inside you. You don't have to show you're sad to anyone, but you do need to let them know if you're feeling bad and need help.

I hope this helps. It doesn't get easier, at least not quickly. Take your time to grieve. Your sister doesn't leave either, you have the memories of her. But I can't lie; it is really hard, but you'll get through it some how. Let your family or someone here know if you're struggling to cope though - don't go through it alone.

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Re: Its been over a month now - July 26th 2009, 06:27 PM

Hey there,

I know you've probably heard this countless times, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my brother, and to have lost your sister must be so hard on you. People have probably also said to you that we all grieve in different ways. And it's true. Everyone copes with loss differently, and so it's okay if the way you are dealing with things isn't the same as how your mother is, you know?

It seems, to me, like you're still processing things. Although you know your sister is gone, believing it is proving difficult for you. It makes sense, if you ask me. You can know, logically, that she's not coming back but in your heart you want a miracle. Your sister cannot be there with you, in person, but maybe that doesn't mean she's not there. Keep her with you in your heart and she is never gone. Although you cannot touch her, she will always be your sister and she will always love you. You never have to be without her memory; every memory you have of her is yours to keep forever. No one can take the past from you, not even death.

Comforting other people, while we are grieving, can take a pretty big emotional toll on us. Although it's possible to "put on a strong face" for a while, it can really wear away at us and leave us feeling pretty defeated. Although it's understandable that you want to be there for your mom, know that you do not have to be her savior. Maybe make an effort to hug her now and again, but don't beat yourself up if you're feeling unable to be an emotional support for her, you know?

Take good care of yourself and remember that TeenHelp is always here for you. That includes me; I'm just a PM away, so never hesitate to let me know if I can be here for you.



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Re: Its been over a month now - July 29th 2009, 04:27 AM

Hey, i'm sorry for your loss. You will never get over the loss of your sister, but it will get easier over time. It's only been a month, so nobody expects you to get over her, and nobody expects you to be the strong person. Your mom knows that you are going through a hard time. I'm sure she just wants to make sure she doesn't lose you too. I was in a similiar situation. My brother died three years ago, and my mom always wants to talk about him, but sometimes talking about him hurts even more. Just remember that you can grieve and be there for your mom at the same time. If you need anything, you can PM me anytime.
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