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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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youresogayy Offline
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goodbye is just a word i will never say. - July 27th 2009, 12:11 PM

alright well, i recently lost someone i was once close too. we hadn't talked for awhile. i was planning on talking to her days before the accident, i just never got around to it. we were best friends at one point in time. i still cannot believe she's really gone, it doesn't feel real at all. when i went to the visitation with my mom, i saw a girl who i swear it had to be her, she had the same walk, same curly hair. and i kept thinking.. "she's not really gone." i walked in the room, saw pictures of her, and my mom whispered.. "she's up there" she had told me before we got to the funeral home, that they could have her there, or they wouldn't. so i didn't know what to expect. i walked up the aisle, and you know how churches have those benches? well.. i was standing in front of the first row, i couldn't bring myself to get any closer. i saw pictures of her playing on the screen.. i looked over at my mom, and i said..." i can't take it, i'm gonna cry " so i told my mom we had to leave, before i broke down. the whole time on the way home my mom kept saying.. " you can't hold it in forever, sometimes it's good to let it all out. " after i got home, it became real that she was 'gone'. my friend came over later on that night, she was going to go the funeral with me, so we could pay our respects. during the funeral, i kept thinking... " why her? whhy?" she was the nicest, sweetest person i've ever known. she talked to everyone! wanted to be anyone's friend.. i've been listening to this song, everytime i listen to it, and sing it, i have this feeling she's here. i get goosebumps and a weird feeling in my tummy.
it's only been almost two months since she's been 'gone'. a friend who moved because her dad is in the military has come back for the summer, and we have plans to go visit her. my mom gave me the idea of writing a letter to her, and reading it to her. i have an idea of getting balloons and writing messages on them, so she can see them from heaven. just typing this out makes me want to cry, i don't want to 'get over it'. she gave me advice, she was a TRUE friend.so my question is, is there anyway i can bring myself to peace with what happened? anyway i can think of the times we had and not cry? but be happy because we had good times? i know one day, i'll be able to see her again.

Last edited by youresogayy; July 27th 2009 at 12:39 PM.
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eunoia Offline
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Re: goodbye is just a word i will never say. - August 2nd 2009, 10:12 AM

Hey there,

First, I want to apologize for taking so long to respond to your thread. I hope you have been okay in the meantime, and I hope this finds you well.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Losing someone, even a friend we have lost touch with, is never an easy thing to cope with. It may have left you feeling lost and regretful. A lot of times in life we say "tomorrow I'll do this..." but we never get around to it. Try not to regret that, as hard as it will be. Know that she wouldn't blame you for how things happened and that the two of you grew apart; people come and go from our lives and we cannot blame ourselves for that, you know?

Your mom is right about holding things in. I know it can feel impossible to talk about things, anything really, but talking it out really can help. There is nothing bad about crying, either. It might not feel good to cry, but it doesn't feel very good to hold it in either. Sadness and crying is okay; it is part of how you are experiencing and coping with grief.

Bad things happen, sometimes to good people. It is hard to understand why any person we care for has passed, and I'm not sure any of us find the answer. There may be no sense to be made of her loss. I'm not a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason" but I still think we can make peace with difficult things. It takes time, though, and I am glad to hear you are willing to let yourself grieve.

I think your mom's idea of writing a letter is wonderful, and I love the idea of balloons. Remembering your friend might feel painful, but I also think it is a wonderful way to honor her memory. Keep her with you. Although she is not here in person, there can always be room for her in your heart. And even though you cannot touch her, she will always be your friend.

Take care and please let me know if you need anything.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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