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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
faded rainbow Offline
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struggling to cope - July 31st 2009, 11:50 PM

my nan died on thursday i was so close to her i was round her house every day or at least on the phone to her its been hard enough her being in hospital not being able to see her when i like or be able to call her
we knew it was coming and its been so hard watching her slowly fade away over the last few weeks but its hit me harder than i could ever have imagined possible!
my nan was my life she was all i lived for i know i have my mum dad n sis and other family and i love them i do and it may sounds horrible to say that nan was all i lived for but she was through everything ive been through shes been my rock never judged me i could never put a foot wrong with my nan no matter what i did she didnt care she saw past it and i will always love her for that.
my days of were spent just sitting in her house with her wether we talked or just were together it never mattered to me because i was with my nan and now i dont have that anymore
its breaking my heart the thought that in a few weeks my aunty and dad are gona be thinking about selling the house...it was my first home the only house thats eve felt like home and theres nothing i can do to stop them selling the house....i feel like im loosing everything thats ever made my life worth living everything thats ever meant something important.
i remember when i was younger sitting on my bed and screaming i want my nan for a good 2 hours and my god if i thought for one second it would bring her back i'd do it again in a heart beat but no tears or screaming or anything will bring back my nan.
she was the one i ran to to escape mum and dad when we fell out the one who still told me i could do something even when i really coudnt
everyone keeps saying it will get easier in time but i dont see how the hell it ever will i may need to deal with the fact shes not here anymore but this pain will NEVER leave my heart!

sorry if ive rambled i jsut needed to get it all of my chest !

im just so tired of being here
suppresed by all my childish fears

these wounds wont seem to heal
this pain is just too real
theres just too much that time cannot erase

waterloo road fans http://petitions.tigweb.org/saveeddie
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Eddie! Offline
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Re: struggling to cope - August 1st 2009, 12:44 PM

I'm really sorry about your nan. It's horrible and emotionally wrecking, having to watch them fade away like that. I understand what you mean when you say that your nan was all you lived for; you obviously loved her very much, as did she to you. She seemed like a lovely, strong person and she must have passed on a lot of memories and morals to you during those times spent together.

I know the pain feels like it's never going to go away - and it never properly will - but over the months and years it'll harden up and you won't get that horrible sick feeling in your throat, your stomach won't do a somersault and your eyes won't sting whenever you think about her. Instead, you'll remember all the good times, you'll remember what she taught you and how she made you feel, and how wonderful she was, and how much she loved you. Thinking about her will make you happy.

As for the house, I'm sure your nan would have wanted another generation to keep it going for her =] I know it must feel like they're stealing everything away from you, but there's not much else that can be done, and I bet your nan would want someone in there looking after it for her and keeping it going.

I hope you feel better, time's the only thing that can properly heal your wounds right about now. Keep everything your nan told you to heart and use it in ways that she'd be proud of and encourage.

I'm sorry and good luck x
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silentmuffin Offline
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Re: struggling to cope - August 3rd 2009, 05:32 AM

I feel like I could have written this myself. I lost my grandmother a month ago. I know it probably doesn't help but I completely understand how you feel and how hard it is to get over the loss of someone so important. It doesn't feel like it will get any easier. My grandmother lived with us for the past 2 and a half years, and I would always do little stuff for her like get her breakfast and make sure she took her pills. It was basically nothing at all but I feel like it's the only thing I've ever done in my whole life that meant anything and now I feel lost without her.

I'm not really religious but I usually pray or just talk to God every night for a few minutes before bed, and I always ask that he let my grandmother know how much I love and miss her, and it does seem to help me cope, just the possibility that maybe she's up there watching over me and she knows how much she meant to me even if I never was able to express it right when she was here.

I've been looking through a lot of her stuff lately just because it's the only way I can think of to be close to her now that she's gone, and I've learned some things about her and found some old memories of things I had forgotten. I found a poem we wrote together and a note she left me and a little notebook where she used to write all kinds of random happenings from her life and although it made me sad because it just reminded me that she's gone, it's also the best way I've found to make peace and keep her alive in my heart and in my mind. The more memories I have and the more often I look at her things and her writing and just little bits of her life, the more I realize how lucky I was to have had her in my life, and how amazing and important she really was to me.

I also made a collage of some pictures of her and I have a nightcap that she used to wear when she put her hair in rollers at night, it still smells like her hairspray and it causes a flood of memories to come to me and it's really great to have it with me, even though it's silly and something so simple.

I know that what you're going through is really hard and I can't say that you can just wake up tomorrow and be over it and only think good things without being upset, but I can tell you that it's not too late to let her know how much you love her. There are a lot of little things you can do to make sure she stays with you and help you focus on the tons of good memories you have. Just because she's gone doesn't mean that all she did for you and all the love she had for you is gone. It sounds like she made a huge impact in your life, and in the end that's what life is all about and she will never be gone because a huge part of her lives on in you.

Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
eunoia Offline
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Re: struggling to cope - August 10th 2009, 06:48 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like your nan meant quite a lot to you. I can't imagine losing my grandmother, but I can imagine that this has been very, very hard on you. Although you knew you would lose her, much sooner than you were ready to, nothing can really prepare us for the loss of a loved one. We can try to prepare our hearts for the pain, but I really don't think it's possible, because nothing is as real as when it actually happens.

And, well, you don't have to be ready for these things. It is okay to feel lost and alone. It is okay for you to wonder how you will get through this. Your nan meant a lot to you and you are now faced with learning how to live without her there, and that will take time. It's okay for you to take time, too.

I know that nothing I can say will bring her back to you, and for that I am sorry. Although she is there in your heart, it is still painful and difficult to cope with the fact that she cannot be there in person, as well. I hope you are able to keep her with you, forever. I hope you are able to make peace. Good luck and take care of yourself. Please don't hesitate to PM me for anything at all.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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