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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xaliciatx Offline
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Question My Handling Of Death - August 9th 2009, 09:53 PM


I've never properly experience death before last year and I count myself REALLY lucky for it. I never met my nan, (My mums mum) because she died before I was born, before my parents were even married. She died of multiple sclerosis and whenever I hear about that disease I get all depressed and everything. Because the weirdest thing is, I think that me and my nan are closer than anyone could be. I go to her grave all the time and I just kind of know that me and her would have been best friends if she were alive. I miss her all the time and when I need someone to talk to, I pray. I'm not immensely religious but I pray because I feel like I'm talking to my nan, not God.

I've had one experience of death, that was last year, on 18th December. It was my dog. Yeh, I gettit. Big whoop. Pet dog. I had him my whole life and my parents had him put down while I was at school and they had him cremated the same day so I go to school, normal as ever, to come home and my dog is dead and gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye... like with Ash... (Check my blog to understand, I hate repeating myself - 4th entry ... I think, if not, 3rd).

So yeh... I was at least a little crushed, still am.

But what I want to know is... is that sad?


  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Handling Of Death - August 10th 2009, 01:56 AM

Okay, I lost a dog about 4 years ago. He was only 4 months old and his liver failed. About 5 months before that my maternal grandfather died. I have lost several family members over the past 8 years. It is very difficult. I am Christian and I understand the praying to your Nan and don't worry so does God. You are not strange for grieving for your dog.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Handling Of Death - August 10th 2009, 07:17 PM

Hey there, Alicia.

I don't think anything you have shared with us is sad. I think, actually, that it is wonderful you feel such a strong connection with your nan and it is not unusual or silly to grieve the loss of a pet.

Although you never met your nan, she is still your family, right? And I think it is certainly okay that you talk (or, as you put it, pray) to her. If you feel comfortable doing so and it helps you to feel connected with her, I don't think anyone should tell you that it is wrong.

The thing about losing a pet is that most people will not understand how painful it can be until they have been there. Pets are more than just animals--they become members of our family, especially when we have had them with us for a majority (or all) of our lives. And it is understandable that you are feeling upset about not having had the opportunity to say goodbye. Shaz, one of our Staff members, actually wrote a wonderful article on Grieving the Loss of a Pet. It might help you to check that out.

Take care and let me know if you need anything at all.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
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Re: My Handling Of Death - August 11th 2009, 12:18 AM

thats not sad at all my rabbit died last year i was devastated i had him since i was 10 looked after him by myself he was my first real responsibility he was like my child he was someone that i cared for for nearly 9 years and i loved him with all my heart <3

this year 3 days after the yr anniversary my nan died ( a couple of weeks ago) ive been signed of work because im struggling to cope with the loss she was my best friend we had a special connection noone really understood and probably never will loosing her is like loosing my mum or dad maybe even worse, i hadnt seen my couincillor in a yr but ive had to go back to help me deal with this.

in a way maybe just knowing in your heart that you'd of been best friends is all you need because if she was alive and you were as close as you believe you would of been youd be heartbroken at loosing her and its something i wouldnt wish on anyone because it physically hurts and i dont know what you believe in or anything but maybe you feel that connection cos shes with you ? keep praying and talking to her she'll be there listeining to you x

im just so tired of being here
suppresed by all my childish fears

these wounds wont seem to heal
this pain is just too real
theres just too much that time cannot erase

waterloo road fans http://petitions.tigweb.org/saveeddie
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Handling Of Death - August 11th 2009, 03:36 AM

I think it's totally normal to feel sad and depressed about loosing your dog. Especially when you're not to experienced with death. I always cry when my dogs die. I used to cry for days when my goldfish died (okay, I was 4)
Recently, in 8th grade, I had a lot of people die as well as friends betraying me... One of the deaths was the dog I've had most of my life. I was home alone when she fell and basically went brain dead. I called my mom, we took her to the vet, and I held her head while we put her down. I NEVER cry, especially in front of my parents or anyone really, but I cried during this. I cried non stop.

A more horrifying event in the same year, my bird died who I had gotten a few months before. He was a great bird really. But the door didn't get closed properly (it looked like it was closed... but it wasnt) You see, I had 2 dogs...and the cage wasn't closed... and you can guess what happened. When I stumbled upon it, I. was. horrified. Didn't scream but only because I couldn't. In a matter of seconds I was already crying and freaking out.

Anyway. I'm sorry if thats just... way to much. I started on the rant/story and had to finish.

ANYWAYS. It's normal to feel this way. I LOVE my dogs and would still cry if they died. I love them more than most people in the world. They're amazing. And you're probably no different than other devoted pet owners.

Good for you for being connected with your grandma by the way. That really is special. I knew all my grandparents, even if just for a few years, and I was never that connected to them. *hug*

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Re: My Handling Of Death - August 11th 2009, 09:00 PM

Alicia sweetheart,
You know I have experienced death. And I grieve even now even though it is 8 years on. Yes that was a boy that died, not a dog... but it is still death. It is not at all sad that you grieve for that dog. It makes you sensitive, and I just love you more for the fact that you grieve for him, even now, it shows that you care.
I am a very very strong atheist. And yet you know I pray, not to God, but to both my spiritual mother (not the one that gave birth to me and has raised me)... and I pray/talk to Ross. Even eight years on. You are not sad. You are sensitive and caring and my best friend.
xoxox Bex xoxox

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You cannot destroy me!
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