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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Soft Offline
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Anyone who has lost a friend. - January 20th 2009, 10:59 PM

I'm not sure if anyone else has had to go threw this, but I saw my best friend kill himself...

I walked to his house to see if he wanted to go out, go do something, and no body answered the door. His dad works all day so I knew he wouldn't be there, but my friend didn't go out often unless he had a reason. Anyway, we were like family, the door was open, so I went to look for him. I called out his name, checked some rooms, and then I went upstairs to his room.

Just as I opened his door the trigger went off.

I feel Responsible, so guilty, I was right there... I held his head in my lap as the cops came, as his father burst threw the door and took him from me...His blood on my clothing.

I feel like I pulled the trigger, like it's my fault.

I'm not sure if this is grieving or if I should be in the Depression Forum right now.

How can I get over this? Will I ever get over this?
I get my friends telling me that time will heal all, but I think that's BS! Anyone who has ever lost a friend knows any amount of time it takes, some little thing may spark a memory and their face will pop into your head...

What am I suppose to do... Please anyone who has experienced a loss, what helped you cope? Or is it even Possible...?
   
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Re: Anyone who has lost a friend. - January 21st 2009, 12:13 AM

I've experienced the loss of a few friends...through suicide, illness, and accidents. There's one friend that still sticks out in my mind though, and he always will.
You ask how you can "get over this"... well, the truth is that it's incredibly difficult for any person to "get over" any death of a loved one or friend...especially when something tragic has happened. And for me to tell you that you'll get over it no problem really wouldn't be fair... it WILL take time for you to feel better, yes...but I agree with you that time can't heal everything.
Through my experiences, things will get easier but you'll never forget...you'll start to remember the happy things, rather than anything sad when your friend comes to mind. Of course there will be times when you will feel sad, but that's okay.
I know that talking about my friend to well anyone who would listen, really helped me feel better.
I'm really sorry you've had to go through something like this, I'm sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best.
If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me.

-Meg
   
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Re: Anyone who has lost a friend. - January 21st 2009, 06:52 PM

Hey there,

I cannot imagine watching someone die, this way. I have seen death, but never like this, and I am so, so sorry that you are faced with this, now. What I do know is that it is not your fault.

Iíve lost more than one friend to suicide. Itís not easy. No matter what anyone told me, I knew, like you know now, that I was to blame. I knew in the bottom of my heart that I did something wrong, that there was something I did not do, that if only I had done something different, I could have saved them. I knew it then, but I know, now, that I was wrong. Even though I was so sure, at the time, there really wasnít anything I could have done. And you are not to blame, either.

I canít tell you that the pain will go away. I canít tell you when, if ever, it will be easy. But I can promise that in time, it will begin to feel easier. I think when a young person dies, we lose a piece of our innocence. We are faced with the tragedy that death isnít only for the elderlyóit is proven to us that life is not forever.

I am a firm believer that not everything in life has a reason. Some things hurt too bad, are too messed up, to have a rational explanation. I think that, oftentimes, death is one of those things. Thereís no good reason that your friend is gone, and no matter how badly I wish I could give you one, thereís nothing I can say to heal your hurt. Like money canít buy happiness, neither can words. And Iím sorry, for that. If there were magical words I could give to you, I would in a heartbeat. All I can offer is all that I haveóthe willingness to listen.

And I am willing. If you ever, ever need someone to talk to, please let me know. Even if you just want a random chat, about ponies, to get your mind off of things, Iím here.

When your heart hurts more than itís ever hurt before, when you wish everything could just disappear, when you feel like you canít take anymore, reach out. Talk. I think that, maybe, you should look into grief counseling. It might really help, to have someone to talk to. But donít forget that you have your friends, your family and, of course, TH.



Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
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Re: Anyone who has lost a friend. - January 22nd 2009, 04:17 AM

Hey.

all i wanna say is that.. you have all of us to talk to in case you need someone to listen.

i know words cant express how you're feeling right now.

but always remember there's always people in life willing to support and listen to you

and all of us are, definitely. you can count on us to listen if there's anything.


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
   
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Re: Anyone who has lost a friend. - February 2nd 2009, 03:30 AM

I'm so sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry that that image might remaine with you for a long time and I'm sorry you had to lose a friend that way.
Death is so hard, and its one of the hardest things for people who are greieving to understand.
I just hope one day you realize that it wasn't you fault. I don't want you to sit there and think that maybe if you walked up the stairs faster you could have stopped him or you could have talked to him before you came over and heard their was something wrong. There are a million ways to blame yourself hun but in the end you have to know that it wasn't your fault. I don't think your friend would want you to think it was your fault.
I'm so sorry, there aren't even words I can think to say to you right now...but I hope one day you do realize that it was never your fault. Sometimes people just can't handel it and suicide is a way out. It is a hard thing to understand but in the end he pulled that trigger hun, not you.
if you EVER need to talk...message me okay? I'm around and I'll get back to you.
again...im so sorry.
   
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