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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kyerion Offline
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Unsure - August 27th 2009, 12:52 PM

Lets start with a story. about a year ago, a young girl ran away from home in my town and was found dead in a city a couple of hours away. EVERYONE felt terrible. it was a gloomy day when that info was out in the newspapers. Everyone felt terrible but me.

I didn't know this girl, i didnt hate this girl. It seems like when someone dies that i don't nessicarily care about, i feel absolutly nothing for them or their families. It makes me feel like a cold-hearted person when i think about it, but its honestly how i feel about it. Normally people look sad, upset, and some even cry, even though they don't know these people.

When its somebody i care about then im sad, but like.. a great aunt that ive rarely spoken to doesnt phase me.

Should i see a cousillor or something?
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Re: Unsure - August 27th 2009, 01:11 PM

Hey Shaun,
I can relate to this from the time I was in high school and a guy in the year above mine died. The whole school was crying and upset but I didn’t know the guy, I had seen him a couple of times around the school but that was about it and I didn’t feel anything when I heard the news about him passing away.
So I don’t think you should worry about this, it is quite normal for some people to not feel anything towards people who they do not know.
Personally I am like you as well, like say a far relative who I haven’t actually met passes away I don’t actually feel anything either. I think there are some people who are just a little more emotional then others and maybe the other people knew this girl which was why they were so upset.
So personally I don’t think you need to see a councillor because I am just like you when people I hardly know pass away then it doesn’t really affect me.

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Re: Unsure - August 27th 2009, 02:36 PM

there really isnt a need to see a councler. i know what youre talking about, because you had no connection with the girl or her family but you should at least put yourself in their shoes for a second. know that there was a loss to a family, and while you may not be crying and stuff because of her loss (which you do not have to because you didnt know her or the family) you should probably show some sign of saddness, more pitty for the family. or your family. even if its an act, sooner than later it will become real. i feel bad for people who have lose people in fires and stuff but i dont cry and wish i had known them. nothing is wrong with you, just think about the loss a little more. know that was a real, loved person who lost her life. and while you didnt know her, you could have. or it could have been one of your friends or family members. but lucky for you it wasnt. good luck =]
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Re: Unsure - August 28th 2009, 03:06 AM

I don't see any need for you to see a councilor, however if you do feel that you should then feel free to. Some people are just more/less emotional than others.

I would be the opposite of you, I can get hysterical over the death of anyone, no matter how little I knew them. I am just one of those over-empathetic and sensitive people. My boyfriend however, would be more like you, he just doesn't get affected by things which shouldn't directly affect him. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just how some people are.

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Re: Unsure - August 30th 2009, 06:19 AM


I suppose how you feel is natural because you didn't know this girl so it can be hard to feel sad when you didn't know her. But then again it is terrible for this to happen to someone so young and some people would get very upset about it. If I saw this I would be rather shocked and maybe feel sad. But it wouldn't make me feel half as bad as losing someone close to me. I think everyone deals with grief in different ways and there is no right or wrong way.

If you feel like this is really affecting you then you should see a counsellor. But I don't think it is taking over your life or affecting you big time so I don't see any need for you to see a counsellor.
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