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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Angelina Offline
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Really? - September 10th 2009, 08:43 PM

I'm not going to go in alot of deatail here. But i honestly don't how to handle this anymore. Everytime i think about it, i feel sick to my stomach and i start shaking. Tomorrow marks a year and a half exactly since my dad got killed in a car accident. i will never ever forget March 11th, 2008. Why do i keep counting if its been this long? Well.. i really don't know the answer to that. I don't think i will ever be able to let this go. It's by far the most painful event of my life. Knowing i almost died in the accident is just so surreal. I can;t believe it's been this long. Feels like it was just yesterday.. when he was driving me to my basketball games and practices. He always supported me, and was always there for me. And now... He's not. HE didn't see me graduate high school. HE doesn't get to see me finish growing up. I wish he had the benifit of knowing who my girlfriend was & how happy she makes me. ugh!

I just don't know.. Sure i'll go visit where he's at but i always break down. Why do i feel so weak when i cry about him. I know i shouldn't be crying.. but not alot of people understand. It hurts so bad...

I don't have that much support. i just want someone to be there. Even though it doesn't make things quite one hundred percent better. I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Or if it will be like this for my whole life. Having my stepdad in my life now.. it makes me think even more. Ugh i don't know.

On top of that my great uncle died in 9/11 & tomorrow is the 8th year anniversary. I'll never forget that day. Talking about it with my 5th grade class and the whole US being devistated.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
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Re: Really? - September 10th 2009, 10:58 PM

Hey Ang,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. After all this was your dad so of course it is going to hurt a great deal. It was only a year and a half ago, which is still quite recent and it is ok for you still to count the days. You might count the days for a while longer and that is ok. Everyone grieves in a different way and there is no right or wrong way. I think losing someone such as a parent is one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through in life. It is such an awful thing to go through and you might be thinking why did it have to happen to me.. and I think life can be very unfair at times.

You know it is ok to cry; you shouldn't feel weak for crying because it is only natural to be upset. It doesn't make you weak at all and in fact it can be good to cry to let out your emotions. Perhaps visiting where he is and having a good cry could help you. It could just help to let out some emotions that are better out than in. It seems like you were really close with your dad and you will miss him because that is only natural. But hopefully in time you will be able to look back and see the good times you spent with your dad and not feel all the pain you feel right now.

This pain can go away Ang. It might take time but it will go away. You have to keep hanging on. Your dad may not be able to see you but what I believe is that he will be watching over you and I think he would be very proud of you for what you have achieved. You have come a long way.

If you ever need anything at all then my PM box is always open. Stay strong
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Really? - September 10th 2009, 11:44 PM

Hey you,
I know it's hard, and I try to talk to you...ask what's wrong but you never answer me. So first, just know that once you add my new sn...you can IM me any time, I might not always be able to answer but still. I love you. And it's more than okay to cry, especially since I know the alternatives. There's nothing wrong with it. I really couldn't relate at all before, but you know I can a little better now. There's nothing wrong with counting the days, it was something that drastically changed your life forever in a negative way. And to be honest, you'll never forget it. The pain will just become less. And I'm sure he did see you do all those things, and I'm sure he knows the wonderful person you grew up to be. As for seeing you and your girlfriend...I'm sure he knows, although I doubt he wants to see that...I don't even wanna see that =P
I love you forever and always, best friends.

"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Really? - September 11th 2009, 12:28 AM


First off:

We all know how much you loved your dad, and how much he loved you. The feeling you had when you were with him will never be replaced. It is something that will stay in your memories. Forever. When you think about the past, and the good times you had, you know that you won't be able to replicate the memories exactly and you will start to feel down, and sick, and depressed. This is totally normal. It does -not- matter how long ago it happened. You loved him a lot. You're going to feel like this every time this time of year comes around.

He did miss out a lot on your life, but think about it. If he didn't pass. Would you have met any of your friends here on TH? Would you have met your awesome girlfriend? Probably not. He loved you a lot, and if he had the choice between him and you. He would have chosen you to live in a hearbeat. Don't feel guilty ever with what happened. I'm 110% sure this is what he wanted.

It's totally fine to break down when you go and visit where he's at. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Go ahead, break down. You have lasted this long Angelina and it has made you stronger. You might feel weak when you cry, but you are not weak at all. If you were not to cry, it would build up inside of you, and -that- is what would make you weak, not being able to get it out. You're brave for getting it out and courageous for being able to go on and live your life after this. There's a lot of people that can't. Trust me angelina you are strong, very strong. More than you give yourself credit for.

I can tell you right now. You will always have at least two people for support, no matter what time of the day, no matter what. Your girlfriend and myself. We will both be there no matter what kind of mood you are in, we will be there for you both. There is everyone else on TH, but it may not feel as personal. But usually they do care, and if for some reason you can't get ahold of us, talk to them. It may help to get some out.

I'm sorry about your uncle. I never knew about him. I'm sure he was a brave man too.

Remember, you can talk to me at anytime, even at 4 in the morning if you need to I don't care. I'll pick up the phone and be there for you.

Feel better, I love you little sister <3

And a song... - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPUTyJ4cJys

And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Slade Offline
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Re: Really? - September 11th 2009, 01:04 AM

Babe, I know you miss your dad, more than alot. I know for a fact he cared about you more than anyone else in your life ever could have. He was probably the most amazing guy in all of Cali, I know it wasn't fair that he died and you didn't. But what would I do if you weren't here? Be a sad cookie. You do seem to talk about him an awful lot, and I find this interesting, (and not the slightest bit annoying so shush) it shows you still care about him, which is really sweet. I know this will be hard on you for now, and forever, but I'll be right here to hold your hand when you get upset and need someone. You are my angel, and I believe that he wanted it this way. Even though this may tear you appart, in a few years you will see that it has only made you stronger as a person.

While a death, of anything or anyone is really rough, its not the end, you still have friends, and more than anyone else, me. I'd stay up all night just to stop your tears, beautiful people don't cry. So don't cry angel. I love you, your dad loved you. Keep your head up, I'll be here to catch you when you fall and to wipe away the tears. You are my top priority in life, so smile babe, someone loves you very much. <3

Here is a song that is infact better than TJ's. ^_^


February 14th, 2009;
The day I set my heart free, forever.

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Really? - September 11th 2009, 01:11 AM

jen- thank you so much for your reply. it means alot

keena- i love you, your still important to me. and i know we've grown apart. i hope we can fix that. i miss you.

TJ- thanks for everything. for ebing here for me. and being a great friend. i seriously couldnt thank you enough.

baby- i love you, and thanks for understanding and being here when i need someone. i love knowing i have someone to count on that wont let me down. you continue to amaze me and make me feel special and important. i don't know what i would do without you. i love you to death, babygirl<3

& anyone who read this. thanks..
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Re: Really? - September 11th 2009, 01:16 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1_MydgRFZw :]
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Really? - September 11th 2009, 03:54 AM

I cannot imagine how difficult losing your dad was. You have been so strong for the last year and a half and that is absolutely inspirational. It is okay for you still to hurt and be upset and think about him, especially on the 11th. Don't beat yourself up for doing that, or question why you still do after "so long." There is no length of time for grief. You just have to let it happen and lean on the people who love you when it gets hard.

Everything happens for a reason. Even if you don't know why, or don't like what happened, there was a reason for this. You did not deserve it though. Your dad always will love you and be watching you and in everything you do! I'm sure he is up in heaven and is so happy with who you are becoming as a person, and how awesome you are. He will always love you. You are never, ever alone and can still talk to him anytime you need him.

I am ALWAYS here, Angelina. I know it's rough because our texts never make it to each other, but you have other ways of contacting me. It's okay to reach out. Talking can help so much too.

As always, you're in my prayers. Just hang in there and I promise you'll be okay.

I didn't look at anyone else's song, so I hope no one gave this. It's very meaningful to me. I hope you like it <3.

Love you.

There is always hope. PM me anytime.
SH Free since 10.20.08
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