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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Larrinda Offline
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Join Date: September 3rd 2009

I miss her so much,. - October 1st 2009, 06:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It has been five months since my grandmother has died.
People tell me everyday that it gets easier but it doesn't. Everyday I think about her and how fast it all happened. One weekend I was at home with her and the very next weekend I was standing over her hospital bed praying to God that she lives or ill hate him for taking her.
I don't understand why she had to die. I honestly never even thought about her dying I just kneeeew that she would live forever. I didn't think it was possible for her to die. We all need her so much. My family seems to be falling apart., But who knows maybe its just me.

I hate God for taking her away from me because now my life is hell. every breath I take means nothing to me now. I want to die. For years she was the reason that I didn't kill myself and then it was because I thought I'd go to hell. But yesterday I was talking to a close family friend and she told me that depression is like a bad sickness and if you don't treat it it may kill you. I believe her I don't think that I will go to hell. But then again I don't care anymore I just want my grandmother back and since that's not possible I wanna be where she is,.dead.

I feel like crap for thinking this was but I cant help it,. I try so hard everyday to be strong and pray but screw praying where was God when she needed him. When I needed him..

I am sorry for this novel but I don't know what else to do... If I cant figure this all out tonight I refuse to go on. I have accepted the fact that I cant do anything myself. I just want to stop the pain.

"My life is like a rolling river
So muddy and absurd
And although I might be mistaken
I know that Iíll be heard
And I find the second I try to pull away
Iím thrown back in line
All this time"
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Lil Offline
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Re: I miss her so much,. - October 1st 2009, 08:21 PM

Hey there,
i know what it feels like to lose your grandma and being so close to her.I lost mine to cancer and we werent expecting your to go so soon.For awhile your going to be mad at God because you cant understand the reason he took your grandma.to this day i still wonder the same thing about mine but he has a reason and you cant continue to hate him for it.Its only been five months your still going to be upset about it and you will be for awhile.Its scarey when someone you think is going to live forever is suddenly gone.Fact is even though now your still in pain and you dont think it will get easier,it will.Gradually with time the pain lessens it could be months or years but it does.This doesnt me you have to forget her but with time you will have to move on.I like to think that shes watching over you every day.Think about would she want you to die just because she did?or would she want you to keep on going with your life and be happy?I promise you the pain fades, and it does get better.She lives with you in your heart forever.Its times like these when feel God has abandon us but he hasnt, i promise you.
If need someone to talk to pm me any time <3
(i put the same reply since i noticed you have this thread in 2 dif places,just making sure you get my reply)

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
cherryqueen1248 Offline
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Re: I miss her so much,. - October 1st 2009, 09:48 PM

take things one day at a time. talk to your grandma, shes listening. she wants you to be happy. good luck!
my pm box is always open if you need to talk.
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depression, grieving, miss, religion, suicidal

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