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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Briana Offline
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One year later.. - October 2nd 2009, 01:42 AM

My friend committed suicide on October 2nd, 2008. It has been a year.

Is it okay to still feel this sad? Like everyday I am just still so sad and upset about this. I could have stopped her. My phone was off when she tried to get ahold of me when she was struggling.

Everyone tells me it wasn't my fault, I still think it is. I know it is. I could have stopped her, but I didn't. I am sorry.


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Kate* Offline
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Re: One year later.. - October 2nd 2009, 02:10 AM

It's ok to still be upset about this sometimes, especially with the anniversary. I know you feel guilty I went through something similar with someone back in Oct 2003. Just remember that you did everything you could do to help this person and the fact that you weren't there that one time had very little to do with it even if that doesn't make sense to you. You didn't end her life she did and you did all you could do for her.
   
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Anna Skye Offline
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Re: One year later.. - October 2nd 2009, 02:46 AM

Bribear-

First off, GIANT HUG.
This must be such a horrible burden to have on your shoulders, and I'm sorry you have to bear it.

I also understand where you would feel as though this is your fault, I do, but (and I know you've heard this a million times but it's because it's true) IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. If she was that serious about doing it, she would've done it, regardless of whether or not you had answered your phone. If she was having doubts beforehand, she wouldn't have gone through with it, or she would've contacted someone else. You are at no fault for her death AT ALL. I remember when this happened to you, dear, and I remember how shocked and scared and sad you were, and I know these feelings haven't gone away entirely over time.

What you must understand, however, is that she was sick. Depression (or whatever mental illness caused this action) is just as much of a disease as cancer - sometimes survivable, sometimes fatal. You wouldn't blame yourself if she had died of cancer, as you shouldn't because she died of a mental illness.

Nevertheless, this doesn't make the loss of your friend any easier to bear, I'm sure, and that is something that, sadly, nobody can really do too much about. But remember that I AM ALWAYS HERE if you ever need to talk about this, or anything else, okay? Time heals all wounds, I promise. Some wounds just take more time than others.

Hang in there, love. I'm sure she's happier, wherever she is. Please don't blame her death on yourself. It's just not your fault.
I love you <3

peace and love


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