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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Unhappy How to say goodbye my own way? - October 17th 2009, 07:35 PM

You may have read in the papers, that my friend Holly Grogan fell from a bridge on 16 September of this year and died, leaving us with a horrendous empty feeling. I've been to the funeral and the memorial service at school, but I want to say my own goodbye. Should I pray? - I'm not particularly religious -a Christian, but not completely solid in my ideas - but this seems a good time to bring back the religion of my younger childhood. I've written in her book of remembrance, but that's now been given to her parents. I was not a particular friend, but I'm struggling with the realisation that she'll never be there again. Shall I write? I want to tell someone how I feel, but I feel like nobody's listening.

Thank you so much.
   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 19th 2009, 04:49 PM

Hey,

I am really sorry to hear about this. It is up to you if you pray; everyone has their own ways of coping and getting through things.

It is really hard to come to terms with the fact that you won't see her again. But I suppose in time it becomes easier to accept. It might be a good idea to write her a letter saying how you feel. You are always welcome here to talk about your feelings. There is always someone that will listen so don't keep it all to yourself because that will only make you feel worse.

Stay strong.
   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 20th 2009, 02:10 PM

Thanks JenJen. I know everyone says the same things about death and grieving, and it's so hard to understand how people feel after an incident like this. The difficult thing at school is that everyone is grieving, and I know I am one of the lucky ones, in that I was not a very close friend. I feel I cannot complain or grieve at school, because I know it sets everyone else off... I am very musical, and am considering writing a piece for our end of year celebration, and then I can play that in memory. Her parents played a piece from Lord of the Rings at the funeral, and I was wondering what it was - something about someone had just died, and the others set off to find the Fellowship alone... Do you know what it is?

Thanks x



Holly Grogan, my friend, died 16.09.2009.
Goodbye, Holly.
May your smile light up the face of heaven.

   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 23rd 2009, 05:00 PM

Hey
I am sorry for your lost and there are many different ways of coping with your friends death like maybe writing the postive things about her and then putting it in a small box and then the way i coped with my friends death was by writing about her and writing how good of a friend she was

PM about anything
   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 23rd 2009, 08:52 PM

Something I like to do is to write letters to my grandmother (she died when I was too young to remember) I left one of them in the room she used to sit in to sew and knit, I keep some in a box. I plan to laminate a poem I wrote for her and put it by her grave.
There are countless ways you can say your own special goodbye to someone, these ones are more creative because I like to write but there are lots of other things you could try. Just think about what you enjoy doing and go from there.
I hope things get easier for you


Throw those curtains wide
One day like this a year would see me right


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Or click here for some grovelling.
   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 24th 2009, 02:01 AM

I remember reading about this story online. It's such a tragic end to such a bright girl's life. I just hope people can take note from this and learn that their actions may have much serious concequences than they first think. And I find it deeply ironic that she died because of bullying on social network sites yet her parents are currently gaining a lot of support from the messages left on there. Anyway, there are many ways you can try to remember your friend. How about writing a letter/poem and placing it at her burrial place or in a place where you two enjoyed going to? Just remember to keep all of those memories stored in your heart.

Take care,
Lottie.

Last edited by Lottie; October 24th 2009 at 02:07 AM.
   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 26th 2009, 01:02 PM

Thank you everyone. It's just so sad at the moment at school and we've planted some Holly trees in her memory - it's a little more cheerful, as a symbol of her new life in heaven. I think I may lay some flowers by her trees or leave messages. Grieving's so difficult and I sympathise with anyone going through it, I've finally learnt how awful it can be.



Holly Grogan, my friend, died 16.09.2009.
Goodbye, Holly.
May your smile light up the face of heaven.

   
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Re: How to say goodbye my own way? - October 26th 2009, 01:34 PM

Hey there!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing is harder than grieving for someone you love and/or cared about deeply.

Laying some flowers on the tree sounds like a great idea. I would also suggest (as someone else has said) making a box with her memorabilia...I haven't tried that one, but it sounds like a good idea.

More than anything that I know helps people cope, is writing the deceased a letter, and then burning it or leaving it in a spot sacred to that individual. I am not a religious person, but there's a part of me that still hopes that when you burn the letter, it reaches the deceased where ever they are.

I think that grieving is all about acceptance...and is extremely personal. Not everything works on everybody. Don't try to move past this quickly or entirely, just let events happen as they happen and cope in the way that works best for you.

Good luck and keep your head up!
-Jen


how nice- to feel nothing but still get credit for being alive
kurt vonnegut
   
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