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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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*Rainbow*Rider* Offline
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Help me get on with my life? - January 25th 2009, 04:02 PM

I don't really know what to say...just, how I feel I guess.
I'm not new to greiving, but this has hit me so hard.
I've lost people close, but...it hasn't felt like this.

My best friends little brother died at the age of 13 about three weeks ago. He was ran over...well, thats the simplist way of saying it, I don't think I'm allowed to go into detail. He was like my little brother in every way and I loved him like a brother.

The minute I found out I broke down, sat and cried and shook, and basicly ran to the car to get to the hospital. Got there and he was gone...But I sat with him and the family for hours before we where ready to leave.
He was still warm when I got there, and I'm thankful for that.

But now it's three weeks later, I've taken most of the three weeks off college. I've got to get back into routine but I have no will power to get out of bed in the mornings, let alone go to lessons and study. When I am in a lesson I don't hear a word that is said and two hours feels like two days. It feels like my head has frozen and my heart has stopped beating....Like my world has crashed down around me and I can't deal with anything... I feel sick constantly and my heads just filled with dreams and thoughts of him. I won't cry for days then break down and am half living at his house (like I said, he was like family and his family are like my family.)

I just...I want to find the will power to keep living. I'm going to get kicked out of my house if I don't get on with college and if I get kicked out of college I won't have the will power to get a job...

I just wanna curl up and disappear.I have been suffering from depression for about six years, involving self harm, bulemia and many suicide attempts and have only just really got over my demons and learnt to control my brain and emotions. I would try to commit suicide again right now if it weren't for my late friends mum. As I said, my friends family are like my family, so his mum is like my mum, and I would never want her to hurt any more then she already is over this. I feel like I've just got control over my life and now I have to start fixing myself all over again.


Last edited by *Rainbow*Rider*; January 25th 2009 at 04:42 PM.
   
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Re: Help me get on with my life? - January 25th 2009, 05:01 PM

Hi there Penny.
I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your best friends little brother. I can't imagen the pain you are going through right now but I can offer my condolances and I really do feel for you.

It's good that you say you want to find the willpower to keep living. This is a great start to finding it. Maybe all the memories you have of this little boy can keep you going. Have you spoken to you best friend about him? She probably needs you as you probably need her right now and together maybe you can share a smile with good memories.
Just try taking each day step by step, as little as you need them to be, theres no need to rush.

I hope you start to feel better soon, I know it seems impossible right now, but it will happen... in your own time. Good luck Penny, stay strong, and PM me if you need anything. I really hoped I helped, even just in the slightest. x


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Re: Help me get on with my life? - January 26th 2009, 07:29 AM

Penny,

I want to begin by telling you how sorry I am for your loss. I know you've probably heard that before, and I know it doesn't fix this, but it's true.

Loss is hard to cope with. I think that each time we lose someone, parts of ourselves change. But I think when we lose a young person, we also lose a piece of our innocence. Young people aren't supposed to pass; it does not fit in with how life is "supposed" to work. Your little brother's death seems to be having a profound and devastating impact on your life--even if he was not your brother by blood, you clearly love him as one.

I can't imagine losing a sibling, or someone as close to me as a sibling. It's only been three weeks and I wouldn't expect you to be feeling any better, yet. While there is no time line for grief, I think it's to be expected that you're still upset.

Have you been talking about it, Penny? I think it's so, so important to talk about our lost loved ones--with friends, family, and maybe even a grief counselor. I know how hard it can be to talk, but I've found it has helped me to begin the process of coping.

Take care of yourself. Let me know if you ever need anything.



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Re: Help me get on with my life? - January 29th 2009, 10:29 AM

I've suddenly just...stopped feeling it.
Not only is this bringing on so much guilt for me, I feel like its building up inside me again but I just...can't feel it at all. can't feel any worse then sad about it. I guess its better then wondering around like a zombie but even when I'm alone I can hardly feel more then sad about it.
God.
I don't know what I want.
Except him back.

Update:
Stumbled across the shirt I was wearing on the day it happened and broke down completely...feel better for it and stronger already.
Still doesn't feel real at all.


Last edited by *Rainbow*Rider*; January 29th 2009 at 04:44 PM.
   
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Re: Help me get on with my life? - January 30th 2009, 08:51 PM

When I was younger there was a little boy down the street around that age and mine where the same thing happened. He was riding a four wheeler and he didn't stop at the stop sign and a lady hit and killed him. She never saw him coming. The boy had an older sister and she just went numb. You and your friend really need to be talking to eachother. Death is never an easy subject and life is full of it. You're not the only one who this happens to. It's ok to grieve for the ones you've lost but it's not ok to want to die because of it. It's a terrible struggle but it's not impossible. If you need really need to, you should go talk to a counselor. You have be strong.
   
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