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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tearxstained Offline
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How long does this last? - November 8th 2009, 11:45 PM

My little cousin died in July 2008 and my stepdad followed February 2009. Its been a really long time ...and yet somehow I am not over it at all. How long does this pain last? Is it normal to still hurt every single day?
I have talked to people about it and wrote letters to them and listened to music and went on walks and visited grave sites...nothing helps me. Is this normal?

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - November 9th 2009, 12:06 AM

Honestly, you says it's a long time, but it's not... Even a year isn't long enough some times. I'll be completely honest with you, it's really normal to feel the greif of people so close to you for years afterward.
But it is possible to get over it sooner! You just have to try to distract yourself every day until the hurt numbs. I know death is very hard to deal with. It's good that you're trying stuff to help, even if they don't seem to ease the pain. You're trying and that's a very important step to getting over it quicker.

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I dare you.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - November 11th 2009, 07:21 PM

Hey Aly, with this you just have to be patient. The pain you feel is deep inside and distracting yourself won't help much because only time can heal this. There's no way to get over it quicker, you just have to be patient. If you distract yourself and want to get over it quicker you will simply be ignoring the pain not dealing with it. And as I said the only way is to let time heal you. When we humans lose someone we are very close it becomes extremely hard even to wake up or smile, but time helps us through this grieving. Because grieving is your soul's pain and once again only time can help. So be patient and the pain will subside, but don't rush it.
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Re: How long does this last? - November 15th 2009, 08:08 AM

i still feel grief of a friend that passed away 2 years ago...last year i was okay but this year n her anniversary i was a complete mess i just wanted to cry and do nothing else it was a really hard day i had a few other things going on at the time and i hadn't felt that way since the night we found out about her death. It will take a while and i dont think you will ever stop grieving but there does come a time when you do begin to be greatful for them in your life and you live off that.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - November 16th 2009, 10:34 AM

Grief and mourning.. are grey areas, sort of.
There's no such thing as a "normal" way to grieve. There's not even a wrong or right to it.
It's a big hurt. The loss of someonecan leave a big gaping wound in anyone... co-workers or family or sometimes even strangers. Everyone takes time to heal. They take different amounts of time to heal, and take different paths, if you like.

There is no time limit, no guidlines for how you are supposed to grieve. You have to take your own time, find your way there. Don't worry about "not getting over it yet" because you need your own time to deal.

Take care, okay?
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - November 16th 2009, 03:34 PM

It really is normal. My dad died in March 2008, and my grandfather in July 2008
It's def still really hard for me. I miss them both , so much.
Give it time, and hang in there. im here if you need to talk <3

  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - November 19th 2009, 02:35 PM

The pain is not going to go away. It's just going to dissipate and get easier to manage. Grief is a really long process, and it likes to stick around. Even when you're really old, you're going to remember your cousin. You might not be this sad about it, but you're always going to feel SOME kind of grief about it.
You're going to get through this. It really does just take time (as cliche and annoying as that is)
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - November 29th 2009, 10:16 PM

It takes time to get over the death of a loved one. My dad died June 2006 and somehow I got over it within 2 months. I do have days where I just want to curl up and cry because I miss my dad. And there are other days where I am just happy I had a dad for 11 years of my life. Just try to remember all the good times you had together and how happy they want you to be right now.

If you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.

Try to be strong because there are people who care about you. You are worth something to someone on this earth. God loves you, more than words can tell. Don't give up your life, you are better than that. Stay strong through the pain and the dark, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. <3
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Re: How long does this last? - December 4th 2009, 04:42 AM

I'm sorry that you are in pain, I know that losing a loved one is one of the most hardest things in life, especially when you lose more than one within a short time period.

It's okay that you're not over it, they are you family and you loved them, you are allowed to be sad. There is no certain time limit for this type of thing. Your body/mind is going to take as long as it needs to heal, and there's not really anything you can do to speed up the process. You have to go through all of the steps to the grieving process, which you can learn more about on: http://www.memorialhospital.org/libr...ess-THE-3.html This website goes through the stages of greif and what you can do about it.

I'm glad that you are trying your best to keep youself busy. It may not be the best time to visit their graves while you are still in so much pain, for some people it can make it worse, of course I'm not you so I don't know your case, so you have to make that judgement.

Feeling like this is normal, you are not alone. I know that you are hurting, we are here to support you. I hope this helped. Fell free to PM me at any time.

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Re: How long does this last? - December 4th 2009, 09:08 AM

It takes time. It will never go away completely.. but it will ease and you will find that life goes on.. as much as we don't like it to. I can't promise that it will get easier... but the pain will ebb away gradually.

That said, I'm always here if you need to talk.

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Re: How long does this last? - December 6th 2009, 04:59 PM

It is very normal. Death is so difficult, but it is a part of life. Just be patient. The grieving process is different for everyone and it is okay to still hurt from those losses. Hang in there. PM me anytime, okay?

There is always hope. PM me anytime.
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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - December 8th 2009, 04:38 AM

speeking from experince there is no limit on how long or how much you will hurt. All I can say is it gets a little better over time, it will never go away. there are 5 steps in the grieving cycle and you can move foward and back throughout the grieving process. My dad has been dead for almost 2 years and i still have accepted it. So all you can do is talk to someone about it... and dont let the greif swallow you. Just hang in there it will eventually with time and talking about it get better. If you ever need to talk im always here just message me
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Re: How long does this last? - December 11th 2009, 07:20 PM

I'm going to be completely honest with you. It's not uncommon to still grieve after that much time has passed. In fact, many people still grieve after a few years have passed. I'm sorry to hear that, by the way. My father died early this year, my aunt died shortly after, and three relatives as well. I know how you feel, believe me. It's always really hard to get over people you loved. The thing you have to realize is that they're always there with you and that they want you to be happy. It always takes quite some time to get over the death of a loved one. I'll always miss my family and friends who've died, but the thing is, I realize that they're in a better place now and that there is no way I can get them back. That they don't want me to be upset. Instead, they want me to lead a normal, happy life and not forget them, but move on. It's hard. But you can do it. <3

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.
And maybe we’ll never know most of them.
But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from,
we can still choose where we go from there.
We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

Colyn Riley ♥
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How long does this last? - December 13th 2009, 02:45 AM

Grieving is normal, and it's different for everyone.

I think, in the long wrong, you writing your letters, and visiting the graves and what not will help, but there's no quick fix in mourning....

because you knew someone, you liked or loved them, and now they're gone, vanished without a trace - death is truly heart breaking and certainly one of the hardest obstacles in life to get over...

But, do try to keep going as you are; you won't feel the change one day, but over time you will find you cry less, and laugh more, however cliche'd that sounds.
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