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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
stefferz74 Offline
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Name: Stephanie
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: NJ

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Join Date: January 26th 2009

Unhappy One Year ago Today...1/26 - January 26th 2009, 10:11 AM

Today is the anniversary of his death. One year ago today, my guitar teacher had a heart attack and passed away. I remember it like it was yesterday.

The day was like any other Saturday. I woke up and had a guitar lesson that morning at 11:30. My mom drove me to the music store and I went inside. I didn't see my teacher at first, which was normal. Sometimes he went upstairs to his apartment or to the convenience store to get a coffee, so I just waited for a minute. That's when I heard an exhale. i was a little freaked out. I heard it again and it sounded like it was coming from behind the counter, so I looked. I saw him laid out on the floor, pale as a ghost and he was just staring with his mouth open like he was trying to breathe. He was unconscious. I started freaking out and went outside to get my mom to come in. She came in and saw him there and told me to call 911. After a few minutes the ambulance came and the EMT's came inside and dragged him out onto the floor to get to him easier. They cut his shirt and tried CPR. They found a slight pulse and put him on a gourney, put him in the ambulance, and rushed him to the hospital. While all this was happening I was in the corner sitting on a huge amp crying hysterically and freaking out. The cop and EMT's tried calming me down by telling me I did the right thing and I was a hero. It meant nothing to me at the time. My mom drove me home and on the way I texted my boyfriend, begging him to meet me at my house. He ran the whole way and beat us home. I was still crying and couldn't talk so my mom told him what happened.

Later on that day, I was studying at my boyfriend's house with him and a friend for mid-terms that week. My mom called and said she had to talk to me and that she'd be there in a minute. My heart sank and I immediately thought the worst. She got there and told me that my teacher didn't make it. He was gone. I didn't cry at first, but after my mom left, I went back inside, and my boyfriend's mom asked what happened, and my b/f told her and she hugged me and said she was sorry and that things would be okay. I started to tear up and hugged her back.

A year later, here we are. Every now and then I think to myself that if I had just gotten there a few minutes earlier, he would maybe still be alive. To this day, I have not picked up my guitar.
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Re: One Year ago Today...1/26 - January 26th 2009, 05:00 PM

That really is terrible... but if he was a good teacher I'd highly doubt he'd want to you to just hang up the guitar like that.
Thinking of him like that every time you see your guitar is only human, but in time you'd grow to live with it.
I'd say give it another try, in his memory...
Hope you're okay
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*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
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Re: One Year ago Today...1/26 - January 26th 2009, 05:06 PM

Hey Stephanie,
I am so sorry to hear about this *hugs*. Today must be such a hard day to get through. I hope it hasn't been too difficult for you. Try to be positive and remember all the positive times you spent together. You don't know whether he would have survived if you got there a few minutes earlier. You did your best and called for an ambulance and there is nothing more you could of done. I am here anytime if you need someone to talk to :-)
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eunoia Offline
(n) beautiful thinking
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: One Year ago Today...1/26 - January 27th 2009, 10:03 AM


I want to let you know how terribly sorry I am for your loss. Teachers can make such a profound impact on people's lives, and it is often devastating to more than their own families, when they pass. And I'm so sorry you had to see him on the floor, like that. I can only imagine how painful, how frightening it was.

I don't think he'd want you to give up playing guitar... I really don't. Maybe music can help you to cope, Stephanie. I know it will be hard, to play, but try playing for him.

I'd like to share a piece of my favorite poem with you. It's called "A Psalm of Life" by Henry Wadworth Longfellow.
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate ;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
I think that poem says a lot about life, but I also think it says so much about death and loss. I think, in a way, this poem tells us to remember those who are no longer with us, and cherish those memories, and then for those people, because of them, make our lives great, wonderful, powerful. "Take heart" in all of the wonderful things our loved ones have done, remember them and feel peaceful, and then... make them proud.

I can't promise you that it will ever be easy. But the memories you have of your teacher are yours to keep forever, not even death can steal them from you.

Let me know if you ever need anything.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
stefferz74 Offline
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Name: Stephanie
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Re: One Year ago Today...1/26 - January 27th 2009, 10:25 PM

thanks guys.. and i do want to try to start up on the guitar again, but right now im just not ready. every time i look at it it reminds me of that day and i just cant..
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ago, today1 or 26, year

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