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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Cazzum Offline
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I just can't cope. - November 26th 2009, 09:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Basically, a few months ago, my Grandad passed away, but the night he did pass away he was in hospital, and anytime he was in hospital i got the chance to see him and most of the time, yeah i went and saw him, and this time i just didn't go because i said i'd go next time and see him when he's out or something, but there was no next time, and i feel like, i can't even explain how i feel that I didn't go the night he died, of course i didn't know he was going to die, but i still get angry at myself for it.

Secondly, my grandad was amazing, he was just so funny and i miss him so much, and as i am writing this i am crying, and i heard this song today in music which was ''Jesus blood, never failed me yet'' and it's an old man singing and it nearly made me burst out in tears in the middle of my lesson, I don't know how to cope, everyone in my family seems to be getting over it now and only think about him when they go into his home or past the graveyard, but no matter what i think about him atleast once a day, and like.. it's not that i don't love him enough to think about him but, i don't want to think about him everyday as it gets my way to upset and i really really can't get over it, no matter what, i just don't know what to do.

I've tried praying and everything and nothing seems to make it go away, this pain is awful and, grandad this message is for you:

Maybe sometimes i was harsh to you, and didn't treat you right, but i love you and i always will, someday we will be back together, and my heart will pain until that day, i love you.


"If my body dies, let my body die, but do not let my country die" - Genghis Khan

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Re: I just can't cope. - November 26th 2009, 09:51 PM

All I can offer are my apologoies for what you are feeling. Sorry.
   
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Re: I just can't cope. - November 26th 2009, 09:56 PM

Don't be sorry, it isn't your fault, i wish even he'd come to me in a dream, and tell me he's proud of me and loves me, and that would give me great comfort.


"If my body dies, let my body die, but do not let my country die" - Genghis Khan

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Re: I just can't cope. - November 26th 2009, 11:56 PM

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Originally Posted by Cazzum View Post
Don't be sorry, it isn't your fault, i wish even he'd come to me in a dream, and tell me he's proud of me and loves me, and that would give me great comfort.
Don't worry, you'll eventually dream about him. I didn't start dreaming about people who died until weeks later. But I still have dreams about my grandfather, and he died 12 years ago. I usually dream about the things that are at the back of my mind, so when I distract myself from thinking about the loss of loved ones, they visit me in my dreams to remind me that they're there. That's what they're there for in your dreams- to remind you.

I felt guilty for my dog's death, because the last time I saw my dog was the day I left for vacation. Two days later, she died, and I never even got the chance to say 'I love you.' I didn't think she was going to die, but I think she did it while I was on vacation so I wouldn't have to see her suffer.

The same could be said about your granddad. I'm certain that your granddad didn't want you to see him die. Some people know when their day is coming, and he wasn't expecting you to come visit him, so he chose that moment to rest in peace. I know it's hard for me to explain this, but I think he chose that exact moment to die, so that the next time you visited him, you wouldn't have to see him at his worst, moments before death. Nobody wants to be seen at their worst. My sister has seen people moments before they die- and she said it's one of the worst feelings in the world, because there's nothing you can do.

You shouldn't feel hopeless. Rather, you should stay strong for your granddad.
   
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Re: I just can't cope. - November 28th 2009, 05:08 PM

Hey Callum,

I am so sorry that you are going through this at the moment. I know losing someone close it just an awful thing to go through. You shouldn't be angry at yourself for not seeing him on the last night. You didn't know what was going to happen. I think he would know you loved him very much and would appreciate you being there for him whilst he was in hospital. You have to hold onto the positive memories you spent together.

I am always here for you if you want to chat. Stay strong.
   
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Re: I just can't cope. - December 5th 2009, 04:34 AM

thanks to everyone who has helped, and i know that he is watching me now, and i hope he's proud of me, and knows i love him


"If my body dies, let my body die, but do not let my country die" - Genghis Khan

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Re: I just can't cope. - December 5th 2009, 05:32 PM

I think he will be proud of you Callum for being so strong and fighting through this.
   
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Re: I just can't cope. - December 6th 2009, 01:27 AM

Death sucks, but it's part of life...*hugs*

I'm glad that you know he's watching over you. I'm sure he's very proud of you.

One day he will come see you in a dream. My baba (grandma) died a year ago and I still don't have happy dreams about her, but I know that one will come soon enough. Maybe you're not ready to have those dreams yet, even though you feel like you should be, and he's just protecting you.

I hope you're alright. If you need to talk I'm just a PM away.
   
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Re: I just can't cope. - December 6th 2009, 04:48 PM

I'm brand new here, so I don't really know the protocol or anything. But I saw this and thought I would respond.

My dad died almost four years ago. There was an accident at work. And the thing was, a lot of the time I would wake up before he had left for work, and I would go out and say good morning and goodbye to him before he left. But that morning, I didn't. I lay in bed and I could hear him leave; I could hear him walking across our porch to the car. But I didn't get up.

So I know how you feel when you say that. Or at least, I can come very close to knowing how you feel. So all I can say is that it does get better, but there's no magic number as to when. It sounds to me like you're doing amazing, whether or not you think so.

PM me if you want to talk about anything.
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Re: I just can't cope. - December 6th 2009, 04:56 PM

I am sure he is very proud of you, Callum. Just keep your head up. You can talk to him to, you know. Good luck. PM me anytime.


There is always hope. PM me anytime.
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Re: I just can't cope. - December 11th 2009, 07:15 PM

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandad. I know it's hard. But please, do not blame yourself, or be upset with yourself for not going. It may have been much harder for you if you did see him before he died. And you couldn't possibly know. There was no way for you to know he'd pass away. But I'm sure he loved you very very much; still does for that matter! And although he's not physically, there, he's always with you. Don't be upset he's gone. Be glad that you had time with him. He wouldn't want you to be upset. He'd want you to be happy and enjoying yourself! It may take some time, I know. But you will get better, and you'll always have him in your heart I'm here if you ever need to talk.



I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.
And maybe we’ll never know most of them.
But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from,
we can still choose where we go from there.
We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

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