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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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silentmuffin Offline
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I can't do this for the rest of my life. - November 27th 2009, 12:28 AM

My grandmother died almost 5 months ago. It's not getting any easier. She was my best friend and the holidays just suck all around without her here. She was the life of the party and I was always right next to her and now she's not here. Thanksgiving just feels like another day, and I can't stand to see all the big families outside playing football and going for walks and I see how my family has drifted apart and the one person who I felt closest to is gone. People tell me it will be better when I have my own family and get to make new memories, but I don't want any of that. I just want what I had. I have so many memories of her and I know it's great that I have them but they just remind me of what I'll never have again and I can't think about going the rest of my life without her. I don't know what to do. Now I understand why so many people hate the holidays.


Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
   
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Re: I can't do this for the rest of my life. - November 27th 2009, 03:08 AM

I know exactly what ur going through. i hate the holidays now. my uncle was killed 2 years ago right b4 christmas and my cousin died in a car accident last year right b4 christmas. i know what u mean about seeing all those happy families and thinking that can never be me again. its so hard. i'll tell ya the truth, i totally had a breakdown tonight. just sat outside and cried. i didnt know what else to do. it made me feel better. i know how much i miss them and thats its not fair. and im sure u feel the exact same way. its so hard, especially around this time of year. its not gonna be easy, but u can get through it. pm me anytime you need to talk. i know exactly how you feel


♫✮You may have fallen but you still have your wings. All you have to do is learn how to fly again✮♫

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♪ and let it all go...
~august rush

   
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Re: I can't do this for the rest of my life. - November 27th 2009, 05:19 AM

It just sucks that there are a lot of people out there who feel the same way... the holidays shouldn't be like this, and I know that life's not fair but there's nothing we can do to make anything better and that kills me. Christmas is never gonna be the same for me again and I can't stand the thought that I'm gonna have to pretend to be okay and happy when I'm really not.


Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
   
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Re: I can't do this for the rest of my life. - November 27th 2009, 05:56 AM

Hey Lyndsay <3

First of all sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's always hard when we lose someone we love and care about. My grandpa passed away five years ago and I'll be honest it still hurts sometimes. Your grandmother was an important part of your life for many years and its natural to miss her. Holidays are always particularly hard because it makes you miss them that much more but try to remember all the good years you got to enjoy with her. She'd want to see you happy I know that. In your last post you mentioned that you'll have to pretend to be okay or something along that line. I just want you to know that it's okay not to be okay sometimes. You don't have to pretend that everything is happy and lovely. It's okay to hurt hun. <3 I've always found that its helpfull to talk to my family or other people about it. Just being able to talk things out is sometimes all it takes.

If ya ever need anyone to talk to my inbox is always open <3 Hang in there hun!
   
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Re: I can't do this for the rest of my life. - November 27th 2009, 09:01 PM

If it's any consolation, maybe you should spend the holidays away from the family for once, and try to spend it with friends instead. I know how it feels to go to family reunions; usually, they don't end well, at least not for me. Probably because there's too many holidays within just a few months (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter). Maybe you need a break from your family, just for once. See how it goes.

In the end, though, you're lucky! You spent a good 20 years with your grandma on the holidays. I never really met my own grandpa, because he died when I was 4. I wonder if he'd be proud of me today, because I'm fulfilling the dreams he had for my mom.
   
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