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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
callme_crazy Offline
el desear para la lluvia
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Name: Chuy
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Zacatecas, Mexico

Posts: 6
Join Date: January 25th 2009

Not Ready - January 26th 2009, 05:31 PM

My cass is dead. she was my girlfriend... she was my life. she was the only light in this hell. and shes gone. everyone keeps pulling me telling me that im young and ill rebound. they say i just need to move on with my life and get over her.

dont they understand that getting over her would be like getting over breathing. she was my life. i mean, im okay in some sense of the word. im not gonna off myself just cuz shes dead. cass would never forgive me for that. she wanted me to live my life. and somday i want to be worthy to hold her hand again in heaven.

but i just cant stand it right now. how do you deal with it? i just people to understand. she wasnt just my girlfriend. she was life. she was my cass. and im not ready to get over her.

She's my kind of rain...
She loves me like im clean again
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*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
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Name: Jen
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: England

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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not Ready - January 26th 2009, 05:44 PM

Hey Chuy,
I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend. You obviously loved her very much. People telling you to move on is unhelpful. It can be so hard just to move on and especially get over someone you loved. You never will get over it, but hopefully in time you will learn to deal with it better. You have to remember what your girlfriend would want for you. No one can tell you to get over her, because it will take time to heal and grieve. There is no set amount of time for this, because it is different for everyone. Is there anyone you feel able to talk to about your girlfriend? You don't have to be alone. Stay strong:-)
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eunoia Offline
(n) beautiful thinking
Jeez, get a life!
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Location: USA

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Re: Not Ready - January 29th 2009, 08:17 PM


I've read this thread so many times, and I just can't ever find the "right" thing to say. There aren't any magic words I can offer you that will make this any easier, any better. I can't fix this, I can't bring Cass back, and I'm sorry for that. If I could, I would.

You're young, they're right. But I don't think that matters. You'll never stop loving Cass, and no one will ever be as good as her, because the most eternal of love is the love for someone we cannot be with, anymore. One day you'll meet someone who understands that, who loves you just the same, anyways, and you'll love them too... in different ways. But that won't erase your memories of Cass, or your love for her.

Pain like this won't go away, and I'd lie and say it will but... that would be a lie. It can, it will, become easier, though. Not easy, but easier.

I wish I had something better, something more to say. I'm here if you need to talk, anytime.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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Name: Lace
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Re: Not Ready - February 2nd 2009, 03:06 AM

ya know when people say they understand how you feel? and you want to rip their head off because theres no way they could possibly understand? well less then 2 weeks ago my boyfriend was in a car accident and he didn't make it. So when I say I understand and I know how you feel. Don't bite my head off.
I hate it too, when people tell you to just get over it and move on, "life goes on"
well ya know what? at the moment...life doesnt go on. life is stuck right here in this one place until were ready to accept what happened and move on.
It sounds like she was a huge influence in your life. And its good that your willing to keep going and move on from it, your stronger then I am.
And I really understand what you say about getting over her is like getting over breathing. I don't know if you planned your life with her but to see yourself with someone for so long into the furture, and suddenly they just aren't there......its really hard. All deaths are really hard but the ones that you have love and emotional connections to...there the hardest.
Stay strong, and greive...ur right..u aren't ready...and u might not be for a long time...dont rebound. Don't make it seem like she ment nothing to you because you know she did. And don't worry what other people say to you. You and only you know exactly how you felt about her...and you know how long itll take to get over her..
I'm here if you ever need to talk. Just send me a message okay? It seems hard but eventually things will pick back up again. You'll make it through, you'll be able to hold her hand in heaven some day. Just keep holding on to that dream. =) *hugs*
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