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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My mom is dying... - November 28th 2009, 08:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mom had cancer when I was 13...and I struggled through it. It came back when I was 16, and a week ago it was found that now cancer spreads to her liver.
She is dying...this cannot be true..
yet something in my head keeps telling me that she is dying...
Now they stop all the treatment, only painkiller is left and one day it will be Morphine.
I am not ready for this, I'm not ready to say goodbye.
she is everything, she is what I live for...she is the reason I decided to live and did not kill myself yet.
and now I wish it would be dad instead of mom...I should not think this way, it is just so wrong, and I feel so guilty but I don't love dad as much as my mom. Without mom I cannot survive, I would not want to live my life anymore.
Now I am not even with her, I'm studying abroad, and I really want to go back but I know she will never let me.
Please please please, I have no one to turn to..
somebody tell me this is just nightmare
I'm so tired, I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
She just can't die...help me please


These walls that I can't break down...
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - November 28th 2009, 08:39 PM

I'm so sorry, I'm such a state at the moment. I've just had a death recently, and it's come back to bite me. Feel free to PM me, just don't want to give you terrible advice when I'm feeling rough.

Stay strong for your mum



Holly Grogan, my friend, died 16.09.2009.
Goodbye, Holly.
May your smile light up the face of heaven.

   
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Re: My mom is dying... - November 28th 2009, 08:51 PM

Hi
I sorry to hear that, about your mom. I think the best thing you can do now is that your heat tells you to do. You said you are studying aboard try going for Christmas home and be with her.
You clearly love your Mom very much and I think it would affect you badly if she were to die before you got there. Go with gut instinct on this you don't get a second chance at this.
Take care and all the best to your Mom.


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Re: My mom is dying... - November 29th 2009, 10:44 AM

Hey there,

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I have lost my mum so I know how awful it is. You must have all sorts of emotions going around your head at the moment. I know right now everything will be overwhelming and you might feel like giving up but you have to hang on for your mum. I don't think your mum would want to leave you but she has cancer and has no choice. She wouldn't want you to throw away your life because of her. I think she would want you to make the most of your life. However, I understand just how difficult that is when something like this happens.

I think you should try to go and see your mum during the holidays maybe. It can't be long till you are off for Christmas now?

I am always here if you want to chat Stay strong.
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - November 30th 2009, 05:16 AM

I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was 14. I know the last thing you want to hear right now is that someone knows how you feel. I believe that no matter how similar the situation is, no one can really know how you feel but you. I know that I had a lot of regrets when my mom passed away. There were many things I wished I'd done differently or said to her. But you can't do that to yourself, it will only eat you up. So all you can do right now, is try to get through this with as few regrets as possible. If your heart says go home, then go. I know your mother would want you to chase your dreams, and that is okay, but that can come after this hard time is over. Right now, you should cherish the time you have with her.
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 12th 2009, 10:47 PM

hey "just Someone,"
Your mother made you the person you are today, and trust me, she made you strong enough to get through this. My motherjust recently died from cancer, and it was awful in every way. But I know she is in a better place, and I can take comfort in that. She has been ill all my life but she always supported me. Now I am 15 and a better person because of all she gave me. Don't focus on her coming death, remeber the past. It is not any less sad, but it is a saddness of a different kind. Even if you aren't there in person, when you think about her, your spirit will be where it needs to be. Just to love her is enough.
All the best,
Mimi
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 14th 2009, 10:17 PM

Now I am at home, I came back the day before.
Mom is in hospital, not doing well.
She can go anytime.
She can't eat now, and sleeps most of the time because of Morphine.
I've never felt this lonely
it's been 5 months since i went study and when I come back it seems like everybody everything is dying away from me.
She is in so much pain, and I feel so worthless I cannot do anything at all.
I want to cry every time I see her, I'm trying to be strong but I too need someone.

She asked me not to drop my studying, which means I will have to go back to study on this 31 December. I cannot even concentrate on anything right now, but I have so much work to do and have to prepare for the coming exam. But I can't do anything.

If I go back I know this is the last time I see her
it's like coming back to say goodbye
and now i wish she dies while I am still here
I don't want to go back. I can't do this, but no one understands.


These walls that I can't break down...
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 15th 2009, 04:15 AM

That's so shitty, this thread is making me cry. I have nothing but sympathy for you and your family, and if there's anything I can do to help you through this, please don't hesitate to PM me. I've never gone through something like this, but I could never imagine losing my mother, especially now. I couldn't possibly understand how you feel, but I will do my best to empathize.

I know your mom says to go back to your studies. But I feel like you should stay with her til the end. Your studies can always wait. As was mentioned so many time, listen to what your heart is telling you. If I were in your position, I would stick by my mom's side until the end. She deserves to have you by her side.

You, your family, and especially your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love always.
Thomas


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 15th 2009, 05:46 AM

I lost my father tragically, so i kind of understand what you are going through right now.
Stay strong for your mom. Spend as much time as you can with her.
Tell her you love her.

Your in my thoughts<3
Take care.




   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 15th 2009, 11:14 AM

I really do want to stay, but she asked me to move on
She begged me, kinda made me promised that i would not drop my studies.
I just don't know what to do...if this is what she really wants
or maybe she wants this because of my future, I want to tell her everything can wait
but she won't let me stay. she said we all have duties, and life has to go on as it is.
if I stayed, I can't do what she asked to do, if this is her last wish.. isn't it very selfish of me if i'm not to do what she begs me?
but if I go, I will never forgive myself for this.
everything in my world is broken. I make mistakes over and over, everything I do or have to do is a mistake and now i'm about to do it again.
When I go back home at night, home has never been this quiet.
there were only three of us left last night, my bros and I, because dad had to stay at the hospital.
Everybody went into their rooms as soon as we got home.
Without mom, it is so lonely.
I can't sleep in my bedroom because when i see that she is not here beside me as she used to, i can't stop crying. I stayed awake since 3 in the morning, and cut.
I know..she is not coming back home anymore.
I want to run and run..away from all these pains.


These walls that I can't break down...

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Re: My mom is dying... - December 16th 2009, 06:32 AM

I think you should tell her that you need to be with her. For your sake and for her sake. It's times like these that family has to stay together. I'm pulling for you, and I'm always here if you need anything.


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 16th 2009, 08:42 AM

Most college courses will allow you to retake exams/delay taking exams in a situation like this, so as horrible as it is why not explain the situation to them. If your mum knows that you will definitely go back to studying without your marks being affected, then maybe she'll be ok with you sticking around.

=[
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 17th 2009, 12:31 AM

That time you spend with your mother cannot be replaced. I say stay with her, the exams can be retaken but that time you spend with her cannot be regained. Stay with her and then later on you can go on with school.
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 17th 2009, 03:46 PM

Sorry to hear about your mom! i hope a miracle happens and she can recover.. Hope for the best for you and your family.!


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 17th 2009, 04:49 PM

I KNOW I have to stay, that's what I want the most, but what can I do now? when mom wanted me to promise that I will continue my studying. I get angry with everything, I get angry with dad and everyone because I feel like they are all pushing me through this alone. They never understand...I went there for mom, I have lived for mom. She is the reason for my life, the only reason that keeps me going. How can I just go back there, sit there studying when I know that my own mother is dying? How can I take the exam when I can't read anything. I cannot be alone, I don't know what i am going to do with myself.
They are all going crazy, they try to make everything as normal as possible. They act like nothing has happened, and everything goes on the same. They want me to just go back and come back when this term ends in the next 3 months. How can I? NOTHING is the same anymore. I just dont' understand...this is my MOTHER...
but why am I the only one who cannot be here with her in the last moment of her life.

Today dad came to talk to me, and tried to explain to me that this is natural...and if we can accept it, we will be able to move on, and that mom wants me to go back because she loves me and she can now let go of everything. I KNOW it is natural, I KNOW this is what we all have to face one day, but won't you give me anytime to mourn, dad?
If you think that it is so easy to live with her death, then my death will not be as bad..

I told him everyone wants to be here, i asked him isn't it too selfish to make me go..
he does not understand, and will never understand...that mom is everything for me, that I someitmes hate this family so much...that we are not even a family...and mom is the only one that makes we feel warmth and understanding.

They did this once, 5 years ago they did like nothing happened...and I was there watching my mom being tortured from Chemo. I was only 13, i tried my best to be strong but what did they expect from me? Everytime they saw me, everyoing kept asking me 'why don't go take care of your mom?'. They did not understand that it hurted so much to watch her hair fall off her head, to watch her throw up, to watch her stay in bed for 5 days and could not do anything. And I know I made mistakes, I barely went there to take care of her, I ran...
and right now when I do not want to run away, they are making me do it.
They let me went through it all alone by myself, and in these 5 years I have been afraid that this time would come and they will do this again.

and I am right...

If I don't go back, mom will still be worried.. they say she wants to know that I have the good future lying ahead...
If mom can stay until 31 December, and dad say I don't have to go back...then I cannot show my face to her again..

This is hard for everyone on the family, but them doing this makes it even harder to me.
and it makes me feel so alone...
if death can end all the pain, maybe it is not what i should be afraid of..

thanks for all your replies and thanks for letting me speak...


These walls that I can't break down...

Last edited by ThatpersonIusedtobe; December 17th 2009 at 05:00 PM.
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 23rd 2009, 10:09 PM

Just someone,
I am soo sorry... my nanna died of cancer. But still, she wasn't nearly as close as my mother. I guess the best thing to do now is to hang on... Please hang on and be strong and don't show you'r mom how scared you are. Be brave for her, she needs you.
It would be stupid to say all that shit about "no, she's gonna live" (although that is possible). I REALLYYY HOPE SO.

Now, give your mom all your love.
I am preying for both of you.
Let me know how things go...
Take care,
Melody
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 24th 2009, 01:43 AM

Hey there,
This is definately a tough time you are going through. No doubt about it. I'm going through a similar experience as you have been through. I understand right now you probably don't want to heard all these stories about other people's family. All you probably want is an answer and for everything to go back to how it used to be. I am just going to say, my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma recently and has been undergoing chemo. It is so torturous seeing the doctors just make her sicker and it seems like they aren't even helping. You are not the only one feeling this way though. When you said you didn't stay to take care of your mother when she was undergoing chemo, it's understandable. Some people stay by their parents bed hour after hour day after day making sure they are always breathing and getting everything they need. Other's just try to spend the least time around them, scared for them and not wanting to deal with everything. You didn't do anything wrong by not taking care of her. You need to move on with your life also. It may seem like your dad just is ignoring what's going on, but you have to realize it's hard for him also. The whole family needs time for mourning, but everyone also needs to move on with their lives. I think your dad just wants you to move on because he doesn't want you grieving when you can be going back to your schedule. It's like when one family member has cancer, it's almost like everyone does. Everyone is affected and each person has their own way of dealing with it.

I strongly suggest you find a professional to talk to. Having someone other than family is extremely helpful. Also, they usually have extremely helpful suggestions for making the pain a little less hurtful. Remember, we are here for you. Your family is here for you. It may seem like you are alone, but you aren't. All the emotions you are feeling right now are normal. You just need to find the right way to deal with all of them. It would hurt your family so much more if you decided to follow your mother. That's not what she wants, that's not what your family wants, and that's not what we want. You CAN get through this. I have faith in you. If you feel you need more time to mourn, that's your decision. But, the longer you wait to return to your studies, the harder it will be. If returning to your studies to early will make things this much worse, you need to tell your parents that. Let them know you will go back to your studies, but you need more time first. It's up to you in the end. Again, I strongly suggest you find someone else to talk to that knows exactly how to help you. You are not alone. We are here for you. You can always PM me if you ever need anything at all.

Take care of yourself now,
Alessa


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 24th 2009, 03:46 AM

thank you for your replies

she passed away on Monday.


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 24th 2009, 04:08 AM

I am sorry for your loss. I'm sure she didn't want to leave you, I believe that she is at peace now and that she is no longer suffering.
I will pray for you that God will give you strength to go on and have a wonderful life. Just look at it this way. She is gone for a while and you two will someday be together again. In the meantime, she lives through you, in everyday life, in all you say and do. And also remember, she is watching over you just like she did before but just alittle different.
My condolences to you and your family.


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 24th 2009, 07:10 PM

I'm so sorry that happened. Stay strong. Just remember, she wanted you to live out your life and be happy. Like Andrea said, she is no longer suffering and can now watch you from above. You are not alone and we are here for you whenever you need us. Hang in there and don't hesitate to PM me if you ever need anything.


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 26th 2009, 08:28 PM

Sorry for that.

Last edited by Jacksonian; December 26th 2009 at 08:29 PM. Reason: Correction
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 27th 2009, 10:15 PM

I am so sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine everything you are going through right now. But if you ever need someone to listen or rant to then I am always here anytime at all so just PM me or whatever. You are not in this alone.
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 27th 2009, 10:20 PM

I'm so sorry =[
Take care hun
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 28th 2009, 04:07 AM

Sorry to hear about this. I lost my father to cancer last month. It's a terrible tragedy, and I know condolences such as these can never mend the wounds that you have suffered. But know that I understand your pain. Keep safe.
   
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Re: My mom is dying... - December 29th 2009, 03:36 AM

my thoughts are with you and your family. i'm so sorry for your loss. there are no words that will take your pain away, but just know that she is at peace now. x


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 31st 2009, 04:33 PM

Tonight is so hard...everybody out there is celebrating New Year, and here I am crying.
This time last year, I remember that I hugged her and told her 'it's New Year'
but she is not here anymore, I feel so lonely.
I watch her picture through the night, I celebrate my New Year with her

but it's just another midnight, it means nothing to me at all
everything is just so empty and worthless

I miss her so much...


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Re: My mom is dying... - December 31st 2009, 11:43 PM

Hey there,
Holidays are especially hard without someone you love.
Just remember, she's watching over you.
I'm sure she wants to to celebrate with your dad and siblings.
It's okay be sad but don't let is hold you back from living your life.
Your mom would want you to be happy.
Take care,
Alessa


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